Monday, December 31, 2001

NEW YEAR'S SUCKS You know, I have never had a good New Year's. Not since I was a kid anyway; I usually just stay home; and when I do go out; it's always been a bust. I've given up, it's almost easier to accept that New Year's just sucks. Have you ever seen that movie 200 Cigarettes? It's one of my favorites, and it's about New Years Eve 1980, and how it takes 15-20 different people all over New York City; and they end up at this one party; and no-one leaves the party with who they came with. It's a great little flick; my favorite person in the movie is Martha Plimpton; only because her character is throwing the party; and is feeling immense pressure about having a good turnout. She is hilarious. The film also stars Paul Rudd, Courtney Love, Janeane Garofalo, Christina Ricci, Casey Affleck, Ben Affleck, Gaby Hoffman, Kate Hudson, Jay Mohr, and Dave Chappelle. It's really funny; and Elvis Costello even makes a cameo.

I am so hooked on that old song "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men. Every once in a while; I'll start listening to old cd's and sometimes I just get hooked... a few months ago it was "Be my Lover" by La Bouche.

I have to say, I was really productive this weekend. I cleaned Friday night, and spent most of Saturday running errands. Then on Sunday I completely cleaned out my storage unit. I probably threw away half of what was in there. A LOT of magazines... probably over 100 issues... don't know why I was saving them anyway. Some misc. stuffed animals, a lot of old cooking stuff that is so old and rusty now; it'll just get thrown out when I finally move into my own place anyway. I have a lower unit; so I hit my head twice; really hard, the second one prompting me to start screaming "MOTHERFUCKER!" over and over until the ringing in my ears stopped. Then as I was looking through a crate, I stepped wrong and my flip flop broke; leaving me with one shoe. It was a great day. I finally got everything packed back in there, I still have room for more stuff thank God; my rolly cart, and a few trunks from my room hopefully. I went outside to start throwing away my garbage ( I had two huge sacks full and about 12 boxes full of trash; not to mention the stacks of magazines and shit) There is always a lock on the garbage can... why, I don't know; because you have to have a code to get into the storage lot, and that's where the dumpster and recycle bin is. So I noticed the recycle bin wasn't locked and thought Screw it, I pay a lot of money for storage here, and they lock the trash can? Plus I was only wearing one sandal; I looked straight up welfare, and didn't want to go into the rental office and ask for a key like that. so I started chucking everything into the recycle bin. (I don't feel good about that; I know one piece garbage can ruin a dumpster full of recycling, but I figured if I fill it with trash, it'll be ruined; not by just one piece...) I was about 80% done when the owner comes out of his office running and waving his arms. (Seriously) telling me that was the recycling only. (I wondered 'why does he care?' then it occurred to me he probalby gets a fine or something if it's filled with garbage) so he jumps into the bin and starts pulling all of my shit out of there; I in turn, start filling the dumpster he unlocked for me. I filled it; in fact it was overflowing, and he starts making comments like it's a courtesy; not a dumping ground. I was like "dude, I've been a paying customer here for like 4 years. If I want to clean out my storage unit once every couple years and fill the freakin dumpster, I don't think that's a lot to ask."

When I got home I completely cleaned my room; and spent the rest of the evening watching movies and crocheting. It was a nice night. I got a lot more done yesterday than I had planned, so now, by the end of january: i want the rest of my stuff from my cedar chest and my closet packed up and put into storage, then I'm going to prime and sand my walls. I'd like to be ready to paint by February 1st. Maybe I'll post pictures from my room so you can see the progress I'm making... it will surely be a huge difference when I'm done. Right now, my room is sponge painted teal and has light lavender splatters all over the wall (those are what I need to sand) I have these standard apartment issue white vertical blinds that are just friggin ugly; and my closet doors are an atrocity. I will be painting my room a dark purple, and then my drapes and furniture will all be an antiqued looking Olive Green. I am going to get a new mirror for when I do my makeup and I am going to get a strip of beauty lights to go above it; like in movie star's dressing rooms. I am going to have a lot of shelves as well; I used to have my room plastered with photographs; I was big into painting my own frames. I packed all of those away; it was just getting old you know? I need to get an olive colored duvet now, and some new sheets. I am really excited about changing my room; I haven't had a big project in sooooo long. Lori is going to change her room too; she's painting it pink and purple. Well folks, that's all for today... Oh yeah, one more thing; I will take pictures of my autograph wall and put them on this site. I have a small wall I painted light blue and most of my friends have signed it at one time or another... maybe I'll do that this weekend.... I don't think I'm going to paint over that; I like it too much. Have a great new Year!!!

Friday, December 28, 2001

WORK,WORK,WORK

Well, tonight I am going to start packing shit up for storage. I can't take the mess anymore. I am going up to the storage unit tommorrow to start the cleanup process. I was talking to Lori last night and then to Maria and Holly; and I think now, I'll paint my room a dark purple; and have all of the accents green... we'll see. I hooked up my dvd player and cleaned up my room a little bit, made my bed, it was a productive night!

I think I'm going to go see the royal tenenbaums tonight, then either tommorrow or sunday I told dad I'd take him to see Ali. I wanted to take him to see ocean's eleven (again! He hasn't seen it; but I have, I love it) but he really wants to see Ali. I am apprehensive because I love the ads for that movie, and I doubt the movie will live up to them. We'll see though... anyhoo, you may have noticed Opie on the front page of this site in a prom dress... you want the details on that picture, email me, and I'll be glad to give them. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Thoughts

Is it just me, or have you noticed that Meg Ryan's upper lip is thicker? Seriously. I watch the Kate and Leopold ads and her upper lip is 2-3 times thicker than it was just a few weeks ago when I watched When Harry met Sally. It's not obscenely huge; it's just noticeable.

I had a nice Christmas, was pleasantly surprised by many of the gifts I got, and also had a great time giving out gifts and goodie baskets. Lori (my sister) got me some Hawaiian print seat covers for my car. Those are awesome, I just gotta find a bench cover; have yet to locate one. I just know when I do; it'll cost a freakin arm and a leg. Last night Lori and I went to the mall; to use our gift cards and return the stuff that didn't fit or wasn't us. I only had to return one thing, and with that and a gift card I bought my favorite perfume Lucky and a gift set including concentrate, lotion, powder and body spray. I love Lucky perfume. Totally my favorite. Then we indulged a bit; or actually more than a bit and bought some good makeup. We bought eyeshadow by Benefit; it's really sparkly, and m*a*c lipstick... I spent about 60 bucks on 3 tubes of lipstick and one eyeshadow. Is that sick or what? But every once in a while you gotta; and many of those eyeshadows are better than the cheap stuff.

I think I have decided what I want to do with my room. I took down almost all of the posters and crap on my walls; including all the painted picture frames I spent hours on. I am going to have a much more relaxed atmosphere in there. I have decided that 2002 is the year to simplify. I will clean up my credit, my storage unit, and my room; (not necessarily in that order) I am going to paint my walls an olive green color and then all of my furniture will be a royal purple; my dresser will be a mix of the two; I will get more shelves; and just really make it look nice. A lot of my stuff will be put into storage; I can't take the clutter anymore. As for my storage unit; I need to just start throwing shit away. There comes a point when I just gotta cut the cord on some of that stuff.

Sunday, December 23, 2001

TIS THE SEASON

Well, it's been a pretty good couple of days, I gotta say. I ended last week with a surprise party for a friend of mine, Happy 23rd birthday Holly!!! Then on Friday, our company had an office party that ended with everyone getting bonuses... I work for a great company now! Before we were all miserable; and there was no morale. Now, we are happy; and content; and best of all; appreciated! I was up until 3am cooking christmas cookies. I found a new frosting recipe that hardens; so when you pack them into boxes or whatever to give away; they don't smudge and smear. If you want the recipe; email me and I'll be glad to give it to you. Saturday I baked all day again, and then went over to Troy's house, where I got to sit and visit with Michael; who I adore, Jessica and Andrew were also there.

Andrew is so funny; I can't believe he's 4 already. (For anyone who doesn't know, he's my Godson.) He says "Jeckissa" for his mom's name, it's so cute. He loved playing with Percy and Chester; the dogs, but after awhile it became apparent that he's allergic to the dogs. His little eyes swelled up and his face was beet red. Poor guy.

Well, tommorrow we are baking (AGAIN) and will go over to Karen and Gary's for dinner. I will check back in on Wednesday; December 26th to update you on the happenings of Christmas and what's new with my big ol' crazy family. Till then, God Bless, and Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Hardy Har Har

It seems like my new favorite thing to do is quote movie commercials; only the really strange lines though; my sister and I go back and forth on them... yes we're dorks, but it's fun. My favorite this year was from the movie: 'the others' "You're mad, I am your daughter" (in a childlike voice laden with a heavy english accent) or in Domestic Disturbance with John Travolta when his pubescent son screams "DAD!" and his voice cracks like 10 times in that one word. Then there was Freddy Got Fingered "daddy would you like some sausage". Who can forget Don't Say a Word with Michael Douglas and Brittany Murphy "I'll never tell". Then of course the bring it on reference in Not Another Teen Movie " Then you better Brrring it" " Oh! It's already been broughten!" and now, Vanilla sky " There...is..no.. MURDER!" It's too easy; to laugh at and make fun of.

Just random thoughts today I guess, lol.

Monday, December 17, 2001

ASSHOLES AND MORE ASSHOLES

Well; my philosophy on not trusting doctors is proving to be true. My dad had to get a new doctor; because the office where his old one of many years practiced was shutting down. So, his neurologist prescribed him all of his regular meds until they could find a new doc. Dad has been taking 120 milligrams of Phenobarbital a day for over 36 years. Four small 30 milligram pills ever day. It's never changed. Well; for the last month to two months, dad has been super lethargic, and has been acting wierd... just really slow; and has been slowly losing the capabilities he regained after his stroke. We were very worried about him; and we were almost wondering if he was getting ready to have another stroke. Dad was getting frustrated because we were constantly commenting on it; and making him feel bad (that was not our intent though). Come to find out; the Neurologist prescribed my dad's Pheno at 60 milligram pills and didn't tell my mom. The awesome brainiacs at Walgreene's failed to mention anything to her either; we've been getting his pills there forever. so for the past month-or two dad's been getting a double dose of phenobarbital. Which is a barbituat (sp?) which is like a sedative ultimately. Mom could've killed him. The doctor of course offers no apologies and the incredible mind wonders at Walgreenes give you their trademark blank stare... dad's going in for an m.r.i tommorrow to see if there is any long term damage. Transferring him from his wheelchair to bed is like lifting 180lb sack of potatoes. Say a prayer if you will that there's nothing to worry about.

