(originally posted on 8.28.06)
Today has not been a good day. Yesterday was a good day... my mom and sister threw me a diaper shower, and I got to spend the day w/ some very fabulous women and was totally spoiled (or rather, baby was spoiled ;P) oh and there were fun games, lots of chit chat and most importantly... costco carrot cake. It was a good day. Nolan's godmother Sarah helped me TREMENDOUSLY with him (for that I am eternally grateful!!!)... keeping tabs on him as he wandered the yard. He got to play with his friends Kj and Julia and it was just a really good day.
Friday and Saturday and Yesterday were all punctuated w/ some nasty braxton hicks though. Luckily they didn't really bother me during the shower, but all that morning and last night... not that I'd get them regularly... but they just make it really hard to breathe. I wasn't in any pain or anything, but it definitely makes getting stuff done a lot harder.
All last night and this morning I was so sore (probably from the b/h I am assuming)in my lower abdomen... haven't had many b/h today, so that's a good thing. (I might add it's not a dehydration issue or an overdoing it issue either...).
Anyway. It's not been a good day today. I don't even want to go into it other than to say that I am stressed, I am TIRED of the tantrums and I myself have done my share of crying out of frustration today. And if I catch my tummy/bellybutton on one more fucking thing I might completely lose it. (Aaron - in case you notice that the pantry door is a bit off kilter, I just want to say we're damn lucky it's still on there after I was through w/ it this morning.)
So, because I'm not having a good day, here is a list of things that are stressing me out in no particular order.
1. I don't know how to parent a spirited toddler. (if that's even the case... could be the age, I don't know... but we are not meshing well and I need to figure out what the FUCK to do to avoid days like this.)
2. the kitchen table. (currently cluttered beyond recognition)
3. my bedroom... and the lack of organization, tidyness I seem to be requiring these days.
4. the sheets on the bed. Seriously. WHO THE FUCK designed these sheets? the corners come off the bed CONSTANTLY... and you know, on a good day... it's down right irritating. on a bad day, it's license to beat the hell out of someone/something.
5. my car needs a tuneup.
6. aaron's trunk needs to be waterproofed.
7. I'm so tired I could vomit.
8. I have no name for this baby.
9. this motherfucking website is going to be the death of me. Seriously... I realize I may have done it to myself, but those idiotic fuckers over at simonweb are now not answering my emails. *sigh* That was another reason for the crying today... it's just a big bunch of bullshit I don't feel like dealing with. I have found a few other hosting companies that seem good, but we'll see. I just hate simonweb with such a passion right now.
10. I am tired of being big. I like that I have a belly and look pregnant, but I am TIRED of catching it on stuff. Spilling stuff on it and most of all I'm tired of being uncomfortable, in pain and overall pregnant in general.
11. I hate my hair. Not the style.. but the texture and thickness changed w/ both pregnancies. It went from being thin and easy to deal w/, to growing an extra row of hair (which is now about 3" long all around my head) and is so thick I don't even blow dry it anymore.
12. I don't know what I'm going to do w/ nolan when I'm in the hospital. Initially My sister was going to come to our house and watch him, but she doesn't want to do that. I understand why, it's a pain in the ass, but he can no longer stay at my mom's (a plan we devised somewhat recently) as my mom broke her foot on friday and there's no way the cast is going to be off in time ... which leaves the options so far of him either staying at Lori's house and then being taken to my mom's during the day (to be watched by his auntie karen) or having one of my best friend's Holly just stay at our house w/ him and then drop him off. I trust them both, but Nolan doesn't really know holly... whereas he knows and adores Lori... But the bottom line is that he's going to be away from Aaron and I for 3.5 days or so. He's used to mainly being around us, and w/ his schedule being all messed up in that time, and being away from us (though he'll see us when he's brought up to the hospital) his little world will be completely turned upside down.
I just want him to be in his own bed... I am torn as to whether I am being unreasonable w/ this request, but ... this is a kid of routine... and if he's at least in his own bed, I feel like he'll have some semblance of normalcy. *sigh* this is when I want to kick my own ass for getting pregnant so soon. I hate that I am putting him in this predicament... worried sick is actually a better way to put it. He's not going to know what the heck is going on.
13. my pantry. I need to just throw out the shit we will never use. I am so sick of the clutter in there I could scream.
14. I need to pack my hospital bag and I have zero motivation to do it.
15. have I mentioned that I'm tired?