Friday, May 27, 2005


Man. We did not get half the shit I wanted to get done, done last night. Though we did hook up the dvd player and watch half of urban cowboy before we fell asleep, and also picked up a pantry shelf at walmart. It was also mighty fucking hot last night. The cats were so uncomfortable; they were all laying on the floor or on the tiled entryway just looking miserable. Poor babies.

This morning traffic on 405 was a fucking NIGHTMARE so I skipped school (would have been very very late if I had stuck it out), turned around; drove over to the old apartment and cleaned up a little. I think Aaron and his sister are going to clean it tomorrow; the oven needs to be cleaned, it needs to be vacuumed etc. I picked up all the stuff that would not be sucked up in the vacuum and then packed my car full of shit that would fit, threw the bath mat in the washer and washed what was in the dishwasher. Then I hit Fred Meyer's and purchased a baker's rack and had to move some shit around in my car so the sales guys could fit it in there.

All that before 8am! I am productive as shit man. Now I need a nap.

Also, because they were a
hit in the past, I give you:

All about my mom...
1. She does not like to shop at Fred Meyers due to the advertisements they play on their loudspeakers. She calls it ‘fucking propaganda’.
2.After a kid of her friend went to survival camp (because he was baaad), and came back with stories of eating bugs etc. She could not touch peanut butter for months because he said spiders tasted of it.
3.She refers to the cats as ‘the boys’… and molly.
4.She pronounces Washington as Warshington. She also warshes her clothes.
5.She laughs when she is mad… seriously, the harder you get her laughing when she’s pissed, the more angry she is and you better run when she stops laughing.
6.She was born in Seattle, but her family hails from WEED, California. Heh, weed.
7.She loves crystal geiser water, as it is bottled from the mountain water she drank when she visited weed. I told her the water tasted like ass and she pronounced me crazy.
8.She loves her some Tom Jones, Mikhail Baryshnikov, and John Wayne.
9.She once dated an extra in a movie that John Wayne was making here in Seattle. When the opportunity presented itself for her to meet John Wayne, she declined. As a kid I never understood it. As an adult, I finally do.
10.I might mention that the extra had mob ties, and was older than she. This led to many arguments when I was a teenager wanting to date older guys “But YOU dated a guy with mob ties!”
11.She believes (as I do) that products are different when they change the packaging. When they changed the coke can she swore for months that it tasted different. I am that way especially with cleaners and makeup.
12.She would have been named Wilma if my Grandma had her way.
13.She craved split pea soup with maraschino cherries when she was pregnant with my sister. (Boy does this explain a lot about Lori!)
14.She does NOT think it’s funny to wrap a rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. At all.
15.She has about 4 thousand watches. Ok, maybe not 4 thousand, but a lot.
16.She loves Blue Topaz.
17.She does not find it amusing AT ALL when you lock her out on the patio, even if it’s for only a few seconds.
18.Seriously, the woman goes berserk.
19.She can follow damn near any recipe, without fucking it up.
20.That’s a trait I hope I’ve inherited.
21.She can’t decide if she’s going to be a ‘grandma’ or a ‘nana’.
22.I’m rooting for nana.
23.She hated sports and country music her whole life until about 10 years ago. She discovered Garth Brooks and the M’s won the pennant.
24.I would tell you where she works but she would cut me.
25.She hates George Bush as much as I do.
26.Every time a song comes on in the car she says “is this ugly kid joe?”
27.Even though she knows damn well that it isn’t.
28. Pepsi is a four letter word to her. (ok 5, but you get what I mean.)
29. She almost died when she had me.
30. She misses Asa and Ben a lot. She calls them 'the boys'.
31. She’ll spend hours making spaghetti, but then won’t have any for dinner.
32. The woman should own stock in Kleenex. The only person who blows their nose more than my sister and I is my mom.
33. One of her best friends she has known since she was 2, the other she met in the 1st grade I believe.
34. She has very interesting taste in music.
35. When my sister and I think she’ll hate a song, she actually ends up loving it.
36. For example, she likes “self esteem” by the offspring.
37. and ‘fallin’ by Alicia Keys
38. and ‘Put your ass into it’ by Ice Cube.
39. ok, that last one was a lie… but WE like it.
40. I can count on two fingers the number of times I have ever seen her with a drink in her hand.
41. She taught me how to laundry and how to add bleach using the ‘glug-glug’ method.
42. probably only mom and Lori will even get that.
43. When we were in the mood for a good laugh as kids, Lori and I would get mom to agree to read us any story of our choosing. Then we’d go grab the book with the ‘Brer Rabbit’ story in it and howl as she tried to make sense of the words. ( One day atter Brer Rabbit fool 'im wid dat calamus root, Brer Fox went ter wuk en got 'im some tar, en mix it wid some turkentime, en fix up a contrapshun w'at he call a Tar-Baby, en he tuck dish yer Tar-Baby en he sot 'er in de big road, en den he lay off in de bushes fer to see what de news wuz gwine ter be.) Imagine 10 or so pages of that. Heh.
44. She thought her computer was buzzing at her for weeks.
45. She would be on the net and randomly, this buzzing sound would happen.
46. After deducing any possible reason for said buzzing, she figured it must be the computer, as nothing else could have been making the noise.
47. So she spent what amounted to hours on the phone with Dell.
48. Begging and Pleading with them to help her fix it, getting frustrated when the operator was clueless as to what the problem could be, and getting angry and threatening that they had better send someone out to fix the problem.
49. On one of these calls to Dell she was about to have the operator walk her through how to wipe the hard drive clean and reinstall everything when she heard the buzzing.
50. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that it was not the computer. It was a pager left at our house by mistake by Ashley.
51. If I recall, mom simply hung up the phone, and braced herself for the endless mocking that was about to begin from us.
52. I didn't know until about 2 or 3 years ago that my mom like old John Wayne Western movies.
53. One of her favorite movies of all time is 'Little Man Tate'.
54. she does NOT like movies that will make you cry.
55. She was pissed at me for a long time for not warning her about the ending of 'Pay it Forward'.
56. She laughed so hard when Holly and I had her watch the South Park Episode where Cartman gets an Anal probe that she started to choke.
57. She did that also when Matt played her the 'ode to my car' song by Adam Sandler.
58. her glasses HAVE to be immaculate.
59. When she would misplace them and make Lori and I look for them, I might have, on one or two occasions dirtied them with my fingerprints on purpose before handing them over.
60. For years she was a faithful buyer of Star, The National Enquirer and People magazine. Now it's just People that she buys.
61. She once brought a kitten home to us in her purse.
62. We named her bitsy and she liked to lick the bowls after we'd eaten potato soup.
63. She was really cute.
64. Until she wouldn't stop shitting in the corner, and we had to give her away.
65. She once referred to someone as 'asshole breath' and ever since, it's been my favorite insult.
66. Things you'll ALWAYS find in my mom's house: a box of kleenex, sos pads, cans of coke, tweezers, and razor blades. (and because she raised me well; you will find all of those at my house. minus the coke; though I usually have diet.)

