Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Need Encouragement

I am applying to school right now.... university to finally enter the teaching program and I need encouragement. I know that for me as well as a few people in my life the knee jerk reaction is to say 'put it off a year' or 'I wouldn't do it if I were you'... but know in advance that it just isn't an option. I'm not looking for advice or opinions... just encouragement...

essentially, it's God's will anyway if I get in. It's not a sure thing by any means... but I figure if I get in in the first place then it's meant to be. If not, well then I will try again next year.

Reasons going to school this fall freaks me out:

1. School starts a week before I'll end up having my c-section. (I am due oct 1st, and they will take me a week early ... give or take a day or two.) This will require that I miss the 2nd and 3rd and quite possibly the 4th week of school... though I think 2 full weeks is all I'll push for unless I feel terrible. This also means that I am going to have to rely on the kindness of classmates to keep me updated, bring me notes and schoolwork... and I have never ever EVER been good at asking for help... let alone from complete strangers. but I will.

2. School starts at 3pm (and goes until 7pm). In auburn. (about 25mins from me.) Aaron gets off work at 3pm. In downtown seattle. He usually gets home at 330pm, give or take if it's a bad traffic day. Obviously we are going to need care for our kids for at least an hour a day. I might add we don't live near family and friends... they are 30 minutes away IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. So... I think I can apply to women's programs to see about getting childcare at the school, though I've been told that's a pipe dream, and besides I would have to figure out something for the first 6 weeks anyway as no daycare will take a child under 6 weeks.

3. This is a 7 quarter commitment... read: 21 mos commitment. No long breaks (other than spring breaks, holidays etc. no summer vacation.) 18 of those months I'll miss dinner and bedtime for nolan. *sigh* I know that it's stupid, but I hate it. I also know that he likely won't remember it, but still.

4. I worry that the new baby won't be held as much... I held nolan constantly. I'll be gone 5 hours a day this time and it makes me sad. (read: control freak.)

5. I worry about trying to nurse the next baby and being gone 5 hours a day... that's a whole other issue I"m not even going to go into, because until it happens it's pointless to stress aboutit. but I am.

6. I worry that I'll let people down, as I am going to have to put school first... well after my own family, but that could mean less visits to family etc, if I have school work that needs to be finished.

The good things about going to school now...

1. it's not going to get any easier. At least if I go now, in the first few months (hopefully) the baby will sleep most of the time, and I will only have one mobile for the first 1/3 of the time commitment.

2. I'm not getting any younger, and the sooner I get this done, the sooner we can move on and UPWARD in our lot in life.

3. When the time comes to student teach I'll have an almost 3 year old and a 1.5 year old... I won't freak out as much as if I was leaving an infant all day long. (hopefully.)

4. I guess it bears repeating that it's NOT going to get any easier. Ever. I need to do this now, as later on It's just going to be harder, and by going to school, and getting my degree I am doing something not only for myself, but for my family.. and that's important too.

I am just stressing out about the time frames.

Anyhoo, here are some cute pictures of the peanut.

Nolan gives grandpa's wheelchair a test drive

Someone's mother forgot to pack extra clothes on our last trip up north on the exact day that nolan decided to have a bowel movement of EPIC proportions. What resulted was a pathetic looking nakey baby.. but we managed. :-)

Nolan's first time coloring at Laurel's bday party!

Nolan was more than happy to test drive the new high chair at great grandma's and aunt angie and uncle dick's house. It was a hit!

I think this kid has a future in quality control inspections, this one passed w/ flying colors!

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