It just amazes me at the level of selfishness some people live their lives on. It's a sad, sad fact; and what's sadder is when it spills onto other people; and they too become selfish. I tell you this much; my friendships whether they've ended or are still continuing are lessons... even though some are only lessons on how not to raise a son or daughter. My bad for investing waaaaaay too much time in assholes.

Friday, December 14, 2001

Random Thoughts

There are some movies coming out that I really want to see. Vanilla Sky and Not Another Teen Movie open tonight; I would totally be at one of them, but Lori and I are going up to granite falls this weekend to babysit our cousins. It'll be a relaxing getaway though; that's for sure. I also can't wait to see Ali and the Royal Tenenbaums.

I bought Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics cd from the South Park kids. It's awesome, my favorite track right now is Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel. Some of the songs are a little offensive; but it's funny as hell.

I have been going nuts on ebay lately. I've bought 3 books, 5 movies, and a cd single on there; and have only spent 50 bucks. That's awesome.

I was in the car today and remembered one of my best times this year. I had a dinner party in March when my parents and sister were out of town; I had about 11 people there, and it remains one of my best memories ever. We had spaghetti, and played games. It was great because some of the people I hadn't seen in a long time, and for sure other's hadn't seen each other since high school. It was a great way to catch up and reminisce. I smiled just thinking about it.

Well, that's all for me, gotta run and check the traffic, hope all is well with you all; have a great weekend. Only 11 more days till Christmas!

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO

I am so pissed right now. Apparently I am a 'witch'. That dick that I work with is officially mad at me. I called corporate this morning because he was doing an install of a radio into an ambulance, and he was in our garage at work doing it; with the doors of the garage and vehicle closed, and he was smoking. That's the 3rd time I've personally seen him smoking out there; and they said something to him. He ends up blowing up at me, telling me I better watch my back, because anything I do; he's going to report to corporate, yadda yadda yadda, then when I told him I didn't tell him first because the last time I spoke to him about anything, he accused me of laughing at him and being rude. He started yelling at me that I did. I said "no, I didn't" and he put his hand up and kept saying "whatever witch. " I was SO MAD!

Monday, December 10, 2001

Pedal to the Metal

Well I had a bit of a scare on Friday. After driving out to pick up my friend Holly w/ my sister Lori, we were headed to the southcenter area to go shopping, get a bite to eat and go see Ocean's 11. Well, we were getting ready to make a left onto military to head down Southcenter hill... if you have ever seen this hill; you know it is freaking steep. It's huge; whenever it's slightly icy, they close it down. I am uncomfortable driving up it when it rains; just not a nice hill. Anyway, right as I'm stopping to wait for the light, my brakes all of a sudden go out. My foot slips all the way down to the floor; and we are rolling. Panic ensues. I started freaking out; and immediately pulled the ebrake. (almost sounds like an internet company huh? Ebrake.) anyway, I digress. After calling home, and putting fluid in the master cylinder, I still had barely any brake power. So, I parked the car at Holly's and we took her car. Didn't let it mess with our plans, though we weren't able to go shopping, we just went and got dinner at Azteca and then saw the movie. (Which I LOVED!) At the end of the evening, I decided to take the car home; I didn't want to leave it there; and it was late. A drive that normally takes me 10 minutes took 40; I don't think we went over 20 mph more than once or twice.

Luckily, I have great family members, and my cousin Danny was able to fix it for me on Saturday. Of course, not until after I waste time by being a complete and total idiot. We went up to Schucks looking for a Left rear brake hose for an 81 or 85 honda civic hatchback. I couldn't remember if it was an 81 or 85. Noone would answer the phone at home, so we turned back and decided to call around; it seemed that noone had the part. We got back and looked on the door panel and saw that it was manufactured in September of 1981; so we continue to call around for a 1981 honda civic hatchback. Then my dad comes into the living room; and overhears me say 1981 and he's like "it's a 1982." I said "no, the door said 1981", dad said it was manufactured then; but released as an 82. I felt so dumb; then about 10 minutes later; he had to correct me again; because I drive an accord not a civic. I felt so damn stupid. I don't know why I ALWAYS think it's a freakin civic; but I had wasted a good hour of our time by then. I felt bad for Danny, but he was a good sport. Finally Napa autoparts had the part, and they are now my favorite auto store.

I am leaving here (work) today at 1pm, we are going to a local television show; Northwest Afternoon. My mom and aunt are hoping to talk to the psychic that will be on there. He specializes in speaking to the dead. Wish us luck!

Friday, December 07, 2001

HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY...

I am soooo glad that today is the weekend! You have no idea! I am finally feeling better today; so much better that I even put on makeup and did my hair. (wow, I know) I think I was scaring the guys at work with my 'au naturel' approach. I just didn't give a shit. Anyway, I was driving to work this morning, listening to Howard Stern, and he was bitching about the quality of the recording he was playing, it was an audio clip of Jim Carrey on Oprah; needless to say they were making fun of it. But at one point he says "what, is it NOT 2001?" and I started smiling, totally thinking of a time when I embarrassed my friend choni at the movies. We used to go see a movie every Monday night; it was our ritual; our "escape from southtown" (the daycare we worked at). Well, we were usually a little late; in fact I have never seen the beginning to a great many films, we were either obscenely early or totally late. Anyway, that day we would have been early had the atm machines at the theater been working properly. I of course, never carry cash; I am a check person. I don't like using my visa; but I do on occasion and this time was one of them. Well the attendant told me that their debit lines were down, so they were only able to accept cash. I asked if I could go ahead and use the atm machine inside and the guy said it was down too. Then I asked if they accepted debit at the snack counter and he said no. I was frustrated, and semi pissed, so I look at Toni and go" I'm sorry, my bad, I THOUGHT this was the year 2000, clearly I was mistaken. Jesus, we were supposed to be riding in flying cars at this friggin point, and we can't even use our atm cards to buy a damn ticket. Marvelous!" This sends Choni into barrells of laughter, and we ended up going a few blocks away to Drug Emporium to use their debit machine. So now, that has become my favorite line to use on people when something simple can't happen; particularly if it's a technical problem... "I'm sorry, I thought this was the year 2001, the 'space age'."

Anyway, well; I work with a psycho. I hope he doesn't know I have this website; otherwise this could get tricky. He's usually really happy go lucky; and really nice. Not to mention super f@!#ing annoying. I usually give him the cold shoulder just so he'll leave my area and shut up, and it's never been an issue. He thinks I'm a bitch, and then goes away. I'm ok with that. Well then out of nowhere about 2 weeks ago he accuses me of laughing at him and 'finding him amusing'. As if I was making fun of him, and he's really pissed off and militant about it. I was like whatever, and I've been ignoring him. We were the only two people in the office when it happened, if anyone else had been here; I might have told him to shove it; and quit talking to me that way, but like I said, he seems a little unhinged, and I make it a policy not to provoke anyone who's one cheeseburger short of a happy meal. Well he was pissy for about 3 days, and now he's back to his old self; all happy and smiley and acting like nothings wrong. I'm still pissed off about it, so I don't acknowledge his presence unless necessary; and today he got pissy with me when I told him something. He only gets this way when everyone else is out of the office... I looked his name up on google to make sure he doesn't have any bad stuff on him, you'd be surprised what you can find when you look people up on there. I put my own name in and came up with my site, plus my ancestry and an old mssg. board entry from a few years ago. But he seems clean...

I am going to see Ocean's 11 tonight. Can't wait. I don't usually like movies like this one is supposed to be, but something's drawing me to it. Have you seen the ALI previews? Whoever put those together did a great job. They are so upbeat and energetic; that music just makes you want to go see it. I am also anticipating Vanilla Sky and Not Another Teen Movie. "Well you better BRRRRRring it" "Oh it's already be BRRRRroughten" I love that! I wasn't going to see Vanilla sky, because I cannot stand Penelope Cruz. She drives me up the wall; listening to her talk makes me want to choke something. And I think Tom Cruise is a Dick. But it does look like a good film, and Cameron Crowe doesn't usually disappoint.

I am so not in the christmas spirit this year. If it was up to me we wouldn't even get a tree. It seems like a big ol' pain in the ass this year. My heart is just not in it.

Monday, December 03, 2001

LONG DAY

Man, well I went to the doctor today. Apparently I only catch viruses. But this doctor wasn't sure so she gave me zithromax... which I had to drop 51 bones on, because they "can't bill cobra". Since our company was bought out, Cobra has taken over our insurance stuff. I had to pay for the medicine full on, then submit my receipt to Cobra to be paid back. What a pain in the ass. My doctor thinks I may have a light case of mono. (is that how it's spelt? Mononeucleosis...) My glands and throat are swollen, and sore; I feel like SHIT! I am sooo tired, but hopefully this medicine will help. Incidentally, since I've been sick I haven't been wearing makeup or doing my hair. I also haven't been pushing my nose screw back into place; you see, a nose screw is a really long earring stud. they bend it so it doesn't come out easily, and generally stays in place. Unfortunately, after the swelling went down, I needed to go back and have the bent part tightened up. I haven't had time to do it lately, and so if I don't push the end way back and hook it as far back as possible, it has a tendency to hang out of my nostril. Looking like a big ol' gold booger. This can be embarassing, and I don't hook it when I'm sick because it hurts to blow my nose. (sorry if this is grossing you out) Anyway, after the doctor looked me over, and took some throat cultures, and left the room, I happened to get a glimpse of myself in the paper towel dispenser. I had forgotten to hook it, and there it was, in all it's glory, hanging out of my nose. I wanted to die. How embarassing, I felt like an ass. Anyway...

