Saturday, June 29, 2002


Well, I'm sick. Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick. I can't take the sinus pressure, post nasal drip and painful chest coughs any more. I am so tired of being tired, and tired of popping pills. At any given time I'm pumped full of thera-flu caplets, advil cold and sinus as well as robitussin and augmentin for good measure. But alas, no relief.

So I sit here, on this Saturday evening, nursing my raw nose with a tube of chapstick... (many people think this is gross, but I'm telling you, when your nose gets totally raw and hurts from blowing it too much, buy a tube of chapstick moisturizer and use it; relief is immediate, and not obvious... there doesn't appear to be anything on your nose, and within hours your nose is almost back to normal.) Anyway, I'm sitting here munching on M&M's, drinking diet 7up and watching the first season of Sex and the City. I like Carrie's hair much better this season than the later ones... I've only seen seasons 2 and 3 in addition to 1, so her hair might've gotten cuter in season's 4 and now 5 but I wouldn't know. Man, I"m rambling... anyhoo, while we are on the topic of Sex in the City, I gotta say I loved Carrie with Big. Aidan was cool too; I like big and Carrie before Aidan, I didn't like her cheating on Aidan with him.

I bought Vanilla Sky. I don't exactly know why I decided to buy it... I didn't get it when I saw it at the theater. But it's totally watchable... it's just fucked up if you try and find any meaning in it. I hate Penelope Cruz... I have to agree with Cameron Diaz's character in the movie...she does look like a moth.

Well, I'm outta here, time to reload on cough syrup.

Monday, June 24, 2002


In the last few weeks, (well, since Bobby's been here) I seem to have gotten a life. Lori and I used to do stuff a lot, but now that Bobby's here, we do even more. Friday night we went bowling, with Uncle Gary and Tatum. Good Ol' rock and bowl. Then we dropped Uncle G off and went to Louie's (our favorite karaoke bar) and sang our hearts out. When the bar closed, we went to Denny's and had some riveting discussions...mostly me shooshing the slightly intoxicated, and really loud Lori and Bobby. I got into bed at 4am that night. I woke up around 9 the next morning, got ready and drove out to Redmond... which, by the way is no picnic when the 520 floating bridge is closed. Everyone and their brother were taking I-90 and 405. I got out to Matt and Kelly's house, late of course, and then picked up Kylie, and drove back to Seattle. I picked Lori up and we spent the day shopping and going to the beach and having a blast with little Kylie Nykole. She is such a cutie. And she is starting to talk too, saying "more" and "uh oh" and nonononono.

Saturday night, Lori and I picked up Troy and Lori's friend Amanda, and we headed down to Puyallup to see Jessica for her B-day. We went to a sports bar called Q'z in Graham, Wa. It was kinda fun, we people watched and talked shit... all in good fun of course. Then Sunday I was a busy bee and helped paint the kitchen as well as put my room back together after the whole water heater debaucle. (it leaked into my closet, molding the carpet... my room has been in an upheaval since they ripped the stinky carpet out 2 WEEKS AGO.)

I never did get around to ironing my clothes... although I did paint my toenails. I go back to work at Safeco tonight for the next 2 weeks straight. It's gonna be a long homestand.

Friday, June 21, 2002


Man, I am feeling really mean and vengeful right now. I am hesitating to say about what, simply because I am also feeling sad and wish that I could fix what is wrong. But at the same time, I just want to spit out the words that are on the tip of my tongue, and post unflattering pic after unflattering pic of the offenders.

I hate feeling disposable. That's what it boils down to. I am fighting off the anger and resentment, because I think there is a good chance that everything could be cleared up. That or I am sadly mistaken, and pathetic and my friendships matter more to me than to my counterparts. I don't want to think that, but how can I not?

I am angry. I am angry because I am being shut out and I don't like it. I am angry because I am hanging on to a remote possibility that things can heal and grow and move on after they've been neglected and then ripped open, and left to bleed. I am angry because I know that I am not the only one who cares... but that either pride or fear or simple weariness is standing in the way of resolve. But I am also fearful... fearful that my vengeful side will win and I will ruin my chances... I don't fight for every friendship. SOME PEOPLE JUST AREN'T WORTH MY TIME. But some ARE, and unfortunately I fear the other parties do not feel the same. Do I need to just wake up and smell the rejection? Or should I nurse the hope that it'll all be fine?

I should also mention, that this is a direct result of honesty... honesty I felt was long overdue, and put nicely at that. Whoever said 'Honesty is the best policy' is full of shit. That or I am a really shitty judge of character.

***Edited to say HAPPY 25TH B-DAY TO JESSICA B.! I hope it was a good one girl:-)

Thursday, June 20, 2002

Sunny Days, Pushing the Clouds Away...

Today is a great day. It's warm and beautiful... a day for cruising in your car, windows down, pretending it's a sporty little Convertible cabriolet, speeding 10 mph over the speed limit, blasting "cruel to be kind" by Letters to Cleo and singing your heart out.

