Thursday, February 03, 2005


My dad left a snarky comment about my lack of 'daily' postings in the guestbook, and while he's right, I haven't been updating daily I would just like to say "don't start with me old man."

As of late I have a generally piss poor attitude about this blog/journal.. I sort of hate that it's accessible by anyone and everyone, and I sort of hate that people I don't like can log on and read about me, and quite frankly; I'm tired ... TIRED of feeling like I need to censor myself. I don't mean I want to trash people or whatever, but if I say something about how I hate the president or how I think anyone who truly thinks the president is doing a good job and is an honest man, you're an idiot... I worry that I may offend you. Believe it or not, I have some republican friends/readers/relatives and I am not trying to alienate them, but dammit... I should be able to say what I want without offending them. *sigh*

That and the fact that I have a generally piss poor attitude about everything, and I don't want to start getting hate mail or people to stop reading because I'm a whining asshole. I am not an unhappy person, but the hormones have turned me a bit upside down. I started at one point, writing a gratitude journal that I kept in my purse, but then there are days like yesterday when I see no reason to be upbeat... NOTHING makes me happy and I sit and fight back the tears because lately, once I start crying I cannot stop. and I don't want pity, or even sympathy... I am not fishing for compliments or emails telling me to keep my chin up, because even though I like them... they make me feel even worse. I am just trying to get a handle on this shit without stressing too much...

I read an article today that reported that there are studies showing that women who are under a considerable amount of stress in their 2nd trimester have children who later go on to have ADD. Grreeeeaaat. So I am eliminating all stressors in my control. Those that are out of my control... I am just trying to deal without becoming all 'end of the world' about it.

In other news, I am up another motherfucking 6lbs... which, in the interest of honesty here, brings total weight gain during this pregnancy to a whopping 30 lbs. *sigh* I cried a little about that already. I am so afraid all of my work in the past will be for naught, and I am concerned that gaining too much will cause problems... and fuck it people, I'm Goddamn hungry and I'm counting motherfucking calories... I do NOT think 1100-1200 calories a day for a fucking pregnant woman is unreasonable!!!

For more news on my doc appt, check out the pregnancy journal.


Ben sat like this for a good 10 minutes before I startled him and he went back to crouching.

Molly loves the top of the chair, and if you're in it and lean your head back, she'll sniff your hairline.

"AGAIN with the camera?"

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