There were a couple other things I could put in there, but I don't want her to be mad; and I am not making fun; just making light of things. If you haven't checked out the links above to the ones on Aaron and Lori, then be sure to check those; I think they're pretty funny too. It's taken me a loooong time to finish this one on my mom, maybe someday I'll finish the one on my dad.

Now here are some progress pics on our move... (there are a lot here, so it may take a minute or two...)

First, some proof that the babies are doing ok...

Benny is hoooooottt.

Molly is sweaty.

Asa knows that if he admits to being warm we'll shave him again, so he doesn't complain.

But doesn't he look miserable?

the next batch should serve to motivate me to get shit done so I can post 'after' shots.

Our bathroom counter area

The left side of the walk in closet that leads to our bathroom (note the habit Asa has already made that I am GOING TO NIP IN THE BUD... NO SLEEPING IN THE CLOTHES!)

The right side of the closet. I have to reorganize those purses up top; I just don't want to part with any.

The view of our room from the walk in closet (note the beeyootiful quilt my aunt made for our wedding that we now get to use!)

The view from the opposite side of the bedroom

The view of the living room and part of the dining room from the hall way by our bedroom

a better shot of the dining room

one side of the kitchen

the opposite side of the kitchen

the laundry room at the end of the kitchen

as you can see, we have our work cut out for us. :-) Check back tuesday for updated pics!

Thursday, May 26, 2005


I love it when people fight in the guestbook. I also love compliments, even though y'all are a bunch of raving lunatics. I do only post the pictures where I deem myself to look ok; so there are about 4 billion that you didn't see, and I would post them, but nay.

Also, you know you've really crossed the line when you get my mom to comment, heh. She will usually just call me and tell me what she thinks about an entry or whatever, but someone sure pissed her off. :-D

We are 99% moved. Still have a kitchen table to fetch and a shelf unit or two to purchase, and then there is the cleaning. I am so tired and sore and tired and my back fucking kills; I could use an adjustment in the worst way, but I will just have to wait and go next week. Aaron and Willie and my uncle Gary worked their asses off to get us moved and I am so totally in awe of how fast they did it and how great they were about it. I appreciate it more than I can even say.

The cats DID NOT appreciate being shoved into their carriers; and to pay me back, Asa and Ben sat in theirs and fucking panted like dogs the entire way over to the new house. Have you ever seen a cat pant like a dog? It's not cute, it's worrisome and I was convinced they were on their death beds. When we (lori and I) got them settled in the baby's room, and shut the door; they hid under the dresser for the better part of 5 hours. After everyone left around 10pm Aaron opened the door and Molly, the daredevil, was the first to venture out. Then Ben, then by 2am I had Asa sleeping at my feet. They are still nervous and twitchy and their noses are so pink from smelling everything, but really; I think they are liking the place. This morning ben jumped up to sit with me and so did Asa. At least they are not hiding behind the television for days like the last time we moved.

Anyhoo. We have a lengthy list of stuff to get done this weekend, so this is where I leave you.

Thanks for all of the support by the way!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


we got the keys yesterday! Good Lord... the amount of shit we got done is AMAZING. We left to get the keys, then went to Lowe's and purchased a refrigerator, then went up to my mom's storage unit and emptied out 98% of all of our crap, clearing a path to the washer and dryer, then took that stuff over to the condo and unloaded the cars. I didn't lift too much stuff; but I think I overdid it what with the stair climbing and all. I am VERY sore today... sore legs, sore tummy, etc.

Then we went back to the house and Aaron's brother was waiting for us there; they loaded up Aaron's blazer and then went to p/u the washer and dryer and then came back to fill the rest of it up w/ bulky/big stuff. Then slowly; other people started showing up; people I didn't expect to come help and my goodness was it a godsend. We are about 70% moved; last of it should be moved this evening; everyone likes the new place, got lots of compliments.

I don't even know where to begin unpacking... oy. Luckily my mom and sister and Karen are all meeting me at the new place tonight while the boys pack up what's left of the apartment, to help me start unpacking and arranging. First order of business will be to get clothes out of the bags and somewhat hung up/put away... they can be put in order later (clothes that fit, clothes that don't fit... yadda yadda yadda.) I am a FREAK about getting shit done, so I predict by Saturday evening we should be sitting pretty and about completely unpacked.

I'll pick up the cats before I head out today and bring them to the new place; we'll just lock them in the baby's room while we are still moving things around. They were ok in the bathroom last night, but then Asa paid us back by sitting outside the bedroom door and crying ALL MOTHERFUCKING NIGHT. Aaron (who never really gets mad at them) actually opened the door this morning and said "SHUT.UP." heh... I am rubbing off on him after all!

I have also been a busy bee already; got new car insurance, changed our address at the bank, arranged for comcast to come out and install tv/internet next week, signed up for vonage phone service, called our home owner association president and introduced myself and asked some questions... very productive.

Of course the move isn't without some complications... the valve for the water to the washer leaks, so that needs to be dealt with. The dryer has the wrong plug on it, but Willie thinks he has another plug that will work (and if not; we'll buy one) and he can rewire it for us (this is a MAJOR thing... otherwise we'll find ourselves at the laundromat this weekend.) and our fridge doesn't get delivered until Sunday sometime... we'll be staying there tonight. That means Aaron is going to go get the cooler out of storage, and I'll pick up some ice and we'll at least have milk and water and probably some diet soda and beer at the new place for the next few days.

