Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I MISS GRANDMA

Two years ago today my maternal grandma passed away. She went into the hospital a few days before September 11th, with what we all assumed to be a minor problem. Her minor problem eventually erupted into a mass of other problems that inevitably she was unable to recover from, and a hole has been left in our family ever since. Most of that time is a blur to me... I think probably because it was happening at the same time September 11th happened and I was in a literal tailspin over it all. I do remember the waiting room... The waiting room at Auburn General Hospital had become our home away from home. I remember the sounds of the machines in Grandma's room, and sitting in that room for hours on end with my family... just watching and listening. I remember buying tons of chocolate bars for Grandpa because that's the only food we could get him to eat. I remember sleeping on the waiting room floor with my cousins the night before my grandma died. Playing cards, searching for donuts and trying to escape the thoughts that this may be it.

Mainly though, even two years later I am still dealing with the anger and sadness. I am kinda pissed that things had to end so abruptly... and I can't freakin believe it's been two years. She's missed so much... that in itself pisses me off one moment and makes me want to cry the next. She's missed seeing her two great grandchildren grow and fluorish in their new environment. She's missed watching her only grandson fall in love and settle down. She's missed the changes that have gone on in our household with the progress my dad has made and my mom's surge of independence. She would be so proud. She'll miss my sister graduate from college, She hasn't seen me since I lost the weight... she'll never meet Aaron... And stupid as it is... it just pisses me off. It just sucks... and really there isn't much more I can say than that-- Other than I miss her terribly, and I would give my left arm to answer the phone one last time to hear her say "hi honey". That's all.

anyway... I don't really know how to transition from that to a normal entry so I guess I'll just tell you that I am tired. But feeling better overall. Man, it's hard as hell to get used to going to bed early. I am such a nightowl. But that's ok... I will do this. I have also added some more vitamins and stuff to my daily arsenal in my quest to strengthen my immune system. I am now taking a daily, 1000 mg of Vitamin C, odorless garlic, and Echinacea. Any other tips as to what I may be forgetting? Hopefully that's going to be enough. I figure as time goes on, the outcome can only be a positive one as long as I stick to this regimen right?

anyhoo, I got stuff to do so I'll catch you all later. No pictures today; go back to the main page and bask in the loveliness that was my grandma. She was a beauty wasn't she?


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