You know what's wierd? Lately I have been coming to the realization that I am living my life on some level of denial. Lately I find myself forgetting that my dad has not always been in a wheelchair... that my grandma has passed away... I live it, but I don't think about it... oh yeah, my dad had a stroke. A STROKE. His stroke is what runs my life... it's not his fault, but it's the reason and cause for a lot of different things. I get so numb to that fact that I forget about it, I forget he was independent for 48 years. I forget he once worked for a living, that he used to feed ME. I see my grandma's picture, and sometimes it's a blow, to remember that she's not here anymore. I grieve silently for her; because I've learned that crying gets you nowhere with a headache, and fast. It sucks.

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

FREAK, FREAK, FREAK

What is it with me? I am a freak magnet. Our mail lady at work is a total freak. She's creepy. She reads our mail and describes it to me when she delivers, and when I return something to sender I get the third degree. She reminds me of a female Newman. Only freakier... you'd have to witness her behavior to fully understand.

I was approached by a neighbor this morning, who told me that if the guy who hit my sister (car accident) didn't have insurance, and wouldn't pay for damages, that he would be willing to lie to be a witness in the accident, and that all it would take is one phone call to some friends of his to ensure that he would hand over the money. 100% satisfaction guaranteed. I told him Lori had a lawyer, but he said he knew how people like that worked, and if he didn't cough up the money, he'd get a knock at his door and that would be all she wrote. I told him I'd tell Lori and quickly got the hell out of there... my God.

I feel like dog shit. My throat hurts, I am exhausted, and I am in a filthy mood. I yelled at the pharmacist at the drive thru, and then went inside and yelled at the pharmacy manager. I have little tolerance for bull today. I just want to go to bed.

Sunday, November 25, 2001

WHAT A WEEKEND

Man, well I am now coming down with the sickness that has invaded our house. I went out and bought some of that zicam stuff; it's supposed to "stop colds in their tracks" (I think that's the tagline) I'll let you know in a couple of days if it really works.

The day after Thanksgiving, my sister was rear ended while waiting to take a left into our apartment's parking lot. The guy who hit her; said he never saw her; though she'd been sitting there with her blinker on for a good 15-20 seconds. He hit her going probably 35-45 miles an hour. Her mustang is totalled; she had to climb out of the car, because when she was sitting there; after the accident she heard sizzling. The backseat was totally busted, and if anyone had been sitting there; it's entirely likely that they would have been fatally injured. Lori had to ride in an ambulance but thankfully is ok; besides some bumps, bruises and soreness. She was very lucky.

Well, I am glad to say I am 90% done with my Christmas shopping. What a relief. I am also planning to take on some projects here; I am planning an overhaul on the bathroom, and eventually my bedroom (which will probably be a complete nightmare... can you say packrat?)

and now a little venting...

Without addressing who or what, can I just say I am sick and frigging tired of being lied to? I am so tired of it!! You know, I consider myself a nice person, a good friend, and decent and loyal to boot. And it's people I fucking trust who lie to me. I am way too trusting, and it's only in the last few months that I've been finding this stuff out.... obviously I'm a completely poor judge of character... and it makes me sick to think I can't trust my friends. WHATEVER.

Friday, November 23, 2001

Sick, Sick, Sick

Man, everyone here is Sick... with the exception of Myself and our new kitten Asa. My mom, dad, and Lori seem to be at the end of their colds; but post nasal drip is wreaking major havoc. I woke up at midnight last night, to Lori's coughing. I got her some water and she took some medicine and finally quit coughing. About an hour later, I could hear my mom hacking up a lung on her way to the living room; then about an hour after that I woke up to dad coughing.... only when dad coughs it sounds like he's trying to break a rib. And it goes on, and on, and on. He must've coughed for 45 minutes. Finally the cough syrup took effect and we all fell back to sleep. Then around 5am, I woke up to dad's coughing again, this time it went on at least an hour, and was almost non-stop. This is of course after, I was up the night before a few times, with Ben (our older cat), who has not been feeling well; he was vomiting. You know life is good when you are cleaning up cat puke at 3am, followed by gloving up and force feeding the poor animal hairball treatment. Aaahh, piece of cake.

Well, turkey day almost didn't happen for us... we were set to go up to Granite Falls and planned to get up early to get ready, but everyone else had been up all night coughing. Mom and dad finally decided they didn't want to deal with the coughing and stuff up there; but if Lori and I stayed at home, there would be no thanksgiving. So we himmed and hahhed a little bit and decided we would just go up. We didn't want to spend the day chillin at home. It was nice, we played with out cousins all day, and giggled during the dinner prayer. Sang old eighties rock on the way home, and basically, just had a nice day.

I woke up early today and went to the Fred Meyer five hour sale. I am about three quarters of the way done on my shopping ... not too shabby.

Monday, November 19, 2001

Krispy Kreme's Anyone?

What a weekend. Friday night, Holly, Jessica and I reinstated the old "friday at Sizzler's night out". We had a great time, just like the good ol' days, eating junk from the buffet, and gossiping. We went from there to Best Buy, and proceeded to run into Troy and Michael who were stocking up on cd's, and Matt and Kelly who were just going there to look around. Small world... I ALWAYS run into people I know at these places: Best Buy, Albertsons, Fred Meyers, and Huckleberry Square. Then, on Saturday; Lori and I picked up our cousins Cassie and Cori (the coolest 6th graders around) and went to lunch at Huckleberry Square, (where I ran into a friend of a friend; who I actually went to school with in the 7th grade and met again last weekend.) Then we went shopping at Fred Meyers for craft stuff and egg nog, where we passed my aunt carrie in the parking lot. (I'm telling you) We spent hours painting ornaments and picture frames, and then had a really nice visit with my cousin Dawn (c&c's mom) I then went over to Holly and Jessica's house to have drinks (coke and 151) and play the game Loaded questions. We had a blast, and Holly won, RECOUNT! We had decided to get up early to go get krispy kreme's, and when I called at 1:00am, we found out that the drive through was open 24 hours. Now for anyone reading this who isn't in washington state, we got our first krispy kreme shop in Issaquah here about a month ago. I must say, they are the best I've ever had. Well, we decided to go out there and go through the line then instead of waiting till morning when the lobby would open at 5:30am. We arrived at 1:50am, and were amazed at the amount of cars there... there were 6-7 lanes of cars waiting to go through the drive through. We decided what the hell and got in line. An hour later Jessica and I decided to walk to the gas station; as we weren't moving and wouldn't be for some time. We walked about a half mile there; it was so cold my lungs were burning. When we returned, we realized the meteor shower was that night and joined everyone around us oohing and aahing at all the shooting stars. (yes I made a wish, no I won't tell). We spent the next hour and a half playing the celebrity name game. It's where you pick a name... tom cruise, then the next person has to think of a tom or a cruise, I said tom brokaw. Then the next person thinks of a tom or a brokaw and so on. We were stuck on Kelly ripa-consuelos FOREVER and on Heather Graham for an eternity. I finally came up with Alexander Graham bell. we were giving each other answers just to get the game going, it was fun though. We finally reached the drive up window at 4:15 am. We were so excited ... I think more to just go home, than to actually have a donut. I got home around 5:30 am and fell into a deep deep sleep until 11:45am.

I babysat for kylie at 12:30, she is growing up so fast, already 9 mos old, and is now more pretty than cute. I kept telling Kelly (her mom) "She's such a little person now! and so pretty!" We had a good time, we went shopping at petsmart and the Guitar Center (where she made the cutest cooing sounds and smiled nonstop) I cleaned my room, and plugged every possible passage way under my bed; I will do anything to ensure a complete nights sleep! Asa as a result was not able to get under there and instead played in his litterbox at 2:30 am.... how do you get a cat to sleep? I didn't let him nap all day (which believe me is a feat in itself) and I played with him for like 4 hours straight. (I was exhausted!) I don't know what I'm going to do.... especially when I can't kick him out during christmas. I don't even want to think about it.

Did you watch the facts of life reunion last night.. good God... when did they start letting 10 year olds write movie scripts? When Mrs. G said "she's prettier than her jpeg file" after using her palm pilot and discussing email, I wanted to yell "We get it! You are updated!!!" When Blair said "you can't run in manolo blahniks" after bragging about her french chef she stole from a hotel in paris, and giving orders to Mrs. G's son to fix a leak I wanted to hit something... take every stereotypical thing about each character back in the 80's magnify it by 1,000 and let some throwbacks to 1984 write the script and you had last night's movie. Oh and by the way... Natalie's boy pageant... give me a friggin break... I grew up with these people! Why couldn't they at least try and do it justice???

Thursday, November 15, 2001

Motherhood...

I'm telling you, I could handle motherhood. I adopted an 8 week old kitten on Saturday, Nov. 3rd. His name is Asa (ay-suh) Jermaine Polenske (Asa because I love the name, and Jermaine because I think it's funny)anyhoo, we went through a bit of a transition with big brother Ben, his nose was a mite twisted, and actually last night was the first time in the 10 days we've had Asa that Ben sat with me and purred. That first day he wouldn't come out of his litterbox for hours, then the hissing and growling would commence and go on for days. I am happy to report that my boys are now sleeping on the same chair without bloodshed, and they love playing together--though Ben does NOT like it when any part of Asa is touching him. In fact, when Asa is out of Ben's sight he meows and moans at the top of his lungs.
I do have to watch them though; I caught Ben biting Asa on the back and stomach the other night while they were playing; Asa was not happy, he was hissing and crying. But then yesterday, Ben was sleeping on the couch in Asa's spot, and Asa jumped up and bit Ben, in turn Ben jumped down and Asa curled up and went to sleep. They are shits. They are running me ragged, though I am loving it.

Their favorite game is 2:00 a.m. chase and wrestle, as well as 4:00 a.m grab ass. They were getting better; but last night, at MIDNIGHT they decided it was time to wake the dead. finally around 1am I 86ed Ben from the room; and Asa continued to get into everything in my room. Around 4 am, I could hear Ben moaning in the hallway as loud as he possibly could. I got up quickly, as I didn't want to disturb anyone, completely pissed and opened my door. He was laying in the hallway and looked surprised to see me, without thinking I whispered loudly "Ben! What the hell are you doing?! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He just looked at me, and I realized how ridiculous I was being. I shut the door shaking my head, and climbed back into bed, hoping to fall back asleep. But of course a half hour later I was roused from sleep by the sound of Ben pawing the door and meowing; a key sign he needs the litterbox. I got up and let him in, and listend to him and Asa play for 15 minutes before he got the boot again. by this time it was nearing 5; I finally fell asleep and was awakened by the cruel reality of my alarm clock at 6 am.
I could so handle an infant... not that I'm wanting to right now, but I could.