Speaking of the fridge... I wonder if it needs to be plugged in and on for any length of time before we can start putting stuff in it? Anyone know?

After all that work/activitiy yesterday I was completely EXHAUSTED. But you just know I couldn't fall asleep until around midnight. GAH. Slightly irritating. And very tiring. *yawn*

Ashley and I at my shower; I made sure to pose so the quadruple chins didn't show too bad.

Me talking to Monique... I think I was bitching about this whole condo business here.


a survey of the crowd

And that's all folks. I have a ton of pictures with me in them, but I hate them; so they shall not be shown! Pics of the new digs to come soon...

Monday, May 23, 2005

Good Lord I'm a Moody Ass Today

What is it about the afternoon that gets me all in a pucker? I was fine this morning, we signed the papers for our condo. So supposedly we'll have the keys in our hand tomorrow afternoon, but you know... I'll believe it when I see it.

Also, this kid of mine is starting to really PISS ME OFF and will not get his godforsaken feet/hands/bodyparts/WHATEVER out of my ribs. I cannot lean forward, I cannot slouch... I must sit straight up or I am in pain.

Also, got a few days behind on my bran muffin eating and thus am paying for it. I am SURE that is not helping my mood any.

I also hate Satchel with a fire more intense than that of a million burning suns. If I never see the fucker again in MY LIFETIME it will be too fucking soon.

I also called Aaron and told him that I would seriously consider selling our firstborn for a kit kat right now; I really hope he gets the hint and arrives with one. :-) He went and checked out the sears outlet for a refrigerator, but they are all expensive as hell down there. So craigslist it is; I'll be perusing the ads tonight and hopefully we can find one that will work for us.

The baby shower was a smash, we got totally spoiled... seriously... I am so thankful for all the stuff we got, I cannot even begin to explain it. That said we have a few items left to get; but nothing like I was fearing. We ended up purchasing our pack and play on Sunday as well as a bunch of the diaper genie refills.

Speaking of the shower; I'll put some pics up tomorrow, and the only ones with me in them are ones I deemed to be ok; I was aghast at how large I am in some of them, and the backfat... she is a heinous bitch who cannot be squelched. The good news is, if I am allowed to have the csection, they won't let me go past 39 weeks; so I know that this backfat hell will start to disintegrate sometime after the next 5 weeks or so.


Friday, May 20, 2005

insert vomiting sound here

Escrow just called. Our closing costs are totalling $1100 more than I was told to expect. There are no words.
You all thought I was pissy BEFORE?

Good Lord. You don't even want to talk to me today. I am exhausted, I am bitchy, I am swollen and I am itchy, and I really, really REALLY have no tolerance for much of anything. Please know, that I am not always such a dark cloud... I think Aaron especially would attest to that. I use this journal to be bitchy and whiny and vent my frustrations, and I wish I used it more to talk about the things that make me happy... I'm sure those days will come in the next few weeks once all of this moving/school bullshit is over with and I can just sit back and relax and await the birth of my son. Until then, I'm just warning you that I am crabby and using this journal to prove it.

Aaron and I are supposed to go sign on Monday, it is a tentative appointment, so I don't hold my breath. I had to call our realtor and ask him what we were responsible for if we end up having to walk from this deal if it takes too long (we have to be out of our apartment by the 31st.) Luckily, it's just our earnest money, but neither one of us wants to return to the land of renting. As scary as this whole home buying business is, and as scary as it is paying more money on one income... we just think buying is the right thing to do. That said, if we don't sign by Wednesday I do believe we will have to SERIOUSLY consider walking from the deal. I am praying that it doesn't come to that.

I am exhausted. Fucking exhausted. Much of this stems from the stress of the week, all the crying (yes, there has been crying every damn day... fucking hormones) and the discomfort I've been in this week... I think little guy has had a growth spurt because man, the belly skin just HURTS with the addition of more stretch marks. And I can't slouch or lean over as easily and really, I haven't been able to do that for MONTHS anyway, but then it was just difficult, now I feel feet or something poking me in the lung, or what feels like the lung. :-)

My anxiety about delivery options is unparallel as of late, I suppose that this is the direct result of all of the chaos going on right now. I actually sat in the doctor's office and bawled while we discussed my options. I am just so hesitant to say I want a c-section, but when faced with the possible problems a regular birth might leave me with, I am just not confident that a regular birth is the right choice for me. I am not happy with either choice in front of me... at all. I did some reading up on lichen sclerosus and had little to no luck finding anything other than case studies (in which the patients who had csections were grateful for them, and those who didn't had years of healing problems.) I also read how lichen sclerosus should not affect the delivery of a baby, but when 99% of the data I have found lists most cases to be diagnosed after menopause, there obviously isn't anything about how it can affect childbirth in those studies.

I keep going over it in my head, my own personal list of pros and cons, and I just don't know what to do. I am leaning towards a csection, but I know that that is NOT what I want to do. But then on the flip side considering some of the possible outcomes of a regular delivery for me are just too much to think about, let ALONE deal with in the physical sense.

I'm being sort of vague for a reason... I don't particularly enjoy talking about this kind of stuff w/ family/friends etc. Though I know they read this site, this allows them to know why I am being such an asshole today (and really, lately and probably for the next 2 months) without me going into details that I am uncomfortable discussing with them. But it also allows me to vent my frustrations with the whole kit and kaboodle and sometimes work things out that I hadn't thought about before.

I was going to post on the boards I belong to about it, but there are a lot of people on there who can be quick to condemn, and then use fear tactics to make c-sections seem like the worst choice possible. I don't think there is a better choice for me at this point. It's frustrating as hell, as I'm sure any choice that doesn't jive with an ideal is. Surgery scares me, as well as the the recovery time, and the idea that it may hinder breast feeding. But the alternative scares me even more... Aaron and I have more discussing to do on the subject, but he is very supportive and mainly wants what's going to be best for me, and my health... and unfortunately, a c-section is looking like it right now. Now I just have to tell my doctor. Ugh.

