Monday, August 27, 2001

IT FLICKERS

Sometimes I feel like my life is like a tunnel. Some days I can make out the light waaaayyy down at the end, and it appears to get closer with every step I take. As it flickers and dances in the dark, it gets stronger and brighter as I get near. I am filled with hope and warmth at the sight. But there are also days, when the tunnel is cloaked in darkness, a darkness so thick and cold, I feel as though I am choking on it. It's lonely and miserable, and hard to keep going, as I feel aimless and unmotivated. I have to rely on the memory of that light to keep me moving, and I pray to see it again, constantly squinting, searching for that tiny flickering ray of light. And I pray that it'll get bigger with each passing minute.

I am having some personal problems right now; and it's really hindering my positive side (yes, yes, I do have one). I hate conflict; though I am good at it, and occasionally enjoy a heated debate... I don't like being at odds with anyone, or feeling tension in friendshipl. I avoid it. I hate it. I am experiencing it now. I am always the one to cave first when I'm in a fight with someone. It's just easier to get it done and over with and go back to normal. I wish I could hold out longer; but it's too much effort. I'd rather keep my convictions but concede a bit to keep the peace.

I hate it when tragedy strikes... I hate it especially when it's in your life. But it seems that when something terrible happens to a celebrity, it shakes you up a bit; because you don't feel as safe. If that can happen to someone famous, then surely it can happen to you. I am of course, referring to the airplane crash that took place on saturday, killing the musician Aaliyah. Horrible things like that shouldn't happen... it sucks.

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