BLINKING BACK TEARS
I'm just going to touch on this because it's been a rough morning, but today is the third anniversary of my Grandma's death. I'm taking it a lot harder than I anticipated, and have been blinking back tears all morning... and it fucking sucks. I don't particularly want to talk about it, but this just proves that keeping grief at arms length so you don't have to deal with it doesn't necessarily work. I miss her so much sometimes it amazes me that it's only been 3 years. I had an entire entry typed out in my head about her and things I'd like to share with her... but I don't have it in me to write. Or rather, I do, but I'm tired of crying, I hate crying. At least I hate sad crying.
And I don't have a cute cry face either. So there you go. If you'd like to see my little tribute (that does zero justice to the woman my grandma was, but still in some way pays a little respect to her go here. I never understood why people didn't visit the graves of their loved ones, and I guess now I get it. I have immeasurable guilt over the fact that I have never been to where my Grandma was laid to rest. I feel worse than you could know about that, but I just don't want to go. I'm sure eventually I will, but now I just can't.
Ok, onto other things... Lori said to write a long entry so you have her to thank for the rambling today.
The satchel fuck is sick, and fucking hacking on everything. One of my coworkers got pissed off because last night the fucker was complaining about not feeling well and coworker told him he should just stay home and not get everyone sick. He cackled it off (I'd say laughed it off but he doesn't laugh, he cackles a cackle that makes me want to punch a wall.) and sure enough the bastard came in today. I took the lysol wipes and wiped down everything he touched and then sprayed the shit out of those surfaces with Lysol as well... if he gets me sick, he better fucking watch out.
Hmmm, what else can I ramble on about... I lost 5 lbs in the last two weeks! I have been doing weight watchers, well sort of. I would end up over my points by 1 point every day for a while, and since I've been really watching it, it seems to be paying off. That and for dinner I've been cutting out starches completely. For now it seems to be helping, we'll see in the long run. I 've been eating stir fried veggies (in pam and water...) with my chicken breast and sauce without rice and it's damn good. I do love rice, and noodles and bread... and anything remotely starchy. But cutting them out isn't killing me. And that's key right?
Although, I did have this for dinner this weekend, fried rice w/ sausage... and it was dammmmmnnnn good.
Benny and Aaron hang out and watch tv