Wednesday, October 31, 2001

CRACKING UP

I am dying here; David Spade is on Howard Stern this morning, (for anyone who doesn't know me that well; David Spade is my all time favorite comedian) and they were talking about std's, David Spade said he had crabs in high school (said he got it from a payphone), then he said that having crabs was the closest he'd ever come to having an entourage. I was cracking up.

I went shopping for christmas stuff last night; stocking stuffers mostly; got almost all of holly's done, some stuff for mom's and one thing for dads. Was kinda happy to get that done. Am still contemplating what i'm buying everyone.

I am totally hooked on this game on yahoo! actually it's in yahooligans, it's called word racer. The other day I must've sat online and played it for about 4 hours continually. It's kind of like boggle; and usually I kick ass at it; but these people are pros... It's about speed too; sometimes it takes a while to see the words,and ... why am I rambling on about this?? Well, maybe I'll check in later; gotta jam, gonna do some more research; adios!

Monday, October 29, 2001

BLADDY BLADDY BLADDY

I apologize to the 2-3 of you who actually read this page :-) I have been doing a piss poor job of updating it and keeping things current. Ever since Grandma died, I just haven't felt like it. You may also notice that her memorial still has a link on this site, but does not open directly there when you type in allisonruth.com, I felt it was time to retire it. The link will continue to stay up; as long as this website is up; it will be too. Her birthday is this coming Saturday. She would have been 79, it's still hard to believe she's gone. My mom ordered some 8x10's of grandpa and grandma. They had portraits taken a month or so before she passed away. The photo sits on my entertainment center, and sometimes I light a candle next to it. I love that picture, because the look on grandma's face is totally her... that's the smile I remember, she looks relaxed. Holidays are going to be hard this year.

New york... well, I'm intent on going to NYC in 2003. I am trying to start mapping out where I want to go; and what I want to do there. I am saving saving saving like mad for that trip. I wish I could spend a summer over there; would love to go down to dc as well; but I don't think I'll have time. I am planning on a two week trip. That should allot enough time to see the city I think. I'm hoping my mom will come with me, hopefully dad will be better enough to take care of himself with help by then.

November 10th... yes, I am psyched. I am praying that it's a hit, and that we will have a good ol' time. no pressure!

BOSTON PUBLIC IS ON TONIGHT!!! I am a total tv fanatic, and my favorite show is back on tonight! woo hoo! Then next tuesday, the 6th, nypd blue comes back. Dad and I will be in heaven.

well, hope you are well; I gotta jam, but I'll be checkin back in.

Thursday, October 25, 2001

ENOUGH!

Man, I am so sick of this new wave of dating-reality tv. In particular, the shows I hate the most are where it's more than two people together; ie: elimidate, dismissed, the fifth wheel... not to mention the other seedy ones... temptation island, love cruise... I hate those shows!!!!!!!! I do like blind date though. I do, that show cracks me up.

Monday, October 22, 2001

PLANS

I have been knee deep in the planning of the benefit on Nov. 10th. I am really excited about it and can't wait... I'm just praying for a decent turnout.

All of this anthrax stuff scares the hell out of me... seriously, especially the inhaled kind. I know I am not very much at risk; but still, it's so frightening.

Well, grandma will have been gone one month tommorrow... time flies I guess. It's still not real.

Sunday, October 14, 2001

BLOWS

Well, it's Sunday afternoon, I have spent my day doing laundry and feeling shitty; I went out last night, and I think I feel worse from all of the second hand smoke I inhaled; rather than the few cocktails I had. I cleaned my room as well; am feeling better about that. I was watching bravo today; channel 66 here; they had their 100th guest celebration for inside the actors studio; and then they paid tribute to Jack Lemmon, which reminded my that my Grandma is dead, and I have been fighting back tears since. I'm a big fan of denial; I've been vacationing there for what seems like a few weeks now. I miss grandma. so much.

You ever get to the point where crying seems futile? I am having a bad day anyway; I just want to go to sleep. And perhaps wake up as someone else.. that'd be nice.

If you are reading this; I apologize for the dark undertones, but I hope I'll see you on November 10th!

Friday, October 05, 2001

SLAPPED

What I'm learning about grief is that not only does it suck; but it sucker punches you as well. I've been having good days in the last week; meaning, I haven't really been crying, I've been able to keep Grandma's death at arm's length, and I've been able to pretend that life is normal. Then this morning, I read an email someone wrote about my grandma, and I burst into tears; without warning. The rest of the day has gone down hill, I just can't believe she's gone... it hurts; it physically fucking hurts.

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

LIFE SUCKS

Sunday, September 23rd, was the last day of my Grandma's life. She'd been in the hospital 24 days, with a nasty bout of pancreatitis and eventually chemical peritonitis. Both of those led to other nasty complications.... it was horrible, and hard to watch. I pray for the memory to be wiped from my memory, but I have had no luck thus far. The entire time Grandma was in the hospital, we would go out and visit almost every day; there were only one or two times we were unable to make it out to Auburn to visit. She drifted in and out of consciousness during her hospital stay. The last conversation I had with Grandma took place on September 9th. I won't tell the grisly details of her illness... but I have to be thankful she isn't suffering anymore. At least that's what I try to tell myself. I know she's in a better place, and that's comforting to a point, but I still miss her; more than I thought possible. I want her to call, and I want to see her come walking down the hallway at her house... I want to see Grandpa smile, without the sadness in his eyes.

On Saturday, the 22nd of September, we were told that with life support, Grandma had a 1% chance of recovery. Mom and Aunt Dana and Grandpa elected to take Grandma off of life support, and she would be given versed and morphine to help her rest comfortably, and pass quietly. We were all at the Hospital, Mom, dad, Lori and I, as well as Grandpa, Aunt Dana, Lyle, the girls, and Geary. When we went back into the room after they took all of the tubes out of Grandma's nose and mouth, it was so hard, we were all crying and trying to remain calm. She was awake, but didn't focus on anything or acknowledge our presence. That evening, we all elected to stay the night at the hospital. The nurses had predicted that Grandma would pass quickly, but she continued to fight, and no-one felt comfortable leaving at that point.

The stress and emotion of the day had manifested itself into fits of giggles among my sister and I; which quickly transferred to our cousin Geary, and our friend Ashley who was there for support. We spend several hours trading stories and giggling in the hospital hallway. Around 1am we went shopping for tooth brushes and donuts, driving around downtown auburn (which is a rather small area) for over an hour, finally claiming our prize at the all night donut shop. (It had been closed the first time we passed it, but opened between 1:30 am and 2, when we were on our way back to the hospital.) We then camped out on the first floor waiting room, playing cards, drinking warm pepsi and laughing till our heads hurt. We managed to sleep for an hour or two and then all trudged groggily upstairs around 6am Sunday. Lori and I went home to shower and clean up; I was sick all day long, probably from nerves. We took mom home around lunch time, and didn't plan to go back until Monday evening. The doctor said it could be a few days; he didn't realize how well Grandma would do off of life support.

Mom decided to go back to the hospital that afternoon, and Lori and I were summoned around 8pm. Grandma had taken a turn for the worse, we arrived around 8:30, Geary arrived about 45 minutes later. Grandma and Grandpa's minister came and prayed with us around Grandma's bed. We cried, and then told stories, cried some more, laughed at jokes... finally grandpa couldn't take it any more, he hadn't slept in two days, he went upstairs to the hospitality room to take a nap. We continued talking and trying to ignore the reason we were there, when mom said; "oh my God." Grandma's heartrate slipped to 30, then flatlined. Lori ran out of the room to get grandpa. Grandma's heart rate went up again, and flatlined again, and did this 2 or 3 more times. Then she was gone. Mom thinks she waited for Grandpa to leave the room. He arrived about 2 minutes after she was gone. We eventually made our way back to grandma's house, (lori, geary and I) and just sat in the living room, silent. What could we say? None of us wanted to be there without Grandma ... we stayed the night, and when Grandpa and mom and Aunt Dana returned, we discussed the plans for the next day, and had a drink. No-one knew what to say, Grandpa held his drink up and said "Well, here's to Evelyn." We were all numb... in shock... that's how the next few days would go as well. The day of her memorial service, I was doing remarkably well. I hadn't cried all day, and was feeling confident. When I walked up to the podium to speak at the service, I was ok; then as I looked at the congregation, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I blubbered my way through the small speech I had prepared, and that night sat in our living room looking at the flowers, and cried for what seemed like eternity.

We've been going out to Grandma and Grandpa's house every day since she passed, and it's so hard. We went through her stuff, taking memento's and packing stuff up for the goodwill... trying to make life easier for Grandpa. We make small talk and try to keep things light, keeping the real reason we are there at arm's length... until one of us acknowledges it, and sends the room into tears. The truth is, I'm ok as long as I don't acknowledge that she's gone. I look at her pictures, and it's ok... but the moment I think of how I'll never hear her voice again, or how she won't be at my wedding, or how she'll never see my children, it hits like a hard slap. I miss her so much, it hurts; my heart is heavy... and I can't shake this sadness. I hate it.

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

GEEZ...

I am still connected to my television... I have this amazing need to know what's going on, and am shocked at some of the images I am seeing. This morning it looked like the streets of Sarajevo... a body amidst the rubble... a hum-v with weapons on the roof sitting near the rubble... this is real life? This is New York? Sitting here thousands of miles away I feel hopeless and disconnected, and am still in complete and utter disbelief. My heart breaks for everyone who has gone through this and/or has lost someone in this mess. And, those people who managed to call their loved ones before their planes crashed... my God, can you imagine how it felt to be on either side of that call? I just can't believe all of this ... I keep hoping it's a bad dream... but even nightmares only last so long.

I keep hearing people say "you'll never forget where you were when you heard about the attack on September 11, 2001. Just like many people will never forget where they were when JFK was shot, or when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon." Well, I wasn't around for those events, but I've compiled a list of things I remember clearly; and where I was when they occurred... some are not as significant in the realm of what happened yesterday, but they are moments that affected me in some way.

