Wednesday, April 27, 2005

GET PACKING

So, I spoke with our lender today and he said he would be shocked if the appraisal that took place yesterday didn't work in our favor, and that we should start packing. He also found a new program that might work better for our loan; but he is digging for more details before any decisions are made. Also, he is going to push for it to close by May 15th... but if not, it should all be squared away by May 24th.

This means we could possibly be moving over the weekend of my baby shower. Or more than likely we will be moving over Memorial Day Weekend.

This stresses me out BEYOND belief. If we move over the weekend of my baby shower, we will likely have more help from Aaron's friends, as it's not a holiday weekend. (Most go out of town I believe.) Yet, the help we get from my friends/family will be minimal because of the fucking baby shower... don't get me wrong, I am totally looking forward to the shower, but I'd be looking forward to it a lot MORE if my apartment wasn't in a shambles, and I wasn't there to overlook (read: supervise) the handling of our stuff.

I have all the faith in the world that it will all work out, but I do not look forward to trying to relax during my shower, while my apartment is being gutted and moved... I am having MAJOR trust issues here. Poor Aaron, he has to listen to this same diatribe every time we talk about moving, which is at least once a day.

The first thing I'm nervous about is that the cats will get out. My biggest fear (at least the biggest one until the baby is born, and along with it a whole new world of fears.) I have one cat carrier, that Ben and Asa could fit into, and really; so could Molly... but Molly is a bitch, and if I tried to put them all in it, I would spend the time worrying about her being mean to Ben. (Asa can handle himself.) So I need to get a carrier for Molly too. Besides that, I feel mean lockign them up in the carriers all day long... and Aaron suggested locking them in the bathroom, and putting a note on the door; but that opens up a whole other trust issue of people actually READING the note on the door... and if those cats get out, I would freak the fuck out. Bitch on wheels is nothing compared to what I would be if that happened. So, I'm currently fussing about what we'll do in that event.

Of course, if we move over Memorial Day Weekend, then the point is moot because I'll be there to supervise the handling of the cats and can make sure they are safe. That's pretty much all I can do in this whole fucking thing anyway... not being able to take an active part in this move is KILLING me. I am nervous that our nice wood bedset that we got for a STEAL is going to be tossed around. I am nervous that shit will be broken. I am nervous about anything that I could possibly be nervous over... oh, and the biggie?

It's fucking Memorial Day Weekend, and I am nervous that no one will be around to help. I really hope that I am just scared over nothing, because considering the times I have helped people move, and the times Aaron has helped people move... I am really hoping that they return the favor.... It would be one thing if I was capable, but uh.. not, and can't. Otherwise I would. For now, all I can do is worry about it.

Oh, and I decided yesterday that I was for sure not coming back to work after the baby is born. I have sort of known for a while in my mind, but wanted the extra time to mull it over. I am sort of sad about it, and sort of excited... relieved too. I am sad because I have a good deal there, I am well taken care of, and for the most part enjoy my job and my coworkers. It's not every day that you find that sort of dynamic. I appreciate it immensely, but the two factors that have sealed the deal is that life is too fucking short to deal with that fat bastard Satchel. That, and average rate for daycare for an infant is about what I bring home, I would probably net a couple hundred or so over the daycare cost... but at what point do I feel comfortable spending that kind of money per month for someone else to raise my child, so I can go and spend a day hating the Satchel fucktard?

Not only that, but I will not have this opportunity again, to spend a considerable amount of time at home raising my child... when we have our 2nd baby, I anticipate a maternity leave, but nothing like what I'll get now. (I do not plan to work until I am finished with school, in 2008.) I plan to pursue the idea of watching kids at the house, to supplement an income, but I know that it's not a sure deal. It's very scary, and I feel almost like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, about to take a very scary jump.

I know it'll all work out, but man... being a grown up is hard sometimes.



Ben, that fucker appreciates the value of clean towels.



He also appreciates daddy time.

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