Also, why is it that every time I cry in front of a doctor (and yes, it's happened frequently in this pregnancy at least 3 times... and once in front of my specialist before I was pregnant...) they always ask if I'm seeing a therapist, and have I thought about talking to someone about it? Good Lord. I don't need a shrink, I need a CURE. I need to move, I need to stop worrying about the fact that I've gained back almost all of the weight I lost before, I need to quit thinking about money and how we'll survive (I know we'll do fine, but the gravity is SLLOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLYYYYY hitting home of us being on one income for a while), I need to quit worrying about stupid shit that DOES NOT MATTER.

So anyway, there you have it.

Also... did you see yesterday's dr. phil w/ the wife abusing the husband? That was some disturbing shit to watch, I made Aaron watch it with me (I tivo'd it) at least the parts where it showed her abusing him because if I was that disturbed, he needed to be disturbed too. Then Oprah comes on and does that bit about the parasitic twin, and of course I rewound it and made him come out from playing his video game to watch that too. Heh... he said he's going to have nightmares now. I fell asleep after that, and woke up to my phone ringing at 10 to 7, we are supposed to be at birthing class at 7, so we quickly got our shit together and left. Luckily, we only live 4 minutes away from the hospital.

And just so you know, I get squicked out by EVERYTHING. The anxiety about the stuff they use in delivery and c-sections had me grossed out and anxious, but talking about breastfeeding in clinical terms and seeing illustrations of the ducts and glands and blah de blah blah blah had me just as grossed out. Don't even get me started on the video/pictures of nursing mothers, and watching them squeeze out the colostrum. I about passed out. heh... I'm going to be a great mother.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

popping in to update...

Just talked to escrow. They would be amazed if we got our keys on friday... she said it was EXTREMELY unlikely.


also, if I have to hear about satchel's motherfucking car problem one more motherfucking time I might just have to slam his head into the desk. (**he's not telling me the same motherfucking story over and over, he's telling everyone who walks through the godforsaken front door.)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm wearing eye makeup today, and am going to go blink back the tears and wish I had a donut.
A bit better...

I'm doing a bit better today; though I have yet to speak to my lender and/or escrow, so you know; that could all change this afternoon. My lender encouraged me to call escrow and plead w/ them to expedite my closing paperwork if at all possible... we'll see if it does any good. I have a feeling we're going to be stuck moving over memorial day weekend which is more fucked than moving over my baby shower, and you know; NO. NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPY right now... I'll get over it I'm sure.

I watched about 15 minutes of 'Kevin and Britney: Chaotic' last night. Oy... there are no words. Actually, no... there are lots of words, ... dude she is way way WAAAAYYYY more bumpkin then I ever though possible. She is annoying as FUCK and my god; get some Proactiv girl, for a big time star she's got terrible skin.

I think what kills me the most is the irritating fake laugh she does, talking like a slutty 12 year old, calling her assistant 'fee'... and that woman is what... 35 and talks like a 12 year old too?, and man does she put the scruff in scruffy. Britney, that is. When she's all made up and the photos are airbrushed she is drop dead gorgeous, I'm not hating, just saying that when she isn't made up... yikes.

I turned it off before Kevin was ever on, so I can't say what I think of him; I think though he's either got to be just as fucking irritating, or perhaps a bigger pain in the ass than she is. Gross. They are just fucking gross and I cannot watch that train wreck. And I can watch just about anything... but this shit ranks right up there with flava flav and brigitte nielsen on Strange love. I couldn't watch that shit either. However, I think if they were to do a normal celeb reality show (brit and kevin) instead of handling their own cameras, it might be watchable. But this shit is just not.

Incidentally, here are some pics of a kitten I fell in love with on Sunday... seriously, how I had the will power to not put him in my purse and bring him home is beyond me. Look at this face:

He looked so worried all the time and the cutest little 'mew'.

I think he was around 4-5 weeks old, but I'm not sure. There was a litter of 6, but I love me some tabby cats so I think that's why I took a shine to him... oh and a siamese looking one too; I would have taken either if we were moving to a big ol' house. But since it's only a 2 bedroom condo, I just can't do that.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Not a good day. Woke up at 2:30 with terrible neck/head pain, and because of some strange 'only makes sense at 2:30 in the morning" logic I did not get up and get tylenol. Rather I laid w/ my head on a heating pad for a bit before I worried I would get too warm and cook the baby. Then I laid there and waited for the silence between snoring episodes to end... *sigh* when the alarm went off at 4:30 and I was STILL awake, I made the decision to not go in to school today. Was able eventually to fall back asleep and slept till damn near 7:30.

I am tired. And cranky. And the only good thing about today so far is that I was able to hold back my tears until AFTER I got off the phone with my lender, and also that I didn't display any pissiness towards him either.

I don't know who to hate... him or the escrow or the fucking lazy ass underwriter who he's waiting on. He thinks that we should have the keys before friday, that it's a definite possibility. Methinks that is just not fucking good enough. I just feel defeated and want people to do what they say they will do when they say they will do it. Quit blowing smoke up my ass (I have no proof that is actually what's happening, but I'm pissed dammit, and that's the perception.) and do your fucking job. I think I got my point across about the urgency of the situation (hello, people driving up from tumwater to help us etc.)

I feel dumb for crying about it, but fuck all. I do not handle transition well, and quite frankly; I feel like we've been in transition for the past 6 fucking months. It's wearing me down man. Wearing me down. I'm TIRED OF LOOKING AT THIS:

Monday, May 16, 2005


While we didn't finish the whole list, we got a lot done this weekend. Tonight and Tomorrow night I anticipate finishing a ton of stuff, so that will be good.

Weekend was ok; made it to walmart friday night, then went home and vegged out. I just didn't have the energy to do SHIT. I believe we were asleep by about 10:30, so lame. But so, so tired. :-)

Saturday morning I was up at 7:30 and we started the packing and cleaning around 8:30. I never vaccuumed up so much disgusting ass cat hair in my life. GAH. Mainly it was behind the bed (the bed sits in front of the bedroom window) and as the curtain brushes up against them, they shed. Said fur falls behind bed onto floor. We are eliminating that future problem by not putting ANYTHING in front of the windows where they'll perch. And I'll move shit to vaccuum behind it more than once every few years. nastay.