January 28, 1986 The Challenger Explodes.
I was in the 3rd grade, and had just walked into Mrs. Chinn's class, she immediately turned on the tv and told us to "hush-up". I remember that she was so sad, because she had been talking for a while before the event about how Christa Mcauliffe was a teacher, and a civilian and was the first of either to be permitted on a space shuttle mission. I had seen her picture in my mom's People magazines... but had a hard time understanding what had actually happened until I was older.

October 3, 1995 The OJ verdict (part 1)
I was at work; at Southtown Preschool. It was mid-day as I recall, and it was cold. I had about 40 kids out on the playground by myself; as most of the other staff was gathered around the television set inside the building. I had a transister radio up to my ear and paced around the kids, silently praying for a guilty verdict. When they declared him not-guilty, my heart sank... I was completely and utterly disappointed.

December 18, 1997 Chris Farley is found Dead
I was at work, at Athletic Supply. I was listening to the radio, and heard the dj announce it... I was dumbfounded, absolutely couldn't believe it.

February 4, 1997 The OJ Simpson verdict (Part deux)
I will never forget the elation and joy I felt when I watched the reporter hold up to the window the verdicts in the civil trial. I had read "His Name was Ron" by the Goldman Family (An excellent book by the way) and was overcome with dismay at how OJ had managed to get out of a guilty verdict in the criminal trial. (They outline all of the evidence in the book) I actually cried when I saw Fred Goldman make a statement after the verdict.

November 20, 1995 Sergei Grinkov dies.
I was completely head over heels in love with figure skating around this time. I could name just about every known ice skater, and tell you if they were amateur or professional, what awards they had won, where they were from, what their specialty was... completely into it. I also was in love with my favorite couple; Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov, and when I came home from work one night, and my mom told me Sergei had passed away from a heart attack (at age 28), I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

October 18,1995 Mariners earn the Pennant!
I was babysitting, Ed and Andrea (older sis and husband of a friend) decided they wanted to be in Pioneer Square if we won, and so I was at their house, glued to my television set...and when they won, I was screaming and celebrating; and could hear everyone else in their apartment building celebrating as well.

August 30, 1997 Princess Diana Dies
I was getting ready to go on an impromptu camping trip; with Tatum, Julian and Peter... I saw a news flash that she had been in an accident, and immediately began praying for her recovery. We spent one night in the woods, and decided to come home the next day; I had said several prayers for her all night... and when we pulled into the gas station and I saw the headline: PRINCESS DI DEAD I felt like an aunt had died. Because my mom was a 'royal watcher' and because she bought tabloid magazines all the time, I almost felt like I knew Princess Diana... I stayed up all night to watch her funeral, and cried my eyes out... I even sent a card to William and Harry.

April 20, 1999 Columbine Tragedy
This is another story that made me cry; the footage was so horrible and magnetic... you couldn't help but watch.

Well, that's about all I have for now; let's keep praying they find more survivors over there in New York. Be careful, and Be safe.

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

TRAGEDY

I am watching nbc right now; and am in total disbelief... and because there are tons of other people offering their take on this situation, I will refrain from taking your time to voice my opinion. It's just really scary... feels like a movie plot...

Also I may be a little lazy on the site this week; my grandma is very very sick; in fact, they told us on sunday that she has less than a 50/50 chance to get better; and that she probably had only a few days left... I am going to be at work only when she is stable and progressing... so, please... say some prayers.

Hope the world looks a little bit brighter the next time I check in ... be safe.

Wednesday, September 05, 2001

LORI'S PROJECT

Incidentally, the pic on the front page of the site, is of my sister Lori (most of you know that) and her "labor day weekend project", she's been into that show trading spaces and decided to paint her room. So she painted it in multicolored blue squares, it actually didn't turn out too bad, when she puts the finishing touches on it; I'll post more pics.

I spent all last night at Auburn General Hospital; my grandma is not doing as well as we had hoped, but we are confident she'll pull through; she just needs a lot of prayers. I didn't get home until 3:30 this morning, needless to say; I was a little late to work. I am soooo tired.

Tuesday, September 04, 2001

DAMN!

Man, I had this all written out; and somehow; as blogger has done it before, it lost my entry!!! Ok, well I guess I'll start over, this weekend was a long one (obviously) but i had an extra day; my grandma was admitted to the hospital last wednesday, and on thursday night; she had emergency surgery... I was at the hospital until 230 in the morning. There was no way I was going to make it into work the next day. Turns out she had a mean case of pancreatitis, (did you know that the pancreas can actually digest itself?) She is doing better now, but still has a way to go before she's out of the woods... prayers and good thoughts are much appreciated.

Saturday morning, I made an appearance at a graduation party in honor of my friend Kelly; she is now a certified M.A. (medical assistant) Way to go Kel!

Saturday night, Holly, Jess, Aaron, Heather, Mark, Tatum, and I all went down to pioneer square. We tore it up; it was awesome. Danced and partied all night long, and yes, I did come home with a hickey on my neck, and no; much to everyone's dismay; I do not want to talk about it. ;-P lol, ANYHOO, I felt like dog crap all sunday; though I did manage to scrape myself together and make it to brunch with Cathy, Quyen, Sara, Chloe and Jess, (high school buds)... and that was fun, we need to do that more often! I was telling them how in the past few years, I was lucky to see Cathy and Quyen once or twice a year; due to our busy schedules, and in the last year I've seen them 5 or 6 times, it's been nice!

I crashed for about 3 hours after brunch, and felt a whole hell of a lot better. Then Sunday night, Holly and I rented the first 8 episodes of Sex and the city (season 2) and munched on ice cream and chips and guacamole. We are hooked on that show, too bad neither one of us gets hbo! I am totally digging their lifestyle too; I gotta say. Not the sleeping with every guy you meet part, but everything else... I can't wait to go to new York. (and someday I will.)

Thursday, August 30, 2001

TEEN ANGST ANYONE?

Last night I was looking through my first diary. The first entry is Christmas day, 1985. I was 8 years old, and what strikes me... as strange is I was more boy crazy when I was a CHILD then I am now... all I talk about is boys I like. Well, that and I go over every angle of the WWF (world wrestling federation). Needless to say, I was a bit obsessed. I go over episodes, and who likes who, and who's enemies... I forgot about most of the characters... Superfly Joe, Wendy Superstar, Captain Lou Albano, King Kong Bundy, Bobby the Brain Heenan, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and of course Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. (the Hulk was my hero). I am laughing though, because in one entry I am totally happy that Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre the Giant... then I have these pictures I drew of hulk Hogan with hearts and I love Hulk written in... gross!!! I also drew a picture of my sister kissing pee wee herman, apparently we had issues back then.

Here is a Poem my bad self wrote on December 27, 1986
"As the days go by and by
the birds just seem to fly and fly.
They wave their wings as they stand
without slipping in the soft sand.
As they sing and sing
it's sound is ting-a-ling.
Oh how Wonderful,
Oh look, oh look, here
comes a seagull."

Wow, I really had a flair for poetry didn't I? That's nothing, after reading my work of art, I went digging and found my book of poetry (all original thank you) from high school. I had a great laugh about this stuff...I remember being so serious about my "art" back then, and now when I read some of them... it's embarrassing!!! Anyhoo, if you want to check out some teen angstclick heretill next time...

Monday, August 27, 2001

IT FLICKERS

Sometimes I feel like my life is like a tunnel. Some days I can make out the light waaaayyy down at the end, and it appears to get closer with every step I take. As it flickers and dances in the dark, it gets stronger and brighter as I get near. I am filled with hope and warmth at the sight. But there are also days, when the tunnel is cloaked in darkness, a darkness so thick and cold, I feel as though I am choking on it. It's lonely and miserable, and hard to keep going, as I feel aimless and unmotivated. I have to rely on the memory of that light to keep me moving, and I pray to see it again, constantly squinting, searching for that tiny flickering ray of light. And I pray that it'll get bigger with each passing minute.

I am having some personal problems right now; and it's really hindering my positive side (yes, yes, I do have one). I hate conflict; though I am good at it, and occasionally enjoy a heated debate... I don't like being at odds with anyone, or feeling tension in friendshipl. I avoid it. I hate it. I am experiencing it now. I am always the one to cave first when I'm in a fight with someone. It's just easier to get it done and over with and go back to normal. I wish I could hold out longer; but it's too much effort. I'd rather keep my convictions but concede a bit to keep the peace.

I hate it when tragedy strikes... I hate it especially when it's in your life. But it seems that when something terrible happens to a celebrity, it shakes you up a bit; because you don't feel as safe. If that can happen to someone famous, then surely it can happen to you. I am of course, referring to the airplane crash that took place on saturday, killing the musician Aaliyah. Horrible things like that shouldn't happen... it sucks.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

PIMENTO ROSEMARY

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there...well I'm in a surprisingly awesome mood... after yesterday's dark tone. (more about that in a moment) I am excited and motivated about something... a certain project I am working on, and I clue you in at a later date.

As for baby news.... On my lunch break I went to the Burien Library and visited an old buddy of mine, we used to work together at the Daycare... (eons ago...) gosh, I've known her for almost...7 years. YIKES! Anyhoo, she is due to have a baby girl on September 19, so I wanted to stop in and say hi. Poor Choni, she is having contractions on and off all day, and has been experiencing them for a week now. Her doctor wants her to hang in for at least a week more, so who know's by this time next week little Pimento Botello could be here!!!

Yesterday was one hell of a day. I had a headache, and was just kinda grumpy. My project had not been going very well and I was losing motivation fast. Then I had to go to work down at Safeco, and damn if I couldn't find a parking spot. There were none to be found, I drove around, all too aware of the time, and finally found a space... (I refuse to pay to park just to go to work). Then the prick at the door to the team store wouldn't let me in, and I had to go all the way around the stadium to the back entrance. By the time I got there,I was soaked. (You would think, being a Seattle native my entire life, that a little rain wouldn't scathe me... but I hate it! It ruins everything!) anyhoo, I missed the elevator and had to pee really bad. There's no rest rooms down on the bottom level, so I had to just wait. 10 minutes later, the elevator finally arrived. I got up to the 300 level, changed and combed my hair. I was 20 minutes late clocking into work; and I was worried about where I left my car. (I wasn't sure if it was a legal space, but there were other cars there, so I took a chance.) My time working went well; and I actually got to meet up with my friends Quyen and Cathy (both of whom are going to Europe at the end of September! I am so envious!!!!) I got off a bit early and was able to visit with them before I went home. The whole day wasn't a total loss, It was just frustrating... oh yeah, and I didn't get towed or a ticket. (God is good.) Keep your fingers crossed that tonight I'll be just as lucky.

