Monday, June 27, 2005

This is it...

Today is my last day of work... crazy. In August I would have been here 5 years. I am both scared and excited to not work anymore... scared because I don't know if I'll like being at home; excited because I don't have to see satchel's ugly ass face anymore or hear his annoying ass voice anymore. Scared because I've been working since I was 16, and full time since I graduated high school... it's what I'm used to. Excited because though I'll be at home, I will be with my baby; and that's a whole new adventure. Scared because I'm afraid I'll feel inferior or feel like I'm not pulling my weight (even though Aaron assures me that this thought is ridiculous) and excited because though I'll be busy w/ the baby... it'll be on my terms, and not punching a clock or dealing with a coworker I loathe and despise. Scared because financially it will tighten things up way more than I think I even anticipated... and excited because... well... I don't know. I just am.

I am also a little bit sad... the company I work for is great. Satchel was my one big downfall there. I enjoyed working with the other guys in the office, and interacting with the staff in our other offices... and unlike any other job I've ever had, I really had flexibility with regards to school, or if I had doctor appts, and the holidays... we were spoiled on the holidays, and really taken care of. It's not very often that you find a company or a boss like this one, and I don't take the fact that I'm leaving very lightly. Yes, I made a choice to go... but it wasn't the easiest choice in the world. Granted, the fact that satchel exists made it a lot easier, but if he weren't here... I don't think I would have been as eager to leave.

Speaking of satchel... he's off today, and I plan to enjoy every single minute of his absence. Seems like a fitting going away present, don't you think?

Got the pack and play set up over the weekend, courtesy of Aaron, and he also installed the carseat last night. The house is a mess, but we will tackle that tonight and I'll probably do some straightening up while I'm home tomorrow. Just want everything to be spic and span when we come home, so I don't have to worry about anything. Lori is going to house sit while we are gone so the kitties will be fed, litter will be scooped and she'll be a lot closer to work that way.

Friday night I was so freakin' uncomfortable. My dr. appt went fine, we went to costco; picked up a few last minute things, and by the time we got home I was EXHAUSTED and my back was really stiff. Aaron laid down and was asleep before 10pm; I laid down too; but couldn't sleep. So I ended up surfing the net for about an hour (gotta love the wireless connection) and then laid back down... woke up an hour later around midnight in severe discomfort. I had some serious crotch pain, and my lower back was so stiff and uncomfortable. I got up (with much grunting and moaning) and went into the living room, poured myself a bowl of chocolate lucky charms, and surfed the net some more. Around 2 I went back in and laid down; but was so uncomfortable I was near tears. I sat up and crocheted for a bit, and turned the tv on. Aaron woke up about an hour later, and we talked for a bit. He fell back asleep; and I couldn't take sitting or laying in bed anymore, so I grabbed some pillows and a blanket and set myself up on the couch. I put in the movie "Peggy sue got married" and was asleep within 15 minutes. Sitting up, but still... asleep. I slept from about 3:30ish until about 7am, and then was uncomfortable again, so I went back into the bedroom (Aaron was now up for the day) and I laid in there for a good hour or two before finally giving up and getting up. All day long, my back and crotch hurt... like I'd been kicked there... it was awful.

It wasn't strong, it was just there... and it didn't come and go... it was just constant. Finally around 4pm or so I called Heather and asked her what contractions felt like, just to be sure. What she described didn't really fit the bill; I didn't really think I was having contractions anyway. I sat on my birthing ball for a bit, which helped for a few minutes, but nothing major. Heather did describe some lower back stretches, and those felt nice when I tried them, but I had yet to really have a respite from the pain.

We went to my mom and dad's house for dinner... I was still in a lot of discomfort, but was able to keep my mind off of it over there. When we went home, I was miserable, and the baby kept doing these large slow movements that made me want to cut him out of there myself. I was near tears and told Aaron I didn't think I ever wanted to be pregnant again. I was worn out. Out of desperation, I took a few tylenol and laid down; and slept straight away until 8am. All day sunday I felt good... it was AWESOME. I still had bouts of pressure and some soreness still; but it was light years away from the discomfort from the day before, and today I feel damn good as well. I highly doubt the Tylenol did much, but God bless it anyway.

Last night we went to a bbq over at Aaron's uncle's and that was nice. Everyone is very excited to meet the baby, and his cousin gave me a really cute gown w/ little mittens in the sleeves and some booties that she used in the hospital for her little boy just a few months ago. All that's really left to do now is pack the last few essentials, and I'll do that tommorrow. I wonder when it will actually set in that we are about to have a baby?

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