Saturday afternoon was Adrienne's baby shower, that was nice and fun; great to be able to talk to someone who is at the same stage as me (she's due 3 days after me.) Then when I left, I had the WORST headache ever. I've been waking up these past few mornings with pain in my neck and at the base of my skull... assuming it's tension from all the bullshit we are going through right now, but since Saturday it comes and goes during the day. I've been doing a lot of neck rolls and stretching and having Aaron give me neck massages, but even all that doesn't help much. Tylenol sometimes helps; but rarely. Saturday night I was up and down every 20 minutes or so w/ the headache and/or needing to pee. That was fun.

Sunday we went to the M's game and then over to Wili and Elizabeth's for dinner. It was great... but we didn't finish our packing, so tonight and tommorrow night we really need to get it done.

he's eeeeeeevil

Saturday, May 14, 2005


as of 10:47 am on saturday morning we have worked our tails off... I'll cross out what's been done ...

*go to walmart and purchase cleaning supplies
*bag up coats from coat closet
*box up extra hangers from closets
*bag up clothes that we are not going to need for the week

*do all laundry that is needed to be done
*Clean out and pack up stuff from:
*under the bed
*under the dresser
*under the nightstands
*behind the television/hope chest

*finish packing kitchen stuff
*wipe down cupboard doors/drawers **started this
*strip down the fridge (tons of pics) and wipe down
*Clean top of oven (buy replacement rims/guards for top of oven) **started this
*clean bathroom
*pack bathroom
*Pack up vcr/stereo etc from bedroom
*take last few items off the walls
*unscrew mirror from dresser
*pack up misc. crap from dining room
*start a craigslist box
*bag up plastic sacks next to fridge
*take all remaining nails/pushpins out of walls

Friday, May 13, 2005


So, the initial thing that set me off the other day in my downward spiral of emotion, was that logic test. In fact, I didn't go to school yesterday, because A. I had woken up to pee for the umpteenth million time that night, and somehow stubbed my pinky toe so hard it bled from under the nail. (this I didn't realize until the next morning)... it hurt so bad I had to roll over so it would not be touching anything. Oy, the throbbing.

Anyway, and B. because I was nursing my wounds, freaking out about my grade in that class, praying that I got a high D... or very low C... so afraid I would fuck up my financial aid because he only grades on tests and we only have 4 of them. *sigh* so I slept in for a while, and skipped it.

Today, I was relieved to see I didn't miss much; and at the end of class I asked the girl who sits next to me (we are always on par it seems w/ what we are having problems with, or excelling at) how she did on the test. She had left the class about 10 minutes before me on test day... I am usually the 1st or 2nd one done on any given test and this day, I was there until he had to take them away because the next class was coming in. She said he had handed them back yesterday and she did better than she thought. I went up to get mine, and was fucking blown away by my score. 92 out of 100... A motherfucking A I believe... how the hell did I pull that shit off? I literally did not finish one of the 6 problems, and another two I totally guessed on... luckily, he didn't base the score of the paper solely on the outcome of the problem. Each problem was a myriad of points, and if you got some of the steps right, you got the points for it.

Hot damn. I am still worried over our next test, because we are now starting on predicate logic, and that shit is more fucked up than true logic. *sigh* but only 33 days until I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL, and better than that, only 20 actual in class days. Oh lordy, I cannot wait until this shit is done with.

Thank you to all of you who left such sweet messages in the guest book; I was definitely having a time of it that day. The self loathing has been at an all time high lately; primarily I think, because I was a dumb ass and did look at some pictures from last summer... and I want to bitch slap myself for ever saying I was fat back then. Good God, what an idiot. Also, these stretch marks? Fucking scary. As they are breeding like rabbits, and they fucking burn... and have I mentioned the only thing I ever want to eat is kit kats and mocha frappucino's ? (the storebought kind)... I bought some mocha-lite frappucinos, that I will dabble in next week; they are less evil, but still probably not the best choice.

Also, more randomness... I brought in my stirfry for lunch yesterday and forgot my chopsticks. To say I was disappointed to have to eat it w/ a fork is an understatement. I seriously thought about just going across the street and buying a sandwich... who knew I had SUCH loyalty to the chopsticks?

Much packing on the agenda for this weekend... in fact, Here's my list of stuff to do... if Maybe I'll even come back and cross shit off as it gets done... then I'll feel accountable enough to actually do it!

*go to walmart and purchase cleaning supplies
*bag up coats from coat closet
*box up extra hangers from closets
*bag up clothes that we are not going to need for the week
*do all laundry that is needed to be done
*Clean out and pack up stuff from:
*under the bed
*under the dresser
*under the nightstands
*behind the television/hope chest
*finish packing kitchen stuff
*wipe down cupboard doors/drawers
*strip down the fridge (tons of pics) and wipe down
*Clean top of oven (buy replacement rims/guards for top of oven)
*clean bathroom
*pack bathroom
*Pack up vcr/stereo etc from bedroom
*take last few items off the walls
*unscrew mirror from dresser
*pack up misc. crap from dining room
*start a craigslist box
*bag up plastic sacks next to fridge
*take all remaining nails/pushpins out of walls

And here is the stuff that needs to get done to make the place rentable again...
*clean oven (I'll recruit someone)
*vaccuum thoroughly
*mop/scrub floors/baseboards
*vacuum around the washer and dryer
*wash the windows
*sweep the patio
*clean out the fridge spotless!
*vacuum out cupboards and drawers
*hang up blinds I took down, and towel bar I removed
*Clean up toaster/rice cooker/etc for Lori (she is inheriting things in the move)
*put pretty lamps back in storage
*get rid of end table
*wash snowflake comforter

And here is the stuff I'm paranoid I'll forget to do...
*call comcast, end service this month, inquire about keeping email addy
*call electric company
*don't forget to take screens we put in the windows
*don't forget ironing board (hangs on door)
*don't forget to take medicine cabinet (external one we installed)
*purchase collapsable shaving mirror from Ikea to replace one we are leaving

Here is what I think we'll need once we're in the new place...
*refrigerator (not 'think', rather, I know we'll need it
*washer and dryer (have some in storage; just have to measure them to verify they'll fit.)
*light color bookshelf
*tv repairman
*smaller desk
*door for bedroom (possibly use hall closet door and replace that w/ bifold door)
*new litter box (they deserve it!)
*shelf for pantry area
*paint for baby's room
*paint for our room
*white paint for dresser and bookcase
*new couch
*drawer cart

criminy... that's just the stuff I thought of TODAY. Wish me luck, I'll need it!