Peace Out

Monday, August 20, 2001

MAKE NEW FRIENDS, BUT KEEP THE OLD

What an interesting weekend. I spent most of Saturday reuniting with old friends from high school. I met up with my good friends Cathy and Jessica at Cathy's house, and we drove up to Everett to have lunch with another good friend from high school, Chloe. We got to watch Jessica's son Andrew play with Chloe's son Nolan, (it was interesting; because we all played together as kids at Hilltop Elementary... anyway, I digress) and we met Chloe's 4 month old daughter Megan (who is a doll!) It was nice talking and reminiscing... catching up on the gossip. Then we went to a birthday party down on capital hill; it was in one of those really old houses, two stories and really intricate frame work. it was kinda cool; I loved the french doors and huge windows. It was a girl from high school's birthday, I saw a lot of other people from high school as well; it was nice to talk and catch up; even when we weren't that close. I am looking forward to the reunion in a few years.

Friday, August 17, 2001

Um, there's a needle in my nose

Well, I did it; what I've been talking about for months. I paid someone to shove a needle into my nose; and affix a really cute little gem "nose screw" there. I just took two ibuprofen, because as we speek, I can feel my heartbeat in my nose... but I'm really glad I did it, and i like the way it looks. Lori got her nose pierced too, she was soooo freaked out! Bouncing off the walls from adrenaline before she had it done... talking a mile a minute and basically freaking out. My little sister, the girl I pushed into getting her ears pierced at age 17 because she never believed in it... she looks really cute with hers, also; if you see her; tell her she looks really bad ass. She's really self conscious about looking like a ten year old, and part of the reason she got pierced was to look a bit older. (and badass)

I'm off to rent movies; gonna have a movie fest tonight...(haven't done that forever)... check movie reviews on monday; i'm bound to have rented some new releases!
al

Thursday, August 16, 2001

Baby Season

I swear, I know more people who are pregnant now; or have just had a baby in the last year, than I know people who aren't and haven't! My family received some VERY good news last night, my cousin is pregnant! ( I for one am VERY excited about this; because her daughters are some of my very favorite people in the whole world.) She's also due on my birthday, so I'm sending lots of good thoughts her way. My friend choni is due to have her baby any day... actually september, but she told me she's praying for an early delivery; she's tired of being so pregnant.:-)

In other news, Kelly just finished her externship; she is now a certified M.A. (Medical Assistant) Way to go Kel!!! I am thinking of getting my nose pierced; in fact I think I'm going friday night down to broadway to have it done. I am excited to have it done, but honestly the thought of a needle going through my nostril makes me nauseous. But, I did ok when had my eyebrow done so... it should be all good. I am just going to get a tiny little gem nosescrew; I don't want a ring, and I don't want a big ol stud. I want it to be subtle. Lori is thinking of doing it too...

The pump in dad's stomach: big ol P.O.S. doesn't work, doesn't help... basically a big hunk of metal sitting in my dad's gut just chillin. So I am assuming they are going to take it out... we'll see though. I'm not sure what's going on. Anyhoo, that's about all the news I got... just haven't been in much of a writing mood lately, peace out!

Monday, August 13, 2001

WHY I IDENTIFY WITH THE SOUP NAZI

I always considered myself a "people person"... that is until I started working in customer service. Especially since I have started working at the Garlic Fries stand at Safeco Field. It's not so bad when the people who irritate you aren't standing in front of you; but when they are, there are certain moments (for everyone, whether they want to acknowledge it or not) when they want to reach across the countertop and strangle the offending customer. The people who tend to drive me up the wall are your run of the mill ...john and jane doe's. It has occurred to me, that I very much identify with "The Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld. I share his hostility for customers who are completely ignorant to the basic protocol for ordering and paying for food. I mean seriously, how hard is it to follow the basic guidelines? Sometimes I really wish I could slam down my hand on the counter and scream into someone's unsuspecting face: NO FRIES FOR YOU!

Thursday, August 09, 2001

Ok, I spent my lunch break at Alki; went for a walk; got some sun... it was nice. I was going through some old journals last night, from 1997 and 1998... my life was so different back then... in more ways than one. I was partying all the time and completely boy crazy. I had forgotten about some of the people who were "high priority" back then. I was also completely head over heels in love with much of the mariners baseball team. That was back when my best friend Tatum and I would "stalk" these poor men, in hopes of a glimpse, a greeting... who knows. We staked out Joey Cora's house one night, we were going to "break down" in front of it, and see if we could use his phone. We ended up getting lost, then almost running out of gas; and where he lived was way off the beaten path so... we could've had some trouble on our hands there. Then there was the time we stood outside the Elliot Bay Bookstore for HOURS to get Cal Ripken's autograph...he was there for a signing that afternoon. We got there at 6 am, dressed to the hilts; and were 4th in line if I remember correctly. It was a thrill though; to meet him. The year before my dreams had come true when I met Ken Griffey Jr, Joey Cora and Jay Buhner (among others); my dad drove freight trucks, and when he picked up the umpire gear, we would wait outside the locker rooms. If I ever get my stupid scanner fixed, I'll scan the pics of me and them in. Then there was the time we staked out the hotel where the Baltimore Orioles stayed, in the hopes of seeing Cal Ripken and Brady Anderson. We didn't see them that night; but we did meet Rafael Palmeiro and Manny Alexander. We were obsessed. We bought tickets in 97 to the Joey Cora Salsa Ball (a charity event), we took salsa lessons, and lost weight and bought evening gowns... went tanning; we went all out. Did we even get to meet anyone cool? No. Instead we danced with a big fat man named walter a couple times. Juan Gonzales was there, as well as Ivan "pudge" rodriguez. Tatum swears that Jose Cruz was staring at her chest at one point, but ... we went home without meeting anyone cool. When the sonics were in the championships back in 96 or 97 (can't remember) The Chicago Bulls were in town, and were staying at the four seasons. So we decided to go down there and see if we could get Dennis Rodman to sign our bras. Don't even ask me what I was thinking... so we sneak in; under the guise that we are staying there (if anyone asked we were "nieces of phil jackson".) We are standing there dressed in jeans, t-shirts and sandals among people dressed in suits and nice dresses. Then through a side entrance comes a group of people and in the middle it's Dennis Rodman. There was no way to approach him; he was covered on all sides, but who should come in right after him? The one and only Michael Jordan. Everyone is applauding (though doing so with restraint and reserve) and here's tatum and I screaming our heads off. Michael Jordan stood less than 4 feet away from us, we are going absolutely apeshit... lol, then scottie pippen and luc longley walked in; we just about passed out. They were all ushered quite quickly to the elevators, and almost as soon as it started, the excitement ended. We were bummed, we REALLY wanted to meet them! So as we are starting to leave, I look over by the elevator and see NBC's sports guy Bob Costas standing there, and I got his autograph... it wasn't Dennis Rodmans... but at the time... it was something. ;-) I miss those days... we were such adventurers (to be totally honest, I had to be talked into most of our stunts.. but once I did it; I had a blast). Tatum's mom used to refer to us as Lucy and Ethel... and as we would leave she would always remind us... "now girls, I don't do bail". The last adventurous thing we did was before they tore the kingdome down. Tatum and I walked all around the fenced in area around it; trying to gather the courage to go in and grab a hunk of the dome. There were police in the area as well as construction crews. I wasn't down for getting arrested, tatum (she is a lot braver than me) shimmied under the fence and ran in. She managed to escape with two chunks of cement from the Kingdome. We managed to escape the area without a ticket for trespassing or anything...lol... we had a lot of fun back then.

Thursday, August 02, 2001

Man, there is something about hearing the Blue Angels scream above you, that just makes life a little bit sweeter.

Wednesday, August 01, 2001

Well, we finally got a digital camera... and though it costs way too much, and we don't need it, I will say it does a damn fine job. I am actually very impressed at the quality of the pictures. If you want to see for yourself, go to my site AllisonRuth.com and check out the picture of the cutest baby in the world (not that I'm biased or anything), Kylie Nykole. I set up her own page with her pictures; she has captured all our hearts, and we are putty in those tiny litte hands... ok; enough about babies, (before I start whining about wanting one).

Back to the digital camera, I also updated my regular photo album, and will attempt to change the photo on the main screen about once a week; if not more. I am also working on another page to put on the site; that one will probably debut on August 2nd or 3rd. Ben turns 5 on the 3rd; damn... can't believe it; he's almost middle aged. Mom's birthday is sunday the 5th; can't tell you how old she'll be or I'll have a knuckle sandwich waiting for me when she reads this. (If she reads this.) I stayed up extra late last night; trying to install a certain driver on mom's computer for the new camera... I finally figured it out; and got into bed around 12:45 (after working on the problem since 9:30 pm) I was determined to say the least.

I can't decide whether or not to get seat covers with my next safeco check or get another tattoo... was going to get my nose pierced, but I have since thought twice about that. Am thinking of getting a tribal sun on my ankle; can't decide though. I really want hawaiian print seat covers.

anyhoo, I am outta here for today, talk to you later,
peace out
al

Monday, July 30, 2001

Well, I've finally upgraded my music system... I had a cd player and new speakers installed in my car yesterday. I can now hear music when I am driving on the freeway! Woohoo!!! I need to have a mat installed behind the speakers in the door though, because they tend to buzz from the vibration of the music if there's a hint of base.

Well, dad's surgery was friday... don't have much to say about that yet.

