Sunday, July 03, 2005


Nolan Leo Vincent M.

This will be a very long, very picture intensive post... to not only make up for the absence, but also to give me a day or two before I feel guilty for not posting again. :-)

Let's start from the beginning...

I was supposed to go in for my c/s (c-section) on the morning of June 29th, but got bumped, and had to wait around all day with no food and NO WATER... until they could reschedule me for 5pm that night. Because we were up and dressed at the butt crack of dawn, we decided to go ahead and get breakfast after we found out we were bumped. It was 6am, and they told me to 'eat hearty' because I couldn't have a bite to eat or a sip to drink after 8 am. I'd already not had anything since midnight the night before. So we went to IHOP and had a nice breakfast and tried to get over the giddiness of what lay ahead of us.

we spent the day laying around, napping... watching television, and I did a lot of web surfing. Once we got the confirmation call at noon to be at the hospital at 3:30pm, I could barely sit still.

We got to the hospital and they immediately showed us to our room, and had me get undressed and into my gown. I was beyond nervous. Beyond scared. Although, I was handling it really well. I knew that if I saw my family before surgery it would open everything up and I would not be able to hold back the tears... not from being afraid of dying on the table or anything... just the fear of the unknown etc. The nurse who prepped me for surgery was wonderful, and was calming and didn't hurt me when she put in my IV. She answered all of my questions and was enthusiastic and reassuring. I couldn't have asked for a better prep nurse.

Aaron and I just before we walked into the operating room.

The anxiety REALLY hit once I was in the actual O.R. They had Aaron wait outside while they administered the spinal and inserted my catheter. I was sweating like you wouldn't BELIEVE, and taking deep breaths. I was at that point where I actually wished I wasn't pregnant, had never gotten pregnant etc. I couldn't get past my fear, and I was pissed as hell at myself for getting myself into this situation at all. It seemed to take forever to get that shot in and done. Once that was done they swung my legs up and on the table and started in with the catheter bit. At this point, my anasthesiologist (sp?) was firing questions at me left and right all whilst wiping a little wet pad on me... Is this cold? this? this? this? this? and my doctor had her hands down near my nether regions, getting ready to insert the cath and was also asking me stuff. I started to flip out mentally especially because I could feel her hands down 'there' and did NOT want her to do ANYTHING until I was numb. I finally snapped at the anasthesiologist "I CAN ONLY CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING AT A TIME!" And then mentioned that I could feel my doctor's hands. Mr. Know it all anasthesiologist was like "you won't feel any pain, just possibly pressure... relax." I said "YOU don't know what I feel and I CAN FEEL HER HANDS." Fucker. Gah. To his credit, he did a good job, but when a patient is freaking the fuck out and already has 'issues' w/ pain and stuff in her girly bits... don't tell me it won't hurt.

anyhoo, they finally got everything situated and Aaron came in. I was so freaked out I didn't even want to hold his hand... I was in pain because my shoulder felt all hyper-extended and I was mentally bouncing off the walls. I couldn't feel anything, I was just in the middle of one of my more intense anxiety attacks... one of the worst I've yet to experience. The doctors kept talking to me, trying to make me feel better, and Aaron kept stroking my forehead and trying to reassure me. I started to cry a few minutes later... nothing major, as I didn't want to completely lose my shit... but I looked at Aaron and I said "I just don't think I can put myself through this again." He just nodded.

A few minutes later, my doc said that I would feel some pressure and they would be getting the baby out. I did feel some pressure, nothing major... and then she said they had the head out and they were suctioning the nose and mouth. Then we heard it. The most big and beautiful cry ever... I did completely lose it at that point. I just started bawling (and for honesty's sake, I'm getting a bit choked up right now remembering it...) and Aaron gave me a kiss on the forehead. They pulled the rest of the baby out and announced that it was indeed a beautiful baby boy. My doc held him up for just a moment for us to get a peek... he was covered in the grey/white vernix and was crying so nice and big.

Nolan Leo Vincent was born at 5:42pm, 8lbs 8.9oz, 20 inches long. His apgars were 8 and 9, and he was wide awake and ready to start feeding immediately.

Daddy got this first picture of Nolan when he was being worked on by the nurses.

And here he is being weighed... yes I blurred out his penis... no I don't know why. I just don't think I want the whole world staring at my son's potty.

The strange thing is... as soon as I heard that cry... before I ever saw him or anything, it made everything worth it. The *moment* he started crying and I realized that not only was he worth it, but I would do it all over again and again and again and again. All it took was a healthy set of lungs to snap my ass back into reality... and man, does he have a healthy set of lungs!

They finished up the surgery without a hitch, and Aaron held Nolan for the last part of it. My doc was very pleased and said that everything had gone perfectly. I was elated and couldn't feel anything lower than my ribs... I wanted to run and scream and most importantly I wanted to get that baby into my arms and take a good long look at his face. (I should mention he was not named yet... we didn't name him until the morning after he was born.)

They wheeled me back into my room and encouraged me to start nursing immediately. (I had stated to more than one person that I wanted to avoid formula supplementation if at all possible, and planned to exclusively breastfeed... and was completely open to seeing the lactation nurses etc.) They set him down and he took to nursing like a duck to water ... or however that analogy goes. He nursed like a champ, and continued to stay wide awake for the next several hours.