Also, when we got home from birthing class last night we watched the tivo'd version of the Apprentice... (where you fast forward through a TON OF SHIT to get to the good stuff), and I am still rooting for Tanna (mostly because I think Kendra is a fat faced beyotch), but I don't think she's got a chance in hell. I do think the tasks were not weighted fairly at all, but I think even so; Tanna would have done herself a lot more justice had she kept her mouth shut about her loser teammates. And obviously you shouldn't vent to Carolyn, there's NO LOYALTY THERE! So my prediction is that Kendra will take it. But we'll see.

oh yeah, I'll update the pregnancy journal today too.

Oh how he loves to have his widdle ears rubbed.

Whatever will they do when they don't have their beloved ground level window?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


I should probably just go home today, but I don't really fucking feel like it. Just thought I'd mention that now the good probability is that we will close on Tuesday "but let's just call it Wednesday to be safe", and uh I bombed on a test, and I am really fucking tired, and I am really fucking frustrated. For two motherfucking cents I would shitcan the whole condo thing, I just don't care. I want a concrete fucking answer as to when we are closing... I am sick of this maybe shit, because if it gets pushed back and we have to move over Memorial Day Weekend, we are even more fucked. My stretchmarks itch/burn, I feel fat, I do NOT want to move over my baby shower, and that is exactly what is going to happen, as of now, hardly any people at all can even help... and most of those who can will be at my fucking shower... and if this all goes to hell in a handbasket, (which I am predicting)... that leaves us a week to find a place to live.

And I'm REALLY sick of people acting like I'm stressing out for no reason. Fair warning is if you tell me to not stress I might just fucking tell you to fuck the fuck off. I'm doing the fucking best I can. I am sick of my fucking teachers not being specific when they want something, and I don't want to be marked down for this shit. GOD FORBID they answer their fucking email. Seriously. Done. so fucking done it's not fucking funny.

I weighed myself this morning... that was my first mistake. Actually... the weighing wasn't the problem, it was the figuring of how many pounds stand between my weight today and my highest ever weight. I know I'm pregnant, and you know... don't bother commenting. Because I know it's stupid to feel like a failure, and feel like it was all for naught, but that's how I feel. And I don't particularly care to hear anyone elses take on it... I'd rather just wallow, cry and then get over it, because I will. I always do... I am not looking for comments on that particular subject... they are not going to do any good today; I just need to vent it out, and move on.

It's just one of those days.

Friday, May 06, 2005


I use the f-bomb a lot today. Am hoping it'll help take some the edge off my mood.

This post probably belongs in the pregnancy journal, but fuck it. I am in no mood to deal with writing two seperate entries. We had birthing class last night which kickstarted my anxiety, which put me in a foul mood before we left, which made it hard to sleep, which gave me fitful dreams in which Aaron left me, the cats got out, or Aaron left me while the cats got out.

*sigh* My shirts are slowly becoming too short again (I think I've had a tummy growth spurt, and if I outgrow these jeans then I'm fucked. FUCKED I SAY.) Last night when we walked in to class and sat down, the teacher gave me a sympathetic look and said "oh honey," and shook her head and then followed that up with "when are you due?" UM IN TWO MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS... "july 6th" I said. She didn't respond, so I assume she was either shocked, or didn't want to say something that might offend.

offend away, I hope the guys I work with are ok w/ me coming in dressed in bedsheets, because I fear that's what it may come down to. I am attending a wedding tomorrow, and fuck all, I have nothing to wear. I have 5 tee shirts, two pairs of stretchy pants, two pairs of jeans, and 1 pair of khakis. Khaki pants and a black tee shirt and flip flops? There we go.

I think the whole anxiety thing, is just my normal... ignorance is bliss kind of take on medicine being blown to bits. I've mentioned in the pregnancy journal that it's like when I go to the dentist... don't fucking tell me what you're gonna do, just do it, be gentle, and let's be done with it.

I don't mind reading the pregnancy books that describe labor, as it's not as scary. Hell, I've witnessed an actual birth, and while yes, it was scary; it didn't affect me the way these fucking classes are. For example,

Hearing about the phases/stages of birth, ok... I can deal. Watching videos of people who are going through them? Not so fucking much. Also, I don't really need a step by step description of what scraping the membranes is. I don't want to see the fucking hook thing they break your water with, nor do I want to imagine that it will be inserted ANY-FUCKING-WHERE on my body. I also don't particularly care to see what the tube that feeds the epidural looks like, nor do I want to hold and look at an internal fetal monitor; and try to imagine that being stuck up in there with a gigantor baby at the same time.

I don't particularly want to talk about the EXACT steps of a c-section, I don't want to hear that some people don't take to epidurals and the pain relief is spotty at best for them. Nor do I even want to fucking contemplate the idea that if my epidural slows down labor, then I will have to go through it au naturel. I don't want to see an animation of an episiotomy, and quite frankly, if anyone even comes near me with forceps, they can kiss my fat ass as I waddle out the door; because there IS NO WAY IN HELL, THEY ARE STICKING THOSE UP THERE EITHER.

All in all, I don't care... I dont' want to know the specifics of what is going to happen, or even what could happen. I don't particularly want to see an enactment of a c-section wherein pieces of felt are used to depict layers of muscle/fat/skin etc, nor do I want to know that after the baby is delivered, they will take my uterus out of my body and massage it... seriously? MOTHERFUCKING DETAILS THAT COULD BE KEPT FROM ME AND I WOULDN'T CARE IN THE LEAST.

