Wednesday, April 27, 2005


So, I spoke with our lender today and he said he would be shocked if the appraisal that took place yesterday didn't work in our favor, and that we should start packing. He also found a new program that might work better for our loan; but he is digging for more details before any decisions are made. Also, he is going to push for it to close by May 15th... but if not, it should all be squared away by May 24th.

This means we could possibly be moving over the weekend of my baby shower. Or more than likely we will be moving over Memorial Day Weekend.

This stresses me out BEYOND belief. If we move over the weekend of my baby shower, we will likely have more help from Aaron's friends, as it's not a holiday weekend. (Most go out of town I believe.) Yet, the help we get from my friends/family will be minimal because of the fucking baby shower... don't get me wrong, I am totally looking forward to the shower, but I'd be looking forward to it a lot MORE if my apartment wasn't in a shambles, and I wasn't there to overlook (read: supervise) the handling of our stuff.

I have all the faith in the world that it will all work out, but I do not look forward to trying to relax during my shower, while my apartment is being gutted and moved... I am having MAJOR trust issues here. Poor Aaron, he has to listen to this same diatribe every time we talk about moving, which is at least once a day.

The first thing I'm nervous about is that the cats will get out. My biggest fear (at least the biggest one until the baby is born, and along with it a whole new world of fears.) I have one cat carrier, that Ben and Asa could fit into, and really; so could Molly... but Molly is a bitch, and if I tried to put them all in it, I would spend the time worrying about her being mean to Ben. (Asa can handle himself.) So I need to get a carrier for Molly too. Besides that, I feel mean lockign them up in the carriers all day long... and Aaron suggested locking them in the bathroom, and putting a note on the door; but that opens up a whole other trust issue of people actually READING the note on the door... and if those cats get out, I would freak the fuck out. Bitch on wheels is nothing compared to what I would be if that happened. So, I'm currently fussing about what we'll do in that event.

Of course, if we move over Memorial Day Weekend, then the point is moot because I'll be there to supervise the handling of the cats and can make sure they are safe. That's pretty much all I can do in this whole fucking thing anyway... not being able to take an active part in this move is KILLING me. I am nervous that our nice wood bedset that we got for a STEAL is going to be tossed around. I am nervous that shit will be broken. I am nervous about anything that I could possibly be nervous over... oh, and the biggie?

It's fucking Memorial Day Weekend, and I am nervous that no one will be around to help. I really hope that I am just scared over nothing, because considering the times I have helped people move, and the times Aaron has helped people move... I am really hoping that they return the favor.... It would be one thing if I was capable, but uh.. not, and can't. Otherwise I would. For now, all I can do is worry about it.

Oh, and I decided yesterday that I was for sure not coming back to work after the baby is born. I have sort of known for a while in my mind, but wanted the extra time to mull it over. I am sort of sad about it, and sort of excited... relieved too. I am sad because I have a good deal there, I am well taken care of, and for the most part enjoy my job and my coworkers. It's not every day that you find that sort of dynamic. I appreciate it immensely, but the two factors that have sealed the deal is that life is too fucking short to deal with that fat bastard Satchel. That, and average rate for daycare for an infant is about what I bring home, I would probably net a couple hundred or so over the daycare cost... but at what point do I feel comfortable spending that kind of money per month for someone else to raise my child, so I can go and spend a day hating the Satchel fucktard?

Not only that, but I will not have this opportunity again, to spend a considerable amount of time at home raising my child... when we have our 2nd baby, I anticipate a maternity leave, but nothing like what I'll get now. (I do not plan to work until I am finished with school, in 2008.) I plan to pursue the idea of watching kids at the house, to supplement an income, but I know that it's not a sure deal. It's very scary, and I feel almost like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, about to take a very scary jump.

I know it'll all work out, but man... being a grown up is hard sometimes.

Ben, that fucker appreciates the value of clean towels.

He also appreciates daddy time.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

A Week?!

I didn't realize that it's been a whole week since I updated. YIKES! Not too much is going on... we put an offer on a condo as you recall, they countered by adding a few thousand, we accepted (though really... well, nevermind.) and today the place was supposed to be appraised. So we still don't necessarily have the place... because I just have a feeling it didn't appraise to the amount that the seller countered. I am not emotionally invested in this place at all. We'll see what happens.

