Wednesday, November 27, 2002


It is so one of those days. I didn't make it to bed this morning until almost 4am. My grandpa was sick and my sister drove out to Auburn to take him to the emergency room around 6pm. At 10:30pm my mom and I arrived to relieve her; I was at that time tired, sore (I worked out a little too hard) and sweaty. Around midnight I noticed my already dwindling patience was gone... and I was no peach to be around. Actually, I think that statement is the completely underexaggerated... I was a fucking bitch to be around last night. I feel bad about this... I do. I don't like being like that, but it was almost out of my control... mom kept urging me to just lay down and sleep while we waited. I have slept in that fucking waiting room too many times already and it is uncomfortable, cold and ... it's not my bed, so I don't sleep for shit anyway. I was pissed because the 'on call' doctor was supposed to be on his way in at 10:30, and we were told it only took him 45 minutes to commute. His ass didn't roll in until 12:20... 2 HOURS LATER. I was pissed. Around 1 am, I told mom they should just quit dicking around and admit grandpa; but God forbid. Mom was as frustrated as I was; no one seemed to know what was going on... around 2 I was starving. We went up to Albertsons, so I could get something reasonably healthy to eat... I refused to eat anything out of the vending machine. I didn't sweat my ass off on the elyptical trainer and treadmill for an hour to eat a bag of m&m's. I was being snappy to mom, which I also feel bad about... I kept telling her I wasn't mad at her, and I wasn't... I was just frustrated at the entire situation. She was just the lucky one to get the brunt of it all shoved on her. I felt bad about snapping at her and being a jerk, which soured my mood even more. When we got back; I ate in the car and got to the point in my book that mom had warned me was hideous...violent... depressing... and just closed the book... I didn't want to read anymore. I sunk further into the dark after I read that chapter... almost wished I had never even picked up the damn book in the first place. Mom came out to the car and said that the hospital decided against releasing him like we were told and were now admitting him. He is being released today; but is still sick, so I anticipate a bumpy road ahead of us.

I got up around 8:30, dicked around for a while, got in the shower and made it into work by 10:30. I am wearing my new long sleeve tee from old navy that I got for 4 bucks... I love it. I like the way it looks on me and like that it is brown and not black. (most of my wardrobe is black) I was on the phone with mom this morning trying not to be bitchy when she was telling me about grandpa's night at the hospital... she had just woken up and was slurring her words to all get out and would say shit that didn't make sense... twice she mentioned him going to the veterinarean... I was like What the Fuck? As I am pleading with her to let me get off the phone so she can just call me back when she is coherent, I am leaning on my desk. After we hung up I noticed there was a post it stuck to my arm... not just any post it mind you, the very post it that I put my wad of Bazooka gum on... FUCKING MARVELOUS. I spent the next 20 minutes using ice to try and freeze the area so I could pick the gum off... which only succeeded in me getting little bits of gum every where else... so I slapped a piece of tape over the wad of gum and I will deal with it later.

Holly told me there is a product at Fred Meyers called 'goo be gone' that should take care of the offending mess... then we proceeded to have a conversation where I think she thought I was being pissy... I wasn't trying to, but she got off the phone rather quickly and I think now she's mad at me. Whatever. I don't have the freakin energy to deal with anything today.

Add onto it a conversation with my mother about me being a vegetarian... I won't eat the stuffing she is making because I don't eat meat, and she accused me of being obsessive. I don't think choosing not to eat stuffing that is COOKED INSIDE OF A DEAD ANIMAL (when I am a vegetarian) is being obsessive... And it's got bits of Turkey innard in it... don't get me wrong, I love stuffing. I do...especially my mom's ... but meat is meat is meat is meat and I can't do it. Do they even make vegetarian stuffing? I am going to pick up that goo be gone shit tonight and I will scour the shelves for some veggie friendly stovetop or something.

Something that makes me smile though... Lori hates christmas sweaters... I mean, really hates them. She gets angry when she sees people wearing them... as if there is nothing more vile in the world. I told her the other day "hey now, I had a christmas sweatshirt with snoopy on it when I was in high school." She just looked at me and I thought for a second and said "wow, that explains a lot doesn't it?" We both laughed. I saw a store when I was in the Alderwood Mall last week though that seemed to be all about the Christmas sweater... I think we'll start a new game. You'll get points for every sweater you spot and the more dangly shiny shit you see hanging off them, the more points you get. Walmart on friday should be in abundant supply of older ladies wearing their holiday best.

Well, I'm off to take a tranquilizer... don't laugh, I could use one right about now. My nerves are freakin shot today. And have I mentioned that my eyes are burning? Squinting is not cute... that brings up another awesome observation... I have a wrinkle in my forehead. I am serious. Not like the time I thought I saw the beginnings of crows feet on my left eye either... there is a fucking wrinkle in my forehead. I think it is because I have been squinting a lot lately; I need to get glasses, the ones I have are pretty much strictly for reading, and I think I need some everyday use ones... I need to go pick up some Oil of Olay. Crikey... I'm getting old. I can feel the pre-birthday depression setting in as we speak... and I've got till April to deal with it... though it may just be pms... at this point I can't be sure.


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