Also, to hear the words "it isn't painful, feels similar to a pelvic exam!" in an optimistic tone makes me want to punch someone. Since when do pelvic's not hurt? Good God, I'm getting worked up just thinking about last night's class all over again. Then add to it the fact that she kept saying "epidurals are a bonus, the goal is to have a baby not keep mom 100% comfortable." and you can see why my ass was sweating. The video of the c-section wasn't bad, I have seen a video before, and this one was a little kinder on the eyes.

I know people have done this before, but I haven't. To say it scares the everloving shit out of me is probably the biggest understatement of my LIFE. Medical stuff scares me to my core, and to know that I voluntarily put myself in this position makes me want to kick my own ass. I know it'll all be worth it in the end, but it's the getting to the end that scares me. As long as we're not having discussions about it, I'm ok... I can deal... does that make sense?

In other news, today is Aaron's and my 6 month anniversary of being married! No big thing of course, but if you think 6 months doesn't make a difference... then uh, you're wrong:

6 months has made quite a difference!

We are going to commemmorate the day by packing the rest of the shit in the living room into boxes, and I am determined... DETERMINED to get the bedroom closet packed. Oh, and I am going to try to not nag *HINT HINT* about the big ass broken television sitting in our living room that someone said he would call on. Seriously. Going to try. To not nag.

I'm so tired of the clutter and the shit and the boxes everywhere. I'm almost to the point where I'm ready to just start throwing shit out, for the sake of throwing shit out. I like this phase of moving, because really; even in 6 months when I get pissy because I threw something out, usually it's because I haven't needed it in even longer.

Here's the view of our living room from the kitchen doorway as of this morning.

Here's the view from the opposite side as of this morning.

And the ever handy dining/storage/office room.

I'll try to take updated pictures after we attempt to get more organized this weekend.

Also, a big shoutout to Jen and Ryan, Happy 1/2 way to the first anniversary guys! We are wedding date twins, they are in the midst of home remodeling, and I suspect will be having just as much fun spackling things and arguing over fixtures as Aaron and I will be arguing over what to keep and what to throw away, and who's going to actually call and get an estimate on fixing that godforsaken television.

Thursday, May 05, 2005


I hate people. I really do; well, not all people... but many of them, yes. I am still trying to figure out the ins and outs of what we will be held accountable for when we vacate the old apartment. Sarah is the shiznit for sending me this page, thanks a bunch dude; I think it will really come in handy! I also called the landlord today and of course, she's out of town until monday and the bitch that is filling in for her is incapable of answering ANY questions because "all properties that are owned by CTL management are governed differently." Whatever. I still don't think that losing over half of our 'deposit' is legal. After I dug through some files and found the lease etc, I found the paperwork that stated that 200 bucks for the pets are non-refundable, fine. The other 400 should be. That stupid bitch manager of ours told me that it would be a charge of 300 bucks for carpet cleaning... uh, in my breakdown of what it will cost to vacate and get our deposit back, it says carpet cleaning is 55 bucks. I will call her first thing on Monday and attempt to get this shit straightened out. If it's the case that we are only up to getting 100 bucks back then they can clean it for us. FUCK THAT NOISE.

Spoke to the lender today; he asked if we had reserved our moving truck yet, I scoffed and said "why don't we see if this deal actually happens first?" He laughed and said that I should have more faith, that it's basically a done deal. Sorry, it ain't done until we have those keys in our hand. I will so be glad when this whole waiting thing is DONE.

I might mention that it should be FUCKING ILLEGAL for the trains to flat out stop and chill in the middle of Downtown Seattle for ANY REASON during the business day. GAH. Or how about not making them 3 miles long... Good Lord. I sat waiting for one for 15 fucking minutes and over 10 of that it was stopped. Why don't they appropriate some of our tax $$ to make it so the roads either go over or under the fucking tracks. Specifically in high traffic areas!

We packed the dvds last night... and were interested to find out that we have over 9k in dvd's. So that's where that money went.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


First of all, thank you to Jessica in the guestbook; I did some checking and made a phone call to my landlord, and they require that we use a carpet cleaning company that uses a truck because of the temperature of the water or some shit. So basically, we'd be wasting our time.

If energy allows, I will look into whether or not we have to abide by that, I'm not sure I signed anything in that regard... and not sure if I can fight it. That's 300 bucks off of our deposit... smells fishy to me that everyone loses that amount no matter what. Anyone else know much about this?

Hey, if you are looking to add a little more bran to your diet, check out the blueberry bran muffins from zen bakery; available at Trader Joe's. I don't know if Zen bakery ships to ALL trader Joe's, but 4 muffins comes to 3.29 and they uh... do the trick, if you know what I mean. And they aren't bad. Pretty tasty.

We went to see the condo last night, and were pleased at the choice we made, of course that's IF this whole thing actually happens. I so do not believe that the rug won't be ripped out from underneath us... it's crazy. Still waiting to hear if we are closing on the 13th, though I understand that sometimes these things get moved around at the last minute. We are planning to pack tonight, mainly the dvds. I'll be interested to see how many we have... we are going to pack and enter them into an excel spreadsheet at the same time... sounds anal, but if you knew how many times we have this conversation:
me:"do we have ...(some random movie)"?
aaron: "I think so."
**I look around for a few minutes...**
me:"are you sure?"
aaron: "pretty sure."
me: **continuing to look around**
me: "aw fuck it."

you would understand the need to make a list. That and because it's inevitable that some birthday or gift giving occasion comes up and one of us puts something we already own on our wishlist. Plus, it can serve as a resource to keep track of who borrowed what, and when. GAH.

for the record, I HATE lending out dvds to people, especially when they borrow more than one. Most of the time it isn't a problem, but then there are the moments where you go looking for a dvd to watch, find one that fits the mood perfect like uh, let's say "just married". You find the dvd case, and turn on the dvd player, pop the popcorn and open it up and nothing. Then hours upon hours are WASTED while you either
A. argue about who it was lent to last
B. argue about who it was that forgot to put it back
c. open every single dvd case that you own, and still don't find it.

*sigh* so if people MUST borrow the dvds, I will log them into the list. And I will try to be efficient.

