Thursday, June 21, 2001

It's wierd how time changes you. I spent this morning at a funeral for a man who lived 89 years. He would have been 90 next week, and he left his legacy in his 6 children, 17 grandchildren, 14 great grandchildren, and 4 great-great grandchildren. Strolling through the grounds at Providence at Mt. St. Vincent (a nursing home where he lived, and where the memorial was held) I remembered the last time I was there. Mom, Lori, and Ashley and I had toured the facility back in september hoping to put dad there. It was the Hilton of nursing homes, and had a huge therapy department. It was the creme de la creme as far as we were concerned. Going back there today; I can't even imagine putting dad there. It's still as nice as ever, and the patients look genuinely happy and content, but... there's no way. I have a few friends who marvel at the fact that I am going to be 25 years old next year; and really don't have any plans to move out yet, and though I am anxious to move on with my life and get on with things; there's no way I can do that. They tell me all the time I can't live my life for someone else... but I put myself in my dad's shoes and my mom's too for that matter. I can't abandon them. Eventually it'll be time to take that step; but it hasn't been even a year since this stroke invaded our lives... I can't imagine what lies in my parent's future. I hope and pray every singe day and night for my dad to get more use out of his hand... and stronger legs; I pray that mom's health will stay in good condition... or God knows what could happen. Life is so precious, and I hate to use a phrase like that... it makes me sound like a wishy washy idiot... but ... well, a year ago; my biggest worry was school and money... today, my biggest worry is whether or not my dad's recovery will continue to progress and whether or not my mom can physically handle his care in the long run. I'm not going to keep on this topic, because this is the part of dad's stroke that rules my every day life; and makes the light dim. So I'll just say this... I believe in miracles... I believe in the power of prayer... and I'm going to continue to do so... keeping the faith that there is a light at the end of this tunnel... that this stroke didn't completely sever our ties with the lives we led before... somewhere our old lives are waiting ... for us to reclaim them... and that's what keeps us going.

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