I don't have a whole hell of a lot to say, other than I hate that satchel bastard more than ever... the fucker left a customer waiting for a good 15-20 minutes today because he 'forgot' and was yakking on the phone to one of his old fogie fuckers. I heard him back there and went back and hissed at him "did you forget you still have a customer out there?" He shook his head no, but got off the phone in an instant and was up there before I got back to my desk. Dumbass.

Well, how about a shitload of kitty pics because I am not so wordy today?

I also uploaded a shitload to the flickr account in the sidebar there. <-----.

Asa was in dire need of an ass scratching and decided to bug the daddy during daddy's internet surfing time.

no matter how Aaron pleaded and yelled and reasoned with him to get the fuck off the desk, Asa was merciless in trying to win the daddy over.

Merciless I say, we are putty in his paws.

And when Aaron tried to ignore him, Asa just turned the other uh... cheek.

In a last ditch effort to deal with Asa, the daddy tried to use his mouse on said cheek.

So boogerface came over to where I was sitting and tried to charm me, because really; I'm not that hard to win over. One pitiful look and I'm sunk.

That said, resting his widdle head on the widdle book was a nice touch.

An even nicer touch was the addition of a pathetic widdle paw on my pen, as if to say "no homework mama, just pet me." Of course I did... and of course I didn't get it all done, but how can I resist such cuteness?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Good lawdy. For those of you playing the home game, offer numero cinqo went out today. We should know something tommorrow by lunchtime, but if it goes ANYTHING like it has been... I'd say we'll know by friday.

I was awakened last night around 2 am from a disturbing dream about my Grandma K. I had a dream about her a few nights ago as well... actually, to be honest, I've been dreaming about both of my grandma's for the past 2 weeks almost every night. Grandma K passed away in 2001, and in my dream of her last week, she had a set amount of time she was allowed to come back from heaven to visit.

The dream itself had some bizarro stuff in it, but there were some strangely 'real' moments. In the dream, we hosted a big family reunion so she could see everyone, and we were all excited to talk to her. I asked her if she had seen Grandma Pat in Heaven as she had just passed away a short while ago. She said that she had seen her, and was surprised to see her up there so soon. Then I asked if she saw uncle Allen (and she said yes) and the duff's, to which she seemed confused. (Reverend Duff passed away some time ago, but Mrs. Duff is still here... hence the confusion?) I remember being really happy that I got to introduce her to Aaron, and I asked her if she ever got sad and missed us, to which she replied "there's no crying in Heaven." I also noticed in my dream that she was much younger than the age at which she passed away. In my dream she appeared to be in her 30's, and she explained that in heaven, you appear as you were in the prime of your life. I told her that we were having a baby and it was a boy, and she said "nothing is iron clad." .... that frickin' phrase has been rolling around in my head ever since. It's not something she would have said normally, so it sticks out in my mind.

I won't go on about the bizarro stuff, because it's all fuzzy now, and I only remember the stuff I wrote here pretty clearly because I've been retelling the dream so much. Turns out, that my mom told my aunt about the dream and she said that it's stated in the bible that 1. there are no tears in heaven and 2. In heaven everyone looks as to be in their 30's. I have not investigated this much, but damn... it kind of spooked me a bit.

Both mom and aunt Dana wanted to know if Grandma was in white, but I don't believe she was. However, we are a family that does believe in spirits and whatnot, and while there was enough wierd dream stuff involved that I don't necessarily believe the dream was anything 'special'... some of the statements make me think otherwise.

Please don't comment that there are no such things as ghosts or spirits or visits from deceased loved ones. You believe what you want to believe and I'll believe what I want to believe. NO harm done.

Anyway, last night I had another dream about her, but it was a bit disturbing, she showed up at a function of some sort and was hugging everyone, but when I went to hug her she turned and ran from me. Not such a good dream.

When I woke up, I realized I was incredibly warm and couldn't breathe so well through my nose. I NEVER sleep w/ socks on, but because I have picked up a case of Athlete's foot, I was wearing them to keep the medicine from getting all over the place. So I took the socks off, and laid there for a few minutes and if it wasn't Aaron's snoring that roused me from dozing off, then it was one of the fucking cats pawing at the door and 'mmmmmoooooowwwwwwww-ing' that did. I got up a few times and sprayed them with the canned air, and when I laid back down, the itching in between my toes was driving me absolutely MAD.

