Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Fuck it.

So we were approved for a loan for a home last weekend. Good news right? The funniest fucking part is we were approved for an astronomical amount that we couldn't afford now, let alone when we will be living on one freakin' paycheck. So I contact our lender today and have him work up some numbers for us... what the primary payment would be for different prices. *sigh* how does 10 grand cheaper in list price result in only a 40 dollar difference per month? So, though I plan on doing SOMETHING to supplement my income whether it be to watch kids or whatever, I am not counting that because to me it's not stable enough to count on in our budget.

So I have been trying to work the numbers in our favor and man. It's fucking depressing. We are going to be the little broke kids for the next few years. We all pay our dues at some point though, and I guess this is just our time. :-)

My political science teacher wants us to watch the state of the union tonight as homework, but I am not down for that shit. I'll read up on it when all is said and done, but I cannot stand to hear that weasely little fucker's voice for more than 2 seconds at a time. I don't buy a word of it anyway, lying cocksucker.

The satchel hate has reached epic proportions as of late, and I it takes the self restraint of a saint to not go in there and kick him right in the nuts. GAWD. He is such an ass... an idiotic, annoying fucker. I have been trying to handle it better because all the irritation and stress is not good for the peanut but damn... it's hard. I did manage to bite my tongue today when he said "huh?" 4 times in a row and just E.NUN.CI.ATE.ED. EV.ER.Y. SYLL.A.BEL. VE.RY. LOUD.LY. I admit, I may be a dick but it's better than screaming "get a FUCKING HEARING AID!"

Aaron's grandfather's ashes are being placed this friday, at the same cemetery that my Grandma is at, and no, I've never been to see my Grandma's grave because it is much easier to live in denial if you've never seen the proof. When I was writing down the address yesterday I searched for her name on the gravesite locator and it came up... the instant I saw it I almost barfed and proceeded to blink back tears for a few minutes. When I got home and Aaron mentioned that we should pay a visit to her grave I burst into tears and I think I may have freaked him out a bit. This is a sensitive topic anyway, but with the preggo hormones it just hits a touch harder. 4.5 years and the wound still bleeds. A lot.

Asa wonders which love is stronger ... his love for the box or the cord that is dangling seductively in front of him.

Still pondering...

The cord wins again!

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