Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Beyond fucking tired.

I was only half joking the other night when I said (through tears) that I wanted to send him back for one that sleeps AT NIGHT. It's not that he's fussy, but the little bugger just won't settle very easy at night and it's driving me crazy. Sunday night I got THREE HOURS OF SLEEP. Last night was a tad better... but not before a fit of me throwing the covers off and stomping around because I had laid the baby down 30 fucking minutes earlier and juuuuuuust as I finally start to fall into some much needed sleep he gets the motherfucking hiccups. I wish I had a punching bag because I seriously needed to beat the shit out of something at that point.

Last night I think I got 6.5 hours or so of sleep.

So yeah. I'm fucking tired. I am having issues w/ breastfeeding... more my issues than Seth's. I have either been pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 2 years. I think that is a big part of wanting to stop. The fact that I feel like I'm always on the couch nursing the baby while Nolan entertains himself on the floor not only makes me feel guilty, but throws in the added bonus of feeling like a shitty mother as well. Of course the thought of giving up nursing all together doesn't do much for my feeling like a good mother either... and believe me, I know how stupid that is. It's just something I cannot let go of. I nursed nolan for 5 mos and pumped for a good month or more after that. I feel like I owe it to Seth to do the same. But it does suck because he's a sleepy nurser and often will nurse, fall asleep and then wake up either when I lay him down or shortly thereafter to eat again. Never mind that it's almost impossible to get the child to stay awake during some feedings. *sigh* I am just so tired.

And before I forget, Nolan uses 'uh-oh' and 'ball' and 'nana' (banana)correctly as words. He will repeat them and also: 'yeah', 'hey', 'papa' and 'Seth' if asked (and if he's in the mood to.) He's such a little sponge these days.

Anyway, here's some pictures...



Nolan's first time in his coat



Not exactly a big fan of it



he had a really hard time staying on his feet and keeping his balance in it



Not to mention he couldn't turn his head once he was in his carseat, lol.



punkin head








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