Friday, August 05, 2005

Hot,Sweaty, and Motherfucking Tired.

Because my child hates me, I am on my third consecutive day of less than 4 hours of sleep. He by the way, is napping contently in his swing right now. It's not that he's fussy. it's not that he's up all night. It's that he is up at LEAST every 2 hours... or rather, he goes down and sleeps about 3.5 hours. Then he wakes up and nurses and falls back asleep (usually takes 45 min to an hour) then sleeps usually about 2 hours, wakes up, spends another 45 min to an hour awake nursing and getting coaxed back to sleep... and after that, if I'm lucky; he'll sleep a minimum of another 2 hours. If it's a day like it's been for the past week or so... he'll have fitful sleep where he'll sleep for about 45 minutes, wake up to nurse.... fight sleep, finally fall back asleep for another 45 minutes, wake up to nurse...and lather, rinse, repeat. The fucked up part is that by this time I'm so done with the sleep process; when he does fall back asleep for a longer stretch, I can't sleep. *sigh* I've tried changing his diaper after those times when he's only nursed for a little while to wake him up so he'll nurse more... my thinking being 'full belly=longer sleep periods' but no.

If I had to go back to work during this shit I would probably stick a gun in my mouth. I am exhausted. I'm so tired, I can't fucking sleep when he goes down at night. I don't nap... if I nap, I'm a cranky bitch for the rest of the day (no fun for me OR Aaron) and also; if I nap I can't sleep at night anyway. It's a really fucked up cycle.

My new way of thinking is that eventually sleep will win out. My body will have had enough and I will adapt to his little cycles, and I'll be able to catch some z's whenever they are available. I am working on relaxation techniques in those cat nappish periods (relaxing each body part at a time in single file fashion... saying to myself "relaxing the toes...1...2...3...4... relaxing the heels...1...2...3...4" and so on. I also say the alphabet backwards in my head, or I count back from 100. We'll see what works.

In other news it is 8:00 on the dot and I've already accomplished the following for the day:
*folded one load of laundry and put it away
*started another load of laundry
*made the bed
*baked a cake
*Picked up the living room
*changed 3 dirty diapers
*cleaned out and organized the diaper bag
*checked my email
*checked the mssg boards
*ran a load in the dishwasher
*and wrote this entry.

I'm tired. Oh and the reason I don't even try to go back to sleep lately is because we've had shit to do in the morning. Today we have a dr. appt at 11, (Nolan's jaundice is bothering me, so we are having it checked out.) which means that we need to aim to be out the door by 10 (so we can get there early, so I can feed him in the car so he won't freak out in the office), which means I need to get my ass in the shower now, so I can be ready to wake and nurse the man-child by 9am.

In closing, I'd like to wish my mom a very Happy Birthday today!!!! I hope you have a great day!

and also; this link is for Aaron... combining our favorite movie as of late with one of his favorite songs...

usher and napoleon

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