I might mention here, that my dear little cousin Matt came over to help Aaron with his car last week. He brought some clothes to change into after work, and used our shower. Not a big deal. I forgot that he has athlete's foot so bad, he says he's tried everything in the world and nothing makes it better. Well now the fool has passed this mutant strain of foot fungi to me, and since he used the tub on Wednesday, I had come down with it by Friday. I have been bleaching the tub out every time I am done with it, and have been applying tinactin ointment... I hate the spray shit, but the fucking itching is driving me around the motherfucking bend.

of course it doesn't help that at 2am when I am laying there trying not to scratch, I am getting more irate and more irate at the fact that I caught it at all. ARG.

Anyway, that's all for today. Thanks for all the comments on the homebuying stuff... I really do appreciate it, and it's putting some light on the whole subject, there are days when it all seems so easy to understand, and days when I'm like What the fucking fuck?

Check out the pregnancy journal after 6pm pacific time for 3d/4d pics of our little man!

This is what happens when your lazy wife hasn't done laundry in like a looong time. The emergency socks are called in for use.

Ben just loves quality time with the daddy.

Monday, April 18, 2005


explain this to me like I'm a six year old mmmkay? Because I'm just not getting it. Let's say we buy a condo...

*do we have to change what we claim on our tax paperwork at our employers?

*they keep throwing around the words "interest is deductible"... Does that mean I'll get paperwork from my lending institution around tax time to prove that we paid such and such amount in interest?

*how much of the interest paid will come back to us? we always get $$ back on our taxes, I average between 600-700 bucks back every year... how much more will we get back because we own?

Thursday, April 14, 2005


Don't let the title fool you, I am actually in a somewhat chipper mood today. Why? Because I spent some of my birthday money and bought some cds to add to my collection. I almost bought Jessica Simpson's 'In This Skin' or whatever, and Ashlee Simpson's 'Autobiography'... but I just couldn't do it. Jessica's cd I think I'll like in theory, but damn... the breathy singing will get on my last nerve eventually. And I just can't own an Ashlee Simpson cd... I just can't. So instead, I'm going to download the few songs I think I would have liked off their cds and try them out that way.

I did buy D12's 'world' (ok, that was actually a gift from Aaron), Eminem's 'Encore' (to replace the one I lost), Dixie Chick's 'Home' (I am always late hopping on the bandwagon, hot damn do I like this cd), and Best of the Beach Boys 'sounds of summer' (tell me, who can possibly be in a bad mood listening to these guys on a beautiful sunny day like today?).

Ok, now on to the bitterness. Latest offer on a condo was REJECTED last night. Fuck all man, we must be like the buck-toothed, pro-wings wearing, inhaler using, highwaters sporting, slightly pudgy, very pimply 13 year olds at the middle school dance who overgelled their hair and are waiting for the cute blonde kid with the nikes and fubu sweatshirt to come ask us to dance.. NO ONE wants to do business with us.

Why? Why are we so undesirable? Well Aaron's lack of credit apparently is the main factor, nevermind that mine is good, and Aaron's got 10 years of work history at his job and I've got 5. But we've only got 2 years of rental history to our names because we lived w/ parents before and didn't worry about putting our names on a lease. *sigh* Then add that we don't have a down payment and we were doing an FHA loan, which is a fine loan, but apparently scares people because FHA wants to make sure that the property is worth what they are paying for. So they tend to have requirements etc, and when they inspect the property they come up with stuff that needs to be done.

Because we don't have a down payment, we are utilizing something called the nehemiah gift program, and don't quote me on this because really; I'm no super sleuth at this stuff, but basically, nehemiah fronts our downpayment in exchange for a gift. The gift is the seller paying them back for the downpayment... what you do to make it so the seller isn't losing any dough is to make an offer on the place that is asking price PLUS the amount they would need to gift back to nehemiah. All they have to do then is sign the paper authorizing it.