That was until I got back to the office, and let cackles irritate me by turning up the already chilly air conditioning. WTF?????? How about taking a poll to see if everyone is as warm as you are, we don't all sweat through our shirts you know. As soon as he retreated into the bathroom, and I was assured he'd be in there for a few minutes, by the symphonic range audible to anyone within 50 freakin feet, I quickly got up and turned the cold air blower off. Though, not to be outdone by Sir-piss-me-off-a-lot. Upon exiting the shitter, he asked me to please refill the towel dispenser with towels. Again, WTF???????? DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR SLAVE??? I responded with my usual blank stare, and muttered "I don't know how." He replied that he didn't know how before either, and figured it out when he loaded the dispenser last time. Well woopty freakin doo. Here, have a cookie. YOU ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING OTHER THAN SIT AT YOUR DESK AND CACKLE? Me thinks you must be sick. Anyway I just looked at him and said "whatever."

I'm sorry, but I am sick and freakin tired of him feeling the need to delegate certain menial tasks to me. It's only the menial shit... like that, and the housecleaning. NO. uh huh. I am not the maid, and just because I am a chick, doesn't mean I clean up after all the big men. Not happening, and I can guarantee you, the level of towels in the dispenser will stay the same. I am not a feminist by any means, but I have a real issue with being treated like his personal slave.

That said, it really is a lovely day, and it's about to get better since cackles is out of the office for the rest of the day around 3pm!!! Lucky me! I really need to get a grip on this though, he just drives me up the wall... his voice, his face, his presence. I detest it all. And for no particular reason, other than we got off on the wrong foot... and have continued to trip and falter on that same foot. That and he just irritates the shit out of me. Eventually when I leave here to work someplace else... he will be one of the only things I absolutely won't miss, and depending on when I decide to go; he may be the key factor in that decision.

Hey did you hear Aerosmith and Run DMC and Kid Rock are going on tour together? They will be in Seattle... well Tacoma actually on Nov. 12th I think. I am so there.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

Marriage, left and right!

OH MY GOODNESS! Nothing makes you feel more grown up than watching your pals tie the knot! Lori and I received an invitation last night to the wedding of Shane and Nolana... our coworkers at Southtown children's center, we were so excited! I haven't seen them in a long time, but was thrilled to be remembered and invited. Can't wait!

Then I got an email today about a good friend of mine, she just got engaged and will be walking down the aisle next year. Congrats Cathy and Nick!!! I can't wait till then!

I love weddings, so happy and pretty, so fun!

Friday, June 14, 2002


Man, I cannot stop listening to 'The Eminem Show', it is by far the best album I have heard in a long time. Lori (my sister) and I are hooked, absolutely hooked on the song 'Let's get down to Business'. This album is not nearly as violent as his last one, though he clearly comes across angry and bitter at his mom and his ex wife. Much of the album is a tribute though to his daughter, Hailie Jade. As well as a look into a world of fame, which he welcomed with open arms, but has come to realize is not all it's cracked up to be.

Seriously, if you have it, listen to the whole thing... if you don't have it, get it. It's an awesome awesome album.

Thursday, June 06, 2002


Is it just me or is there a rise in kidnapping lately? 4 little girls in the past what... 4 months have been abducted? And those are only the ones reported on nationally. This is absolutely ridiculous and sickening. I don't understand what has to go wrong in someone's brain to think they can kidnap someone. I just don't get it. But obviously if I or anyone else did it would be a lot easier to find and prosecute or prevent these things from happening.

I saw the movie "The Rookie" last night, check out the movie reviews page for my thoughts on that and a few other cinematic experiences.

Not much is going on right now; just applied to Bellevue Community College... am looking forward to finally getting back into the swing of things as far as school goes. Wish me luck on the financial aid front... apparently the federal government thinks I'm independently wealthy and it may be difficult for me to get funding.

I hate change. I hate that friendships change, and people change... and sometimes the changes aren't condusive to a relationship anymore. I hate the idea of losing a friend simply because it takes 'effort' to be there for them. It takes effort to wake up in the morning, and effort to brush your teeth... these are things you do because you need to... I hate the idea that we 'outgrow' certain friendships. I think it's a copout. It should be like having a pet or a child, where as time grows, you love the person/pet more and more... you don't get tired of them and just decide to find a new one. More than that, I hate thinking about it,and writing about it... so I'll just stop.

Saturday, June 01, 2002

Doctor's Lie

A little warning... I am high on vicoden and Ibuprofen right now... so forgive any typos and runon sentences.

I had my wisdom teeth extracted this morning. I am still kind of surprised I actually went through with it. It was hideous. To make a long drawn out story short, I woke up in the middle of the procedure... to feel my bottom tooth being extracted and ... that was the one they had to dig under my back molar to get. I felt it. I fucking felt it. Then I felt the glory of the stitches being put in... I was so disoriented and freaked out I was yelling... no screaming that I was in pain, and the doctor and her assistants were trying to calm me down and were telling me I couldn't feel anything and that i was just upset... bladdy bladdy bladdy. I was in and out of it, absolutely freaking out. If being calm was a 1 on a scale of one to 10 I was at 30. Had my arms and legs not been tied down, I would have been thrashing about. My sister was in the waiting room and said she could hear me screaming loudly even out there. When I got in the car I said my mouth hurt, and the doctor said I wasnt' in pain. Really? That's fucking amazing. Not only is she a shitty oral surgeon, but she's also a fucking mindreader. JACKPOT!