A sweet little baby by the name of Kylie has captured the heart of everyone at my house. She is so damn cute, we are all just totally head over heels for her. I've never met a baby who smiled and giggled more, and who was able to entertain themselves for hours on end. She is agreeable and has found her voice, so we listen to her "talk" to her toys, her feet, and to anyone who listens. She is only 5 months old, but is so smart. Just about everyone comments on how intelligent she is.

Anyhoo, that's enough for today; I'll write more later...
Peace Out

Friday, July 27, 2001

My life blows.

...Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Monday, July 23, 2001

NO BOYS IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM AND HOT PINK HOT DOG CHUNKS

Wow, what a weekend. I have not had so much fun in a long time. I left work early on Friday, went home and put the finishing touches on packing my car. Kelly and her daughter Kylie (who was 5 months old on Sunday!) pulled up around the same time as Lori, then when Matt came home at 2:30 we all packed up the cars and headed southwest to Copalis Beach (near Ocean Shores). After 4.5 hours (that's right 4.5 hours) we pulled into the Tideland's Resort. Traffic was stop and go from Southcenter Hill to Olympia. I finally relented and allowed Matt to smoke as long as he sat on the window part of the door, so basically his whole self was outside of the car; using the roof of the car like a table top. We got a lot of strange looks but it beat smelling his smoke. :-) We met up with Holly and Jessica at camp and immediately set up camp. We set up my 2-room tent, (I love it) and Jessica's HUGE 10 man tent. We even had a shelter for the picnic table. The first night we drank shots of peppermint schnapps, rum and coke vodka with hawaiian punch. One of us and I won't name names (because they are a bit embarrassed about this) had a bit too much to drink and puked all over the place. We had all brought pillows and air mattresses and blankets; this person not only puked on their pillow; they puked all over someone elses, and on the air mattress and the blankets. I felt so bad; but was laughing my ass off because they had been laying down, asleep when the projectile spewing began. When they sat up one half of their face was covered in hot pink vomit with hot dog chunks; they looked like half person/half beast, and they were mortified. I accompanied them to the bathroom and Lori cleaned up. All the bedding and pillows had to be put outside; luckily we had brought two extra sleeping bags and after everything was cleaned inside the tent they slept on the cold ground using a bag as a pillow. I also felt bad for the other person who had to share the bag as a pillow; because their pillow had been assaulted by the hot pink hot dogs. Of course we were relentless in our teasing for the rest of the weekend, but the "vomiter" took it like a good sport. Ahhh... not like we haven't all been there at one time or another. We ended the night around 2:30am, with lori and I singing dixie chicks songs until we fell asleep.

We started saturday with showers in the DISGUSTING bathrooms, and waited for Heather to arrive. She showed up around 1:00 with her sister Tiffany and her b/f James. We all went into Ocean shores and had lunch, then headed down to the beach. Matt rented a moped while the rest of us wandered up and down the beach checking out surfers. We took turns on the moped before Matt had to take it back, and he got a good laugh out of it; me and lori were absolutely petrified. But it was fun. Sadly, Jess and Holly had to head back to Seattle that night, so the rest of us went back to camp and hung out. We walked down to the beach by our camp site around 7:00 pm because low tide peaked at 8:05; it was a HUGE beach, we could see the water from the highest point at our campsite but it was a good 20 minute walk to get to the waters edge. Plus it was deep sand so it was harder to walk fast. Heather and I along with Matt and James and Tiffany all walked a good mile and a half if not more searching for sand dollars that hadn't been broken by the birds. We all found some, and when we returned to camp we cooked hotdogs and had cocktails. We sat around the campfire and talked for hours; well into the night; about growing up, experiences and life in general. It was at times philosophical and at times comical. Around 1:30 we all were more than ready for bed. Kelly, Lori, Matt and I went to the bathroom to brush our teeth; matt joined us in the girls room; when we emerged the owner of the resort was outside waiting for us; and yelled at us that he was to use the mens room only; what a bitch. It's not 1922 you know; we were in there in the wee hours of the morning brushing our dang teeth; bothering no one, and she totally attacked us. Oh well; we ended the weekend by breaking down camp the next morning un just over an hour and were glad to go home and take a real shower. As Heather so aptly described it; "I feel like I've been rolled in butter". Soap and water here we come!

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

man, I hate being without internet service! I didn't realize how much I used it until we haven't had it for the past week. It Sucks! Anyhoo...

Do you ever feel like your living a scene from a movie? I've had moments where I truly felt like I was living an episode of Seinfeld...but yesterday, I felt more like I was living in "THE TRUMAN SHOW"... everyday when I work at safeco, I get a parking spot in the same general area; over near the new seahawk stadium... on my way to safeco, I walk in between the exhibition center and the backs of the businesses on 1st avenue. (Where there are lots of vendors selling food and merchandise) Every single day, right as I'm walking by this one stand this guy selling hot dogs always shouts the same thing..."Get your sasaki dog, 1/4 lb of beef....(then he holds it up by the tongs) WOULD YA LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ONE", it struck me yesterday that everyday right about the same time he says it... then I was reminded of the Truman show; because of all the people that truman would say hi to every day; how it was the same... anyway, just a strange moment i guess... (who put a long tail on that kite?)

I love working at safeco; the job is sooo easy; (serving garlic fries can't be too difficult anyway) I enjoy the people I work with, and I am making decent money while having a good time. Not to mention I'm not just sitting around at home doing nothing. My favorite part though is either before the game or after; if I'm there early or late enough; I go out and sit in the stands and read a book (I'm usually waiting to clock in or waiting for Holly), anyway, I am the only one in the stands; there are lots of people behind the scenes but sometimes you don't even see them; there's no one on the field or outside; and it feels like I'm the only one there... like I have the field to myself. It's so quiet and big... that's my favorite part.

Thursday, July 12, 2001

this blog will now appear on two websites; it was formerly strictly a forum for publishing parts of my book; and will continue to be, but will also be a column on my webpage; allisonruth.com... keeping two blogs up and running like i was, was just too much work. I'll update this again in a few days....until then!
OH man, it's Tuesday afternoon; I really wish it was Friday. We are having internet issues here at work; so my updates may not be as fast as I would like; (I wanted to update this yesterday but was unable to get online).

Let's see what's going on in my world? I am going to get a dog. A chihauhau. (Did I spell that right?) I am hoping to get one after the new year; maybe next spring; but it wouldn't be totally unlike me if I decided to just get one next week. :-) (But I am going to try and wait...) I want to decide if I really really want one for the long haul; or just cause their cute. Plus it's gonna be expensive with the shots and getting it fixed and just buying the damn thing... but I'm already thinking of names....

Boys Girls
Fidel Purdita (like in 101 dalmations)
Lamont (this makes me laugh) Fancy
Abraham

I really like fidel; that and lamont totally make me laugh; but who knows, maybe I'll get the dog and it'll look like a gisele or a victor. ( I like people names)

That's all for now gang; I gotta go get ready for work; am working the all star game tonight. Fun Fun!

Monday, July 02, 2001

I am debating on whether or not to keep this particular blog up and running, as I have published my own site: www.allisonruth.com I have some blogs on there as well; but none dealing in this subject. I am not sure how many people are even reading this; I guess I'll keep my eye on the counter activity and if it proves worthwhile, I'll keep it up an running.

I have been working all morning on a fundraiser to buy my dad a van. I have secured a venue; for a night (hopefully) in November, and am in the process of trying to find a band to perform... the owner of the venue will donate 90% of everything they make at the door (cover charge) and I am trying to draft a letter to send out to local businesses to see if they'll donate merchandise for a raffle. If anyone has any idea's on anything else I can do please email me! Pennielane24@aol.com

Thursday, June 21, 2001

It's wierd how time changes you. I spent this morning at a funeral for a man who lived 89 years. He would have been 90 next week, and he left his legacy in his 6 children, 17 grandchildren, 14 great grandchildren, and 4 great-great grandchildren. Strolling through the grounds at Providence at Mt. St. Vincent (a nursing home where he lived, and where the memorial was held) I remembered the last time I was there. Mom, Lori, and Ashley and I had toured the facility back in september hoping to put dad there. It was the Hilton of nursing homes, and had a huge therapy department. It was the creme de la creme as far as we were concerned. Going back there today; I can't even imagine putting dad there. It's still as nice as ever, and the patients look genuinely happy and content, but... there's no way. I have a few friends who marvel at the fact that I am going to be 25 years old next year; and really don't have any plans to move out yet, and though I am anxious to move on with my life and get on with things; there's no way I can do that. They tell me all the time I can't live my life for someone else... but I put myself in my dad's shoes and my mom's too for that matter. I can't abandon them. Eventually it'll be time to take that step; but it hasn't been even a year since this stroke invaded our lives... I can't imagine what lies in my parent's future. I hope and pray every singe day and night for my dad to get more use out of his hand... and stronger legs; I pray that mom's health will stay in good condition... or God knows what could happen. Life is so precious, and I hate to use a phrase like that... it makes me sound like a wishy washy idiot... but ... well, a year ago; my biggest worry was school and money... today, my biggest worry is whether or not my dad's recovery will continue to progress and whether or not my mom can physically handle his care in the long run. I'm not going to keep on this topic, because this is the part of dad's stroke that rules my every day life; and makes the light dim. So I'll just say this... I believe in miracles... I believe in the power of prayer... and I'm going to continue to do so... keeping the faith that there is a light at the end of this tunnel... that this stroke didn't completely sever our ties with the lives we led before... somewhere our old lives are waiting ... for us to reclaim them... and that's what keeps us going.

Thursday, June 14, 2001

I NEED A BREAK!!!!!!! For the last ... 4 hours or so I have been working diligently; trying to learn html code. As I mentioned in my last entry; I purchased my own website, and I guess it's pretty helpful to know how to write this code. I think I am getting the hang of it, a little bit; but it's mentally exhausting. :-) It's all greek to me! I could have gone with a number of sites, and chosen to do a website that has "premade" pages... (which if this doesn't pan out, I may decide to do) but I want to give it a try at writing my own code. I want a kind of unique feel..(who doesn't?) but it may prove to be too difficult for me to do... wish me luck!!!