Not too much else is going on, I am trying to slog my way through my logic material... anyone familiar with this shit? We are doing proofs and rules to solve proofs. I have grasped the concept fairly well, it's just LOOOONG AND TEDIOUS and I keep practicing over and over the ones that I know the answers to, hoping that something in my mind will click and make this shit second nature. It's just hard.

Also, dreamt that I couldn't find my car yesterday morning... dreamt I woke up and got ready and my car was NOT in the parking lot. In my dream I was searching for a silver car... about halfway into my search I remembered that I had a purple car, but still couldn't find it. I was more pissed that the carseat was in the car at the time of the theft than about the actual theft of the car. Strange.

The face he makes when you mention the word 'BATH'.

the face he makes when you scratch his ass.

caught on tape: the one rare time out of 100 that ben decides the water in the bowl is suitable for drinking. Our gourmet usually prefers toilet water.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Aaron stopped by the local liquor store to see if they had any spare boxes he could pilfer, but nay. They said theirs get grabbed pretty quickly in the morning when they put them out. I thought about stopping by the liquor store by my parents house to inquire, but eh. So I thought about it and called one that is about 1.5 miles from work and what do you know? They have boxes! I stuffed about 30 of them into my car... I'm sort of amazed that they fit; but the inside of the car and trunk are filled to capacity. Actually, it was overfilled and I had to stop by Aaron's work and drop about 5 or 6 off so I could see out the back window. Theoretically, I am ok with not being able to see behind me, but when actually in the position of needing to see behind me... not ok with it at all.

Spoke w/ the lender again today, looks like we will know sometime tomorrow or the next day if we will for sure be closing on May 13th. I tend to believe that we will NOT, but it's possible.

I got my hair colored last night, and I am almost liking it now. I definitely like the color; it's just the style I'm having a hard time adjusting to.

I petted Molly w/ the torture glove last night. She was sitting on the edge of the bed and I started; careful not to go to fast as she obviously doesn't like the way it feels. She would get up and walk to the other side of the bed. When she sat down, I'd resume. Lather, rinse, repeat about 10 times. Finally she got pissed enough that she figured "FUCK THIS NOISE. I AM NOT GETTING UP AGAIN." and instead turned to me and hissed, long and scary. I tried to comfort her and pet her again, and she hissed again and jumped off the bed. I'm hoping that if I persist and do a bit of the combing every day, she'll eventually get used to it and chill the fuck out.

I have been bringing veggie stir fry to lunch (w/ shrimp) and w/ 1/2cup rice ... it is the bomb. I think it tastes better with chopsticks too; so I bought a pack of bamboo ones, and have been living it up.

We initially weren't going to clean the apartment when we left, figuring 'fuck it'. I think we've changed our mind. Our deposit was 600 bucks, so not only do we stand to get that back when we leave, if we leave before the end of may and they prorate the rent, we stand to get that back as well. EXCEPT... they first deduct carpet cleaning charges, painting charges and whatever else needs to be deducted for cleaning purposes, and THEN they figure out if you get any of the pro-rated rent and deposit back. THAT'S FUCKED UP.

We've only lived there 2 years as of May 12th... I highly, highly, HIGHLY doubt that we've done enough damage to require almost 900 bucks worth of cleaning. So we've decided that we'll do our best to try and get the shit cleaned as quick as possible, and my mom has a carpet cleaner that I am hoping she'd like to come on over and test out on our piece of shit carpets. I recognize that we will likely not get all of our deposit back, but I expect that we should at least walk away with half... ESPECIALLY considering they didn't paint before we moved in.

I also am updating the pregnancy journal today by the way.

we bought this toy for the cats a few weeks ago... they LOVE it... especially Asa. I feel really guilty when I am playing w/ Asa with it and Molly looks at me all forlornly as if to say "I want a turn." then when I try to play w/ molly, asa gets the sad face on. It's a no win pathetic situation. Asa will actually grab the end in his mouth and go running out of the room with it... Hilarious.

mmmm, finger...

Pleathe... pleathe don't put fabwic thofenerth on me while I'm laying here jutht trying to enjoy the daddy'th company. Pleathe.

Monday, May 02, 2005


Man... where does the time go? On one hand we had a nice weekend; got a lot done, and still did some of what we wanted to do; but on the other hand... man, it's Monday ALREADY?

We spent 4 hours on Sunday packing up the shit in the dining room... well, the shit in the bookcase in the dining room, and then adding various other items to those boxes from the kitchen, and also boxed some framed pictures. 4 hours. And we didn't even do the desk. Yikes.

Looks like we need to get on it, because our lender said today he's going to try and get the whole thing closed by May 12th or 13th. I still don't buy it... I think I am so untrusting of the whole thing, that when it actually happens I'll be shocked. And if it doesn't happen I'll say "yep, I knew it." I want to blink my eyes and have the next 3 weeks be done with. That would make me supremely happy.

In other news, I bought something for the cats on Saturday called the Love Glove ... it's a mitten w/ a rubber palm and thumb, and it attracts cat hair like nothing I've ever seen. I petted Molly with it for a few minutes until she couldn't take it anymore and bit the glove, and growled... but in those few minutes the amount of hair I got off of her was fucking DISGUSTING. Then it was Ben's turn, and the freak actually enjoyed it. I got a ton off of him to . I did it again last night, Molly was better, but still at one point got up and paced, and growled. Their fur is so much softer now that I've done it twice, I'm thinking of doing it every day for a while, and seeing if we can't get a handle on all this fucking shedding. UGH.

Oh, and I got my hair cut. I don't like it. I have been assured that it's trendy and cute... but I'm used to long one length hair and this is quite the departure. I told her I wanted 'long' layers... she cut them too short, because I can't tuck my hair behind my ear. AND.I.DON'T.LIKE.IT.ONE.BIT. Also, when I said that I didn't like the fact that I was putting it up and it was still touching my neck, I didn't specify that I was putting it into a french roll and the remaining hair was touching my neck. Not a fucking ponytail... of which I can barely do either anyway, at least without hairspray. I hate hairspray. Ugh. I'll be glad when all this shit grows out.

I took a picture this morning but decided that it looked mousy, so no pic yet.

I leave you with three pictures of Ben that look the same, yet cat people will recognize that he has a *completely* different expression in each one. ;-P