Monday, April 23, 2001

Well, it would seem that I have re-entered the land of the living. I am finally feeling better... last weekend was a calm and peaceful one, though not without the ever present emotional rigors that have become a part of our life since Dad got sick. Something I've noticed since the stroke, is that Dad is concerned first and foremost with himself; and his needs... I read something about this in one of the stroke books I checked out at the library. People who go through major trauma and become dependent on others for their most basic needs, tend to (over time) become only concerned with their needs and wants. This is not to say Dad's lost all compassion or doesn't care for anyone else... but man sometimes he can be so freakin demanding!!!! The odd thing is... he doesn't get uptight if it's something like he's hungry or he has an itch... but if I leave a pair of socks on the floor or if there is a vcr tape on top of the vcr, it drives him nuts; he gets very agitated and angry if our attitude towards the "offending object" is somewhat non concerning. My attitude generally is (of course) "it's just a pair of socks, who cares... they're not hurting anything by lying there" But it drives dad up the wall. Sometimes it's one pair of socks that means the difference between a nice, peaceful evening and an all out war... I also wonder though, if dad wasn't sitting there in a wheelchair... would it make a difference in how I reacted to him telling me to do something? It's definitely a point to ponder.

I dreamt last night he got more movement in his right arm back... that he was scratching the top of his head and without much effort. I still have the occasional "walking dream" where dad is free from his wheelchair...

someday...

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