Our families came in and visited and marveled at this little bundle... I was higher than a kite on the pain pump meds... (highly recommend them... highly), and was so in love with my son I couldn't even put it into words. I still really can't. I nursed him on demand over the next few days... his second night he decided that that's ALL he wanted to do. I was starting to freak out a bit... my milk didn't come in until Saturday, so this was Thursday night and he nursed on and off (mostly on... 30-45 minutes at a time with 10-15 minute breaks) for about 4 hours. I was so sore and miserable I didn't know what to do... I started to panic and called the nurse. I knew he was getting a lot of colostrum because the nurses kept marvelling at all of the wet diapers he was giving... a good sign I guess.

He'd been circumcised that day, so I wasn't sure if he was sore or if he had a tummy ache or what the deal was. I wasn't sure if he was needing to suck for comfort and was not sure if we should introduce the pacifier quite yet... I did NOT want to nurse again for at least a few hours, to let the lansinoh have some time to do it's thing. The nurse told us we should probably hold off on the pacifier, though it was our choice. She said that most newborns really just need to suck and feel as though their tummy is at least being coated, and I should probaby just try to pacify him with my finger or try to continue nursing.

I continued nursing. It was a long night... the lansinoh was applied after every feeding and I feel it really did help, though I was a bit cracked and bloody on one side the next day. They did say that if was nursing that much, it would likely bring my milk in a bit early. (This was the ONE thing that kept me going... that and his cute little face.) The next night I was introduced to the miracle that is Ameda gel pads... they are called lots of different things, but they are WONDERFUL. I would have Aaron put them in the fridge during feedings and then put them back on afterwards... they helped soothe the skin SO MUCH.

So, we ended up coming home from the hospital on Saturday... we are doing wonderfully... I am sore as hell, but feeling great. I can't BELIEVE how freakin' itchy my belly is... not even the incision; the skin and stretchmarks that have shrunk down a bit. I am dismayed to have only lost about 15ish pounds so least that is my estimate. Am still swollen in the feet and hands, and am wondering when the heck THAT is going to go away.

Nolan is thriving, he eats like a champ... he HATES having his diaper changed, but if he's eaten recently and we change it he could care less. He is absolutely the most wonderful thing... I could gush for hours about how much I love him and how I can't believe that in just four days I have formed this bond with this child... that I cannot ever fathom breaking. I am head over heels in love with this baby and I feel so incredibly lucky to have him in my life.

I am also surprised at how much I'm enjoying breastfeeding... doesn't always feel the best (and man, if ONE.MORE.PERSON. tells me that it shouldn't hurt so the latch must not be right I will scream. It's uncomfortable at times (better now that my milk finally came in) but sometimes at first it actually hurts. The Lactation consultants and nurses and everyone else kept checking the latch and congratulating me on getting it right... I think for me it just hurts sometimes.) but I feel really... maternal, and like I'm needed and ... I just really am glad it's going well. I am not brave enough to nurse in front of people yet, don't know that I ever will be... so I would have people leave the room when the time came, or now that I'm home if people are over, Nolan and I retire to the bedroom and watch a little tivo while he has his lunch.

I am just really really loving being a mom and really really really loving this little guy. He is healthy and I am healthy and all is well. He did come down with a touch of jaundice, but his pediatrician didn't seem too worried as long as he's pooping and peeing a lot... this kid is a super pooper, so I'm feeling very confident that in 2 weeks when we go back for his pedi appt, he'll be doing just fine.

Now how about some more pics?

Nolan got his first bath the night he was born.

Our little hambone. He was a few hours old here, and wide freakin' awake... he hasn't been that awake since!

My handsome little man

He's even cute when he's pissed

Sweet little angel boy

This one cracks me up... not a fan of the close ups!

Little mister ready to come home (LOVE THE BOOTIES!)

Heh...we call this his donald trump face

this picture just makes me laugh... the hat was way too big and he was pissed as hell. Laughed so hard I almost started crying from the incision pain.

his official hospital photo

I was tempted to choose this one... the expression on his face and his little arms just kill me. He looks older than 3 days old too, and it's as if he's saying "NOLAN'S IN THE HOUSE!"

First thing I did when we got home was lay him in his cradle. He didn't object.

We call him our little sleep connoisseur, he loves him some sleep and some big ol' stretches.

Here he was settled into his first night of sleep at home.

Here we are this morning, I look pretty rough but nolan is a dream in yellow.

This is what he wore today, a big day... he got to meet his great grandpa and it was his first trip to his grandma and grandpa's house! (The socks on the hands... yes, it looks bad... but it looks worse when there isn't anything covering up those little claws and he scratches the shit out of his face. I am hoping to get up the guts enough to trim or file them down tonight.)

Nolan and his great grandpa Leo (also his namesake)

He loves his daddy

Bliss. Utter bliss.

I should note that we are all in agreement that this little guy takes after his daddy and the martin clan in the looks dept... I specifically see shades of aaron's dad and Aaron really sees a lot of his granpa in nolan. The weird thing is, My mom and I really see alot of me in him as well... the 'newborn' me.

check it out...

my hospital picture

And a few weeks old here

I was feeding him the other night and had this strange feeling... staring at him I felt like I was nursing myself... WEIRD.

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