Can I just say that I am really sick of HEARTBURN? The last time I went to the doctor, she diagnosed me (temporarily) with some syndrome; basically there's something wrong with a valve in my stomach and it's making gases escape that shouldn't up into my esophogus. (I think) This isn't totally uncommon; and she gave me a list of things to do that could make it tolerable... and she prescribed prevacid to me... which I have yet to fill... it shuts down all acid production in your stomach (which can't be that good in my opinion), and I can only be on it for 3 months. But there's no generic kind; and it costs like 35 bucks for one bottle. I don't think so, I'll continue relying on tagamet and cimetidine to help (they take the edge off) it's against my moral grain to pay that much for medicine. (It's not like it's a cure anyway) then after the 3 months, she wanted me to come in and schedule this day surgery where basically the shove a tube down your throat with a camera on it and explore. NO THANKS. My mom says I'm being a baby; but I am not a science experiment, and they are in no way shoving some tube down my throat or anywhere else for that matter. Hell no. Mom says I could be ruining my chances to have kids; but I say It's a good thing babies don't grow in your stomach! Hell, she could be right... but I don't care... I have a strict policy about doctors and what procedures I'll allow them to perform... I won't go into it right now, but noone, I repeat noone, is sticking something down my throat... unless it's to save my life, and I better be unconscious!

I think I need a new doctor anyway. I have a feeling she's unethical... the woman flat out refuses to prescribe me antibiotics. "I'm under order from the cdc not to prescribe any antibiotics if I feel they aren't absolutely 100% warranted, too many people are becoming immune." Every time I go to her she tells me I have a virus... I've been sniffling and sneezing and dog tired since... february or so; and I have gone to her once, and she said it's a virus. Mom keeps telling me to go back; but I'll be damned if I am going to spend 15 bucks on a copay for miss high and mighty to tell me it's just a virus. I used to think she refused to prescribe anything because I refuse to be weighed when I go in there. the last 3 or 4 times, I have flat out refused to be weighed... I'm coughing... that doesn't call for my weight to be checked AND documented thank you very much. I harbor the thought that perhaps if I allowed myself to be weighed, she would give me a prescription... mom says that's nonsense, but I don't care... I need to find a new doc. She's too hoity toity anyway.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001

Well, I've decided to start my own website. I purchased my own domain, and am now waiting for my sitehost to get on the ball and email me the logistics to start building it. It will be called allisonruth.com and I'll email everyone when I am ready to launch it. I am planning on having movie reviews, a column (not unlike this to write in), book reviews, gossip, my favorites, links, and pics. (to name a few!) I am sooo tired. Not sure why; and my face is tingling. I know, I know this is not normal; but I think it has to do with the tiredness; It feels like it's asleep. Like pins and needles.... it's been that way all day. and my eyes have been watering... any diagnosis's? (is that even a word???) I entered a contest to be a guest editor for Jane Magazine, but I don't think I was picked. :-( Keep your fingers crossed and say a small prayer for me though, because I think they choose it around the end of june. If I win, I'll be flown to New York for 3 days on their dime... although if I make it; you can be dang sure I'm gonna stay there more than 3 days. I'll stay an extra week or something... I gotta see the sights! But that's IF I make it. I am thinking of getting a degree in business. I am looking into pcdi (ashford college) it lets you study at home... I could earn an aa here at work or at home. If I decide to go that route; I am going to probably look into working as a party/wedding planner. Wish me luck; I think it could be fun. No news on the homefront... dad is supposed to undergo some sort of surgery soon... to help with spasticity. He is NOT HAPPY about it. Seems like a big pain in the ass for a basic roll of the dice to me. I haven't worked on the book in weeks (possibly months) I gotta get my butt in gear!!!! I am just scared it's not going to get published... and I hate going back and reliving all that crap we went through. I made the mistake of mentioning to mom that I was talking to the founder of Kaitlyn's Mobility ( a charity that works with us at safeco once a week). Carol, and her husband founded this charity after they raised money to get their daughter a wheelchair accessible van. They now try to help other families with disabled children. We spoke about fundraisers she and her husband had, and when I mentioned this to mom, she told me I was in charge of figuring out something to raise money for dad. I haven't come up with much... mom didn't like my first idea: chilling outside safeco, with a sign and my guitar (even though I don't know how to play it...) I think I could raise like 20 bucks that way! lol, she doesn't approve of panhandling. Then I thought of putting canisters at stores with dad's picture on it... but she found that demeaning. That's how we raised money in high school to go on our choir trip... whatever. I just don't have my heart in it... I think I am going through a "down" period right now... not as upbeat and optimistic as I normally am. The year anniversary since dad's stroke is looming ahead, and I wish I could just forget about it... about my life; wish I could wake up tommorrow as someone else. (No matter how hard I pray for that, it just doesn't happen!) But I know I'm lucky... I know that there are people out there way worse... just don't care about them right now; lol... this is a pity party for ONE. I was thinking of calling a bar to see if we could get them to donate a nights worth of cover charges and a band to see if they would donate their services for the cause. I thought of calling a popular seattle band... maybe hit explosion or the beatniks or someone... maybe we could raise a couple hundred bucks that way. Too bad I need 32 thousand huh? The other thing would be to contact large companies or something and get them to pledge money for the cause... but they would need something to pledge for... and I am not in any shape to go running a marathon or anything. Maybe I could live on a billboard for a week or two; and get companies to pledge how many hours I'd last, lol....HELP ME! I'M CREATIVELY BURNT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe we could do like happy days and have a dance a thon...lol. Seriously, these are the best idea's I've got... Holly mentioned that her girl scout troup could help us with a car wash; but it would take a lot of car washes to come up with that kind of money. Maybe we'll give it a try though... who knows. Maybe I could sell brownies and lemonade... incidentally; I've changed my email address; if you have any suggestions, please email me at pennielane24@aol.com I would love input. Anyhoo, I'm outta here, gotta go do something productive.

Peace out

Thursday, June 07, 2001

I know I suck; I haven't updated this bad boy in what... a week? I just took a second job at safeco field ... (sigh) yes, I am a hot dog girl. :-) it's not as bad as it seems... starts out at ten bucks an hour so what the heck! anyhoo... between that and an unusually heavy work load; I haven't been able to write anything; incidentally... I am looking in to starting my own website... I'll let you know how that goes... till then, peace out!

Thursday, May 31, 2001

Sometimes I wish I was more daring. Not as "God fearing" and law abiding. I am so angry right now; I could spit. Literally... I could do lots of things, but none that are productive nor marks of a good citizen. Dad and mom went outside the other day, to indulge in the good weather, and let dad get some speed on his wheelchair.

Before I go any further, a little history is needed... about a month or so before dad's stroke, one of our neighbors, an ass by the name of Patrick (who we'd always been friendly with mind you,) started threatening dad... making his presence an uncomfortable one... and generally scaring the crap out of our family. We even called the cops so it would be on record that dad was being harassed; dad was really bothered by this; it occupied his thoughts daily... and I BELIEVE it was a contributing factor in dad's stroke. Yeah, the homocysteine levels were a major factor, but stress was also involved... and this was really stressing dad out. Anyway, right after dad got sick, and was basically for all intense purposes... comatose, I was intent on revenge... not knowing if dad would ever get better; not knowing the extent of the damage of the stroke... the thought that Patrick was possibly responsible for the stroke...was infuriating. What was worse, was if dad didn't get better, his last few weeks of life were dominated by this idiot's intent on making life hell. I eventually let the whole revenge thing go. I must admit though, a few weeks ago, as I was pulling into the driveway at home... (for those of you who are not familiar with the layout; the driveway is a dead end, on a hill; and it's a fairly good size.) I saw Patrick standing in the middle of the driveway about halfway up the hill, he was talking to another neighbor in their car... I saw my chance and I took it. I floored the gas, and raced by him (my car was less than two feet away from his body) and watched the fear and surprise overtake his face. I must've gone by him at 35 miles an hour at least; which yeah, isn't all that fast, but in the parking lot you don't go more than 5 or 10... I had to slam on the brakes as I turned the corner into my parking space, and felt a rush of satisfaction... mom however (in the passenger seat) was NOT pleased. I didn't care. I don't care. I realize the hate I have for this person is unhealthy... and that the stroke probably isn't his fault... but it helps to have a physical thing to be angry at. Hating the stroke and what it's done to us is fine and dandy... but has no physical presence. Hating Patrick gives me the presence and ... it's different...

Anyway, back to the story, mom and dad are outside, having fun... dad was racing all over the parking lot, and mom all of a sudden looks over and sees him talking to ... you guessed it, Patrick. She didn't go over there, not trusting her words... she waited and watched. They apparently had a nice conversation and seem to have buried the hatchet. That's great, whatever.... BUT when I heard what that moron said to my dad, all the anger and vengeful feelings came rushing back. He said "Hey there, here I was ready to kick your ass and you go and have a stroke... what's up with that?" Dad just looked at him and said "I guess the stroke took care of it for you". I was so MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM STILL MAD!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, the nerve... the absolute nerve of this bastard (pardon my french) to say such a thing to SOMEONE IN A FREAKING WHEELCHAIR just FLOORS ME. When dad told me I yelled at him... I told him he didn't have to take crap from anyone, least of all that moron. Dad just shrugged his shoulders, and I guess maybe he felt intimidated by his presence or something... dad said there was no point in being mad; we all have to live there, might as well get along. No, NO... I will not be civil to him... I cannot. I told dad that he should have told him to kick his ass now, what was stopping him? God knows, this guy is not of any moral standard... why should dad (and us) forgive him? Just because dad had a stroke? That doesn't make him any less of the human garbage he is. When I spoke to Lori (my sister) about the incident, she was livid as well, and told me he was lucky she wasn't out there. She said if she ever saw him out there again, she'll tell him to just stay away from our family, and don't talk to any of us... we want nothing to do with him. I am just so mad about what he said... it's like he is still bullying dad. Like he had to twist the knife he put in dad's back a year ago. What the hell? I don't know if I'm more mad at Patrick for saying it or dad for taking it. Lori and I both told dad, just because you are in a wheelchair doesn't mean you have to take anyones crap... if anything you should be exempt... It is times like these when I do wish I had more guts. Guts to make him realize that he messed with the wrong family... but what can I do? Nothing... because that would bring me down to his slimy level, and I know I'm above it. I wish I wasn't but I am... it's a measure of class I guess... it has to be, I must have some because he truly has none.