Piece of cake right?

wrong. These fuckers don't care, they don't get it or something and they don't want to deal with it. This makes us unattractive buyers.

We are bitter, yes. But now we are also investigating other financing. I had a great conversation with a guy my realtor says is a miracle worker. Aaron ran him out the paperwork he needs to assess the situation... w2's, check stubs, bank statements, credit reports etc. Fun stuff. Hopefully we can secure a loan that will make us a bit more attractive and get us into a fucking place already.

Anyway, wish us luck, say a prayer, whatever. this shit bites.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Gittin it done

So, I paid off both credit cards today... no huge thing, the balances weren't very large, but in trying to cut down on monthly bills, it's 30 bucks (both minimum payments were 15 bucks a month) less that we have to worry about. Really though, we are doing well with bills... when baby comes we will cut our sprint package in half and save another 45 bucks, I haven't been getting my nails done for a few months now, and that's 40 bucks a month. When we move it'll be so long storage, so there goes another 47 bucks a month, and when we pay for Tivo's lifetime service that'll be 13 bucks off the top. Of course we will be adding a homephone, probably gonna go vonage, so that'll add in 25 bucks... and depending on if we can find a place to stash Aaron's car for a while, we may have to pay for a spot at a storage facility. I called today, and that costs 69 bucks a month... which still gives us a savings of 81 bucks a month... I gotta see what else we can tweak and get rid of.

Our nazi-regime apartment complex has now decided there is no storage of vehicles on the premises. Fine... except, wait... I pay for that fucking spot for that vehicle to be stored. GOD I can't wait to be out of there and soon! We just need to find a fucking place to live... ARG. So now Aaron is totally stressing about what we're going to do with the car, where we might be able to store it, etc. I wish that stupid house we had made an offer on had gone through; we would have closed yesterday, and been probably getting it cleaned up this very evening. AND his fiero would have a home. *sigh*

Aaron made dinner last night, it was really good. I'm all about having rice lately. Love it. He made my 'chicken cooked in cream of mushroom soup w/ thyme and sour cream' dish, and bought dessert at Starbucks. So good. Tonight I'm doing a spaghetti bake, it'll last a good two days, so that's nice.

Well, that's about all I have for today, so here's a pic or two...

someone needs to tell Asa he isn't as stealth as he thinks he is about sneaking onto my homework materials. He'll crouch all low and walk ever so slowly until he gets to where he wants to be, whether it's laying on a book I'm currently reading or trying to drape himself across the laptop.

though he must know he's not very stealth, because he looks guilty as hell.

Monday, April 11, 2005

2 years to 30

Today's my birthday. Big woo.

We also put an offer on yet another condo today, I wrote a killer suck up letter... well, maybe not killer, but if I laid it on there any thicker it wouldn't have been faxable. I am not stupid enough to think that because we made the offer on my birthday, that fate might be kind enough to smile down on us and make the deal go through. No... I just hope it's a quick and painless rejection so we can make an offer quickly on our 2nd choice. Time is running out folks.

I made a decision over the weekend that I probably will not be going to my high school reunion. At this moment I am DANGEROUSLY close to my highest weight ever. I am convinced I will reach that weight and possibly even bypass it. This scares the bejesus out of me, but what stresses me out about it even more is the idea of going to this reunion without losing hardly any of the weight I've put on. So I made a deal with myself... if I don't want to go, I won't. I'll probably want to go regardless, but if I am stressing out about the way I look, and I don't feel comfortable, then I'll skip it. That realization alone has taken a bit of the load off my shoulders. The reunion is a month and 6 days after my due date... so you can see why I was a bit worried. I am not and have never been of the mindset that I should give a shit about what a lot of those fuckers think of me...

but the fact remains that there was a handful of people I graduated with, with whom I still hold quite a bit of hostility towards... not like I lay awake at night hating them or anything. But really, I could give two shits if they lived or died, they are dicks and I didn't enjoy their presence in high school, and quite frankly, me showing up fatter than I was at graduation is not an option for my self esteem. I don't care if I just had a baby or not.

Anyway, check out the pregnancy journal for more info on how we celebrated my brithday with the family.

Tonight Aaron's making me dinner, and I'll probably get some homework done, I thought the days of me getting depressed on my birthday were over, but this year it's back with a vengeance. The nice thing is that the guys at work remembered and not only got me a cake but a gift card to home depot... and Satchel has been gone since last monday... so that's been nice. I've also gotten several e-cards from friends/family, and a few phone calls. That made me feel really good. Aaron stopped by and brought me a potted flower plant too.

Anyhoo, that's all for today, thanks for all the condolences by the way... I appreciate it, as does my family.

the only pic from my bday dinner where I don't appear as though I should be out grazing in a fucking meadow. GAH.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Suck, suck, sucketh

I know I'm a total downer lately, but I'm working on it. The two places we saw last night were faboo... of course the one we wanted already had like 2 offers on it, so forget it. I'm not about to get my hopes up when other people are already doing bidding. The other one was fine, but Aaron didn't like it enough when there's one similar to it in Des Moines. *sigh* I.Do.Not.Like.The.Des.Moines.One. I was so frustrated and irritated and whatever, I had me another anxiety moment... told my mother I didn't even feel like celebrating my birthday this year when she called and proceeded to cry all the way home. Seriously. I'm just sad. Then I went to bed.

Today, I found out I ordered all the wrong books for my anthropology class, and true to my cheap ass self, I ordered the correct books and am praying... PRAYING they get here before the 15th when our first test arrives. It's a crapshoot I know, but I like to live dangerously.

Lastly, because everyone else is doing it, I now have a flickr account. Go me.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Check Please

I am so fucking done. *sigh* Where to begin.... Let's see, Thursday morning turned out to be the worst morning I've had in a long fucking time. Epic proportions of suckage. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. I proceeded to sit on my couch and watch some stuff we'd tivo'd and wondered why I was having a hard time breathing, and why my chest was tight and why there was so much fucking adrenaline running through me. (uh... anxiety anyone?) I was also very teary and my mind was racing... but I was keeping it at bay somewhat.

I went into work, and that stupid fucker started in on me not even 10 minutes after I'd been there. I should preface this by saying we had gotten into it the day before when I'd forgotten to take care of something before the delivery guy came for a pick up. However, seeing as how we are a literal minute and half drive away from the drop off depot, I went back and proceeded to take care of the paperwork end of it about an hour before my shift was over. Plenty of time to take it and drop it off so that nothing would be late blah blah fucking blah. He says to me in his usual tone "so what are your plans to make sure that gets off in time?" I ignored him for a moment while thinking of a response as my kneejerk response is to say "uh, I plan to shove it up your ass you slimy piece shit." but no, I can't say that.

Gotta maintain some sort of cordial atmosphere, so I simply said "excuse me?" And he got indignant a bit and said "well YOU forgot to take care of it, and my customer needs it TOMORROW. What are YOU going to do to ENSURE that it gets there on TIME?" I stopped what I was doing, sighed heavily and said "what does it look like I'm doing? Obviously I'm getting it ready to go out, and quite frankly, this is EXACTLY the reason you should know how to do this sort of thing, because if I had to leave for some reason or another or whatever, you SHOULD KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN STUFF."

He shook his head and laughed (he laughs as if you are being ridiculous) and said "Allison, this is something I am quite sure you can take care of amply." I wanted to punch him in his fucking face. I replied "YESSSS. I realize that, but if for some reason I cannot, you need to be a bit more self sufficient... Do you realize K. and J. take care of their own shipping? I'm not saying you need to do it all yourself, but if I wasn't here, you would have to depend on them because you are too LAZY to do it yourself." He laughed and started in again and I said "DROP IT." and walked away. He laughed all the way back to his office.

I might note that another coworker was in the office at the time and agreed that he needs to know how to do this stuff. Anyway, I took it, it was shipped... no big fucking deal.

The next morning he felt the need to say "Make sure you get the mail off on time today." The mail had nothing to do with the day before, and really; he is not my manager, has no say over me... and I don't need to be fucking reminded at 8:10 in the fucking morning to get the goddamn mail out on time.

So I paused before replying, (not even looking up from my monitor) and said "I do not need to be reminded how to do my job, thank you." and was calm and quiet about it. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, and finally said "Allison, we're gonna have a problem." By this time the adrenaline was kicking forth like nobody's business and it was like a volcano. I turned to him, and said "oh, REALLY?" He claimed that he was chewed out for not reminding me to do the shipping the day before, and blah blah blah. I said "chewed out? CHEWED OUT? All I said was you need to be more self sufficient, which I think 90% OF everyone you interact with would agree." He denied that I said that and continued on with my attitude and blah blah. Finally after much screaming, I said "SHUT UP, AND GET AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW." He laughed and walked away shaking his head. I was so mad I thought I was going to completely freak out and lose it. By the time my coworker K. got into the office I was bawling.

Not just from That stupid fucker bothering me, but from the stress of the week, and the grief over grandma... everything. I had a dr. appt that morning, and she ended up sending me home rather than going back to work, as my blood pressure was higher than she'd like to see. I go back tomorrow for her to check it. I have so had it with his ass... the whole laughing in my face thing had better stop... luckily he's out of town this week at a convention, and won't return until next week. The day after my birthday. (I turn 28 next monday, woo.)

I told K. this morning as we did the celebratory 'ding dong the dick is gone' dance "want to know what the best part of him being gone this week is?" He said "what" and I answered "I don't have to buy the fucker a birthday cake!" His birthday is Thursday I believe, and we always buy a cake when it's someone's birthday. Not only am I not going to get his ass a cake, I'm not bothering w/ the obligatory card either. Please everyone in this office is hoping he'll go fuck himself somewhere other than our office, I'm sure they are going to be heartbroken at missing his birthday.


Oh yeah, our offer was rejected and then used to weasel another couple grand out of another offer the fuckers received around the same time. Niiiice.

My car also decided that it wasn't getting enough attention this week and proceeded to cost over 300 bucks in PARTS and still isn't done, as it's just not parts... it's rebuilding certain parts. Fuck man. So Aaron and I are one car household right now, which sort of sucks but we're dealing with it.

The funeral was on Saturday, it was lovely, there was quite a few people who turned out for it, which was nice to see. I was a mess. Literally... was fine until we pulled in the driveway of the funeral home and I lost it. We then went to the wake, and then met up w/ the rest of the family at Grandma's house for one last big dinner there.

Sunday was spent in a fog for the most part, I was emotionally and physically EXHAUSTED. Aaron and my uncle Gary worked on my car for quite a while, and I made a shitload of cookies, we dropped some off at the guy's house whose shop aaron and uncle gary worked at. The guy also gave us an excellent deal on a part, so I wanted to show my appreciation. Then we dropped some off at Uncle Gary's house and then we went to Walmart for an exercise in extreme tolerance.

I swear to God I almost lost it on this anorexic bitch w/ a fake and bake tan (and I'm talking she was george hamilton-esque) blue eyeliner, frosty pink lipstick and a spiral perm. Yes, she was wearing an oversized white sweatshirt w/ tapered acid washed jeans. I swear she was living in 1987. Anyway, she and her bo-hunk idiot husband were blocking two lines (which I had suspected) in order to get the fastest line. Well they shoved their overstuffed cart in front of us when the opportunity arose, and there was a virtual FLOOD of people to rush the line he was in as it had one person left in it... he'd been blocking it for like 15 minutes. (we were in line close to a half hour I think... Walmart is always bad, but last night it was AWFUL.) I wanted to grab a handful of her aqua-netted curls and rip her head back and say "NEXT TIME PICK A FUCKING LINE!" Bitch.

also, it was interesting to see someone who probably hasn't had a meal since her 'look' was 'in' buy so many fucking pop tarts, fruity pebbles, and hostess donuts. Gah. gave me a headache just looking at all that shit.

School also started today. *sigh* joy of joys. Had another anxiety attack in the car this morning... luckily it only lasted about 20 minutes or so. Not all fucking day like last week.

we are also going to look tonight at a few more condos (I am so ready for SOMEONE ANYONE! to fucking accept our offer!) and hopefully something will catch our eye. Tomorrow night we are celebrating my little cousin's 3rd birthday, Wednesday night is Lori's birthday, and we are considering celebrating our birthday's together this weekend. I don't know if I even feel like it anymore.

It's been a long couple of weeks.

Asa and Ben bask in the thin stream of